So I Tried Crimson Desert..

Gentlemen, are you ready to finally play Crimson Desert after like two years? And I know that the the thing I'm going to put it up here in the top because I saw the way the UI is and there's going to be the health bar down at the bottom. Gentlemen, let I speak and let's do it. And a controller. What do you think? I'm a I got my keyboard and mouse. All right, let's do this. Hopefully, it's going to work. There's not any stupid going on. Make the cam smaller. I'm not going to change the camera. Shut the up. I nipped that in the bud right now. Time for shaders. That's okay. It'll be ready when it's ready. you, controller gang. Uh-uh. No controller. This is not looking good. Okay. Uh oh. Oh, Pearl Abyss. Uh-huh. Yeah. Warning. Compiling shaders. Oh. Oh, this better be a good video game. This better be a good video game. I'mma be so mad. I'mma be so mad if this is not a good video game. I'm going have to play it for 300 hours. That's how mad it's going to make me. Turn up. Why don't you shut the up? It's five out of 10. Yeah, guys. Is it really? Maybe I should have refunded it already. Lights off. I can't turn the lights off, bro. It's called the sun. I got the sun out. Peing at 1,600 16 160,000. I mean, that's a lot. That's a good ass amount. How was the game so far? Uh, I'd say game play is kind of mediocre so far. combat, you know, leaves a little bit to be desired, but you know, logo looks good. Logo looks great. I hope the keybinds aren't a nightmare. I'll just figure out a way around it. Same as I do with everything. Seems good to me. Apply. Apply. Okay. All right. And let me see here. Settings. Let me just check everything. Okay. All this is good. Revolution. Okay. Now the revolution is even better. Apply. Okay. Good. Upscale mode. Um, let's not worry about this until we get into the game, obviously. Vsync. Everything else. I I'm going to change it as Okay. All that seems to be working fine. graphics, everything. Damn, bro. Damn, they got me locked in. Holy big dick in it, huh? Cinema. Yeah, you're right. Okay. And I'm just going to take all take all this dynamic range, loud sounds, games. Okay, I don't care about that. Input. Uh, I'll change all this whenever it comes out. Camera, I'm going to just turn this down. And I guarantee you I need to turn it down. Okay. And then languages. Okay. All that's good. Accessibility. Okay. All this is good, too. Blur intensity. Uh, I probably turn that down. It seems like it's annoying, but I'll deal with that later on. Okay. I apply attention. Yes. All right, gentlemen. All righty, gentlemen. Oh. Oh, I'm ready. Don't do cinematic if you want over 100 FPS. I I'll lower it whenever I get into the game because I don't know what to expect. I think I'm going to just I'm going to just get into I'm going to I'm going to go with what it locked me in at and then if it's problematic, I'll fix it after that. I think that's the way you think about it. New game. New game. Accept. Except it's blue now. Where are all them squares? I'm getting closer. This is like a loading screen. Uh, is there something I'm supposed to do? Uh I this just happens, right? It's compiling shaders. I thought that's the this is the whole game. Oh. Oh. Oh. fast. What's up, bro? That's my boy. Wait a minute. Do I just immediately get Wait, wait, wait. This is a video game. Oh Oh my god. It's actually a video game. Holy. Okay, let's go over here. I can zoom in. I can zoom out. Uh, I might not be able to do other stuff yet. Oo, look at that guy. What's this? We got all the boys out here. What's up? How y'all doing? We still have enough food for everyone. Okay. And I'm going to talk to Carl. And we can always hunt for more. Yeah, sure. Okay. Oh, it tells me on the map where I need to go. Okay. Speak with Oanga. Who the is Oanga? black bears. bears. Come on now. Keep it together. Hey, I will kill the bear. Let the light. I He was a good man. And the black bear that did this deserves a knife in his throat. And you'll be the one to kill. I have to kill the bear. We've got a lot of I have to do I have to kill 10 bears. Head to the cabin. How do I I can't walk into them. Average American duty. You think? Right. You think that's it? This is I can't talk to this guy. This is Oanga. I can tell because you look at the map, but I can't. I want to talk to you. I want to talk to you. Control E. Wait, what the hell did I just do? Giles sword. His last words were of you, Cliff. Uh-huh. May you find peace among his brothers. Damn. Come play your farewells. That's me, by the way. I'm Jon Snow. So, we have to kill that bear, right? Why don't we go kill the bear? Giles, rest well. You will be missed. Who? What's his name again? Pouring out for our homies. Let them know. Okay. So, now what? I'll go over this way. I'll go to the X. What the hell? Can I go around this? I can. All right. I'll head into town and see what I can find. All right, Marius. Don't worry. I'm sure I'll find a lead on them. You know I'm the best man for it. He's that guy. Okay, I'll be back before. Control near a person or object. Oh, okay. Okay, I get it now. They couldn't catch me even if they tried. Okay, so now what? Where does I go? Okay, we got to go over to here. Spock to Ross. Ooh. Damn, bro. This won't be the end of things. Step aside. I didn't mean to do that. I'm almost certain we trait. How else would they know the exact moment we were away? Modern bastards. How dare they? Damn. So, now what do I do? Oh, we got to go back into here. Enter the cabin. I have to go back in my house. Why is the foliage dancing? It's something that's called the wind. You'd know that if you went outside, come on. All right. Y's wish I'd just eat it. Look at that little stupid Yeah. Perfect timing as always. Down. Dig in. Mhm. We're still missing Ryan. Yeah, probably dead. Everyone got a bowl? I suppose that's one less mouth to feed, eh? Damn. Hey, two less mouths. You know, if you got a fight left in you, get your ass back out there. You'll shut up and eat. We're just going to sit here sipping this this pig swell. I'd rather a black base, please. To get some manners beating into you. You better pick that up. Or what? Yan. You're going to make me. Fine. That's enough. They're crashing out on each other. Get it. Bloody bastard. Cranky ginger That's enough. Our fight isn't over. She is dead. Everyone, we just sat. Uhoh. Oh. Uhoh. We got to go. We got to go. We got to fight back. There's my ambush. Well, loot the dagger. Could have used that. Could have sold that at a vendor. Okay. Control the block. Uh, attack alt. Move out of harm's way. Okay, I'll figure I'll figure out the combat the key binding. And with the great leader's death, our land Paloon, once unified, damn, has been plunged into chaos. Damn. Damn. And now a bloody battle unfolds. Between the grey mains who fight to uphold his will. Uhhuh. And the black bear forces. Oh, this is from the seek to set it a flame. This is from the from the IGN review. fat boy. Get out of here, fat boy. Let me guess. I'm in the game now. prick. Little How about that? You want a little bit of that? Yeah. you. Okay. All right. What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing in my game? You doing my Get out of here. Okay. Uh where are they? for that B. wait. That's my guy. I got to help. Oh, wait. It's him. Do it. Whirlwind. Whirlwind. Hit him with the whirlwind. You all right? Damn, it's a tree. Oh my god. You can't go over it now. Get out of here. Watch your back. Oh, damn. Control. Okay, that's that's a deadass Okay, fatty. Okay, fatty. Is Fatty dead? Fatty is dead. You want to with me, huh? You trying You trying to play my game? Get the out of here, you little Oh. Oh, so it's I I can do one, two, and then three. Okay, so that's a that's both of them at the same time. That's the crusader strike. Okay, let's run. Uh-oh. It's Look at all those fats. That's like four fats. Go easy, will you? So, she's like the ranger or the rogue or something? Slice. Get your fingers off me. Damn. Well, why you want me to do that? Okay. All right. I'm going to hit him. Come here. dude. Fat's just getting destroyed. any more? Anybody else? I didn't think so. Let's run. I've got to go over go over to the X. What's over this way? Let's do it. No more fats. We got the rogue. Damn. Damn. That should be me. Come at me, Swaggler, easy. Oh Come into my domain. Okay, I'm trying to figure this out. Okay, I'll around with my key bindings later. Last time. All right. Can I kick this guy off? All you can do is run. Oh, see that? Now what? Cliff, long time. Miss me? Oh it's the boss. It's the boss. No, then pathetic. I expected better from the socalled protectors of Palin. Bunch of throwing your lives away. Not your words. Minan. Miran. There's that gravy spirit. I have to kill everybody. I'll kill everybody right now. I'm the one who decides your fate. Grab him. Oh, right now. Wait. Oh, wait. Wait. I I feel like I'm supposed to die here. Like, there's way too many guys. Send them all to the grave. There's way too many guys. I can't. I'm trying to here. I got to go over here. Let me I'm I'm going to try and kill these archers right now. Is that the best you got? All right. It's fine. Just like last time. There's one more. One more archer. I really tried, bro. I really tried. Get out of here, port boy. No, look at you. All these efforts and you still end up bowing to me. What's that? Got something to shake? Go on then. Out with I'm dead. I'm all he is. Well, you had your chance. Let this be a lesson to all you wolf welps. It's already over dead already. Would I beat the game? That's it. Give G and my regards. Oh no, he stabbed me twice and cut my throat. Down every last Greymane. Leave none alive. This is bad. I don't think I can survive. Well, let me guess. Somehow you get saved by an a mysterious magical presence. Senses senses you have entered the ocean. Champion, there is still work to be done. You must save our world. Right. I'm in the afterlife. Damn. Quest completed. Dying. Running uses stamina. Stamina. Where's stamina? Oh What do I do? Oh my god. I'm that guy. Oh. Oh Okay. Give me a minute. Give me a minute. I got I got to use the bathroom and I I'll do this. They took me to Agartha. All right, I'm back. All right. Watch the parkour god. Here we go. Let's do this. There it is. Precision jump. It's called the space bar, I'm that guy. Climb up. Let me guess. Let me Yep. That's right. See, I knew it. I played video games before. What's this? Press C for crouch. one. Two. The triple. Let me guess. I got to shoot it. I got to shoot it with an arrow. I'm ready for this. There's the arrows. What? What? Why do you fight reflect light with your sword to disrupt the enemy's vision? Control, question mark, and then question mark. Okay. I got to do it at the same time. Hold blinding light. Okay, I I got to figure this out. Press control while maintaining it. Move to aim your target. Okay. All right. Let me Let me uh Can you read? No, I didn't read. What? You think I'm Of course not. I I don't understand. Oh, I had to I had hit I had two times. That's what was confusing to me cuz it said to click it, but then it was actually control. Okay. All right. Let's That's me. That's me. I do that. Oh, it's too easy. Too easy for me. It's a champion at work control. Uh lantern tool. Okay. So, I should use the lantern. Okay. So, F2. Is that F2? Okay. Uh lantern. Damn. Is this the lantern? barely even works. No, this is definitely not the lantern. On. Now it's on. Okay, good. I was about to say. Yeah, I was about to say like, what the Where the hell am I going to go? It's a timu lantern. Yeah, for real. The light bulb in it turned off. All right, let's go through here. And ooh, the rectangle cinematic mode. This is where they tell me that I'm the chosen one. They've been waiting for me for 3,000 years. Greymane. Greymane. Yeah. Lost in thought again. Why don't we go inside? Oh, is it like a um like a a flashback? It's not safe out here. It's got to be a flashback out the river. Wait, he won't fully heal without proper rest. Wait, wait. But I thought he cut my throat open and stabbed me in the stomach like three times. I'm well enough thanks to you. Wait, what? It's time I moved on. Huh? Are you really sure you're well enough? Am I that guy? You can stay as long as you like. Mhm. I'm fine. Really? All right. Can I kill the chicken? I think you should stay a bit longer. Can I kill the chicken? Can I kill I wanted to kill him now. Well, very well. If you're heading into town, you should stop by the Hernand Tavern. Hernand. News travels fast around here, so if there's any information to be found, you'll find it there. Uh-huh. You got and hired a free sword. I I'll take care of this. I already paid you. We're here for the interest. What interest? I Hey, they got him dragged up. They got him looking like a grand dragon. We're not asking. We're damn the interest out of you. Or make your max in flame. Your choice. What are you looking at? Don't you know. Punch him right. He just kicked him in the dick. Today will be your last. You've come too far. Northern curs. I'm trying to figure this out. damn. That's a dead ass What's wrong? What's wrong? Come into my domain. I will destroy you. Carry a chair. Whoa. Wait, wait a minute. You want one of these? You want one of these? Uh, wait. Okay. Okay. Never mind. All right. We'll focus. Do it. What the Whoa. Got him. Are you all right? I was trying to throw throw a chair at him. Thank you. It's not the first time those bastards have laid into me. Things have got so bad. I was ready to pack up and leave. But they got what was coming to them. They sure did. All thanks to you. Where are you headed then? Truth is, I'm also headed to Hernand. Can I Can I tag along? Well, I got to carry this loser. Let me loot. Let me loot these guys. How do I loot him on foot? It won't take long to reach Hernand. How do I loot? Am I not able to do the loot? Wait a minute. Okay, let me just let me just try to play the game the right way. Let me just try and do that. You imagine that? But if you want to get to town quickly, we should ride there. you could ride with me, but yeah, I recently came across this wild horse. Where is it? That's a deer. You idiot. You stupid. He won't let me ride him, but maybe he'll take a liking to you. Damn. There he is. What's that? Look for get him. Look at him. Got him. Let's go. Okay. Mount the horse. Used to be one of the nicest places. You press H for horse. But with those bandits about, you're always looking over your shoulder. It's that bad. It's worse. Who's this little little The guard's been stretched in, but it's impossible to keep the peace. Look at the game. Look at the game. It's us ordinary folk who are paying the price. that sucks. H is for docking. Oh, this here is one of my favorite spots. The view from the bridge is absolutely breathtaking. It makes me want to jump off. Be ashamed to just hurry past. Let's take it slow. We deserve a little serenity every now and again. Yeah. So true, brother. What about in the sky? Is there anything in the sky? Yeah, there are. There's called They're called birds. Those are called birds. So, where am I going now? But I know strength when I see it. I'm that guy. That kind of skill will have people seeking you out, Greymane. True, brother. Need your help, like me. Mhm. But others will just want to see how they measure up to you. They want to square up to me. That's the only way a fighter can test their strength. Funny, isn't it? True. I got to change my keybinds in a bit, but I'm not trying to around with it right now. Oh, it's a little convoy. I think that's him, right? Can I go any faster? Unskipable cut scene. It's okay. It's over. Ah, we're nearly there. Yes. That horse seems fond of you, Grey Maid. Nice to see you play Red Dead Redemption. Really? 229K on Steam. Wow. Hernand's bigger than you might think. That's an assload of people. So, what are these like the different factions and There's like the blue guys and the those Robin Robin Hood looking guys. Did you just start? I did. I just started the game. Oh I walked into this the first encounter chapter one. You got to get up, brother. Your clan has been destroyed. You got defeated by the big guy and his army of fats. Oh, wait, wait. Camp. Okay. Uh, let's see here. Relieve your exhaustion. Protect the supply ch once you've had enough rest. Any loot you couldn't pick up during combat? Oh, okay. So, it automatically loots everything in the combat. Okay, that's cool. I already refunded the game. Oh, paste. Um, okay. So, look around Hernand Tavern. A ps on you and your Why don't you shut the up, the name's Bentley. That's a car. Here, let me change a couple of things real quick. All right. Uh, how do I go into others? No, no, no. How do I How do I do How do I just get to settings? How do I options, maybe? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. All right. Uh, keybinds. Where's keybinds? Uh, maybe it should be in gameplay, right? The Input probably, right? Yeah, could be input shortcuts and input settings. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. All right. Uh, give me one sec. Uh, aim and guard is going to be alt. Give me one second. Uh, select. Yeah. Apply. And then evade is going to be spacebar. And then jump is going to be control binding flash. Wait, what? Give me a minute. Heavy attack. Oh, I got to rebind this, too. Heavy attacks are always going to be like that. Focus skill, blinding flash. Do I even need to do that? Like I feel like I don't, right? Actually, I probably do. Well, I got to put it on. So, it said it was What was it before? Aim was So, it should be like alt and click, right? Or wait, cancel. Okay. Uh, select. I'm g just put it on this one. That way I do it same time. I I didn't know that. Okay. So, all right. Where's H? H. Horse. Horse. Horse. Hello. Let's go. We're on an adventure, Mr. Horse. Go run, Don't tell me this the best you can do. This pathetic loser. Oh my god. This is the worst horse of my life. The GTA taxi, I guess. So, right. I don't know. Okay, let's move over here. Shift. Tap shift. Yeah. Oh, I'm so scared. Whoa. Wait. What the hell is that? Give me a minute. Give me a minute. Dismount. What? Y'all afraid? You afraid of the big dick? How y'all doing? What's going on, boys? Ooh, a notifery board. What's this? Uh, find requests. Help the locals. Okay, I got to kill everybody in here. Rhett's poster. What's this? Move along. What does it say? Uh, so I've got to go and look at this. Seems like he wants me to I think he wants me to make him a sandwich. Looking for someone skilled with a pickaxe. Okay, it was not a sandwich after all. Turn it over. There's nothing on it. Okay, let's get the next one. Simple poster. Nothing of interest. Oh, okay. Climate pie. So, like right now it's hot outside. Equipping gear, consuming food with sufficient fire or ice resistance. Damn. So, there's like a whole like God damn. That's a lot to do. Okay. What does this one say? Oh, this one's for mining. What does it say? Isn't that uh I I think that's like Hebrew, right? Looks like Hebrew. Who's this? This is uncomfortable. Whoa. Wait, wait, wait. What's this? Damn, bro. He's B. He He's He's homeless and he's Look at that forehead. Spare something for a poor wretch. Do I want to give him money? I'm going to give him money. I can't even afford to pay a bum. Ooh, what's this? This is like a a trap door, right? It is. It doesn't let me open it, though. It says it doesn't open. Okay, let's go inside. Good day. All right. Damn. What's up, boys? Well met. I guess he's probably up at the top, right? Must be up at the top. He probably has more money than me. Yeah. Where' they be at? Oh, it's a misty room. Ooh, can I open the box? No. Buy. What about steel? What are the options for stealing? How about I just take this and I put it in my pocket? Where the hell is this guy? Maybe he's down below. I wonder who I was supposed to talk to. Must be this guy, right? Hail and well met. Challenge the arm wrestling. Wait, what? What the hell? Oh. Oh. let's have at it. Hey, let's have it. Press E. Start. Say goodbye to your arm. Come on. Who are you back into? I'm figuring it out. There it is. There it is. There it is. I'm beating his ass now. Big dick. Big dick. Come on. There it is. One more. One more. One more. Ah. Got it. Okay. All right. I'm understanding now. Oh, what a loser. Oh, what a little Learned a thing or two. Blazes. You're as strong as you look. That's right. I just did my best. You should be proud of your own strength and humble to boot. Now what? My P always said true strength lies in humility. I suppose it meant folk like you. What a nice guy. Thanks for the compliment. That was fun. So, was that part of the main story quest? Hi, Dad. Wait, now I have to give money to a beggar. That was crazy. Why? Like like hide that. Wait, why is he really? I don't want to give him any money. Of course he is. Wait, he's on the trap door. Why is the world such a lonely place? Can I kill the beggar? Let's deport him. Why don't we deport him over to the desert? How are you doing, old man? Nobody cares what I go through. I've got used to the indifference. That's nothing anyone should grow accustomed to here. I hope this can be of help. How kind of you. A bag of money. A bale hand. Was he a liberal? The is this? Please take this. Wait, wait. What's this? Or you will find a use for it. What? What is this? The key paves the path to wisdom which shall bring us together once more. When the time comes, the key shall guide you. It was a test. There's some kind of riddle. It was a test, guys. Wait, what did you mean? Can I open the door? Uh-oh. Now I can destroy barrels here, too. That means it's serious. Okay. Um, let's go. I have to watch out. Take. What's that? A candle. So, what happens? I just want to explore a little bit and get an idea. What the H, it's a treasure chest. What's in the treasure chest? Oh, I got a helmet. How do I in Is it Is inventory? how do I How do I equip? Okay. Space bar. Got it. It's silver. Okay. Do I Oh, bro. Turn off motion blur. Do they have motion blur? I didn't even notice that. Motion bar. I'm not seeing a motion bar. I ain't seen it. Nope. Fate. I know what I have to do. I have to bring him the barrel. You need the barrel. I know you need it. I'm going to give it to you. Precision jump. More like precision walk. Can anyone help me? Yes, I can. As a matter of fact, here you go. How do I drop the barrel? Wait, how do I Okay, now I can drop it. Who are you? He didn't even let me. You have to help me quickly. Calm yourself. I'm a friend here to help. You are. Can you walk? He was right about you. Here. The beggar. The beggar. You need this. Care for those around you as you have done for me. This is all a liberal scop to make me give money to beggars. Wait, where's my barrel? My barrel's gone. Oh, guys. Let me look around. Okay, so I got a jar. Oh, this is really great for me. Two jars. Okay. Uh, let's run. Just jump, Oh, I get it. I get it. I get it. I get it. Wait, what am I What am I monkeying around for? Oh, wait. Where do I go? How the hell do I get out of here? I wasn't really paying attention on where the hell to go. The ladder. That'll do it. Now, where? Oh. Oh, wow. It's over there. I wasn't paying attention. You know why? Cuz I'm a idiot. Smell that cover. Say what? Watch it. This close, mate. How long till the shift's over? Wait, I got the I got more trust out of them now. I was about to kill him. I might have had to. Wow, a cat. A what? What's so special about a cat? Come on, let's go somewhere else. I'm going. Bye. What? Where's the cat? I don't even see the cat. Who the hell was he talking about? The stupid ass kid. Okay. Um, how do I get in there? I guess Oh, it's probably the other house. Is this the girl? I wouldn't be mad if you come down now. I promise. Who? Speak with the kid. All right, let's talk to the kid. Something wrong. We're running late, but he just won't come down. Bow and arrow. Get it. Get the bow and arrow. We've got to get back before anyone notices. The chief's going to be really upset. How can I No, I have to. How can we get him down? It's a GG. Get down here this instant. Hurry. You're going to get us both in trouble. Please. Can you help? Yeah, I can help you. Get scary when he's mad. I can help you. You might not like the You might not like the solution. come here you little Come here. That's right. GG. You scared me half to death. Think you'll make it back home in time. Yeah, you saved us from a good scolding. Damn, I'm such a nice guy. Come visit my town. Come say hi. Sure. If I have time. I'll reward you for your help today. I think there though, I'm not sure if you'll be allowed in. Well, don't worry. I'll talk to the chief about it. Make sure you come visit. How' you rate Crimson Desert? Where is she? I've played it for like 15 minutes. What do you mean? How would I rate the game? Her pendant. Help the distressed villagers. Horse. Let us go. I will go and save them right now. Yeah, Oh my god, I almost died. Wait, where's my horse? Wait. Oh, can I mine that? That's like copper or something, right? Look at my health. I'm almost dead. Do a single bloody thing. You want me to finish him off? I can finish him off right now. Stop winging and get up. can't even handle cleaning a bloody chimney. Some husband you turned out to be. Can you believe this? You got fittings all afternoon. Is he all right? Oh, this is all just a show. He always acts up when we're busy, don't you? Oh, come on. What a I do not. What a massive Less complaining. Excuse me. I could have just bloody died. Same old performance. Ar. Why is the house smoking? I was hoping that fall would knock some sense into you. Why would I pretend to fall off the roof? That really hurt. I'm sure it did. Just like when you slammed your hand into the door last week. Hey, damn. What an idiot. Come on now. Enough. I'll do it for you. Tell a to shut the up you. Lauren, let the man work. Shut it. That's a real man. Oh my god, bro. So, the intro quest is to cuck this guy. A broom. Okay. All right. So, what do I Um, equip the broom and clean the chimney. Uh, how do I equip? Okay, I think I have it equipped. So, how do I How do I How do I put it on space? I'm figuring it out. I don't know how this works. Press tab. F2. Broom. Big dick broom. Oops. How do I How do I turn off aiming? I don't know how how did I activate this like I'm stuck. Escape. It doesn't work. Q. Oh, okay. I just don't know how anything works. Okay. All right. What's in this Palmer pill? All right. F2 and control while standing on Oh my Are you kidding me? Are you kid? Oh my god, bro. Like Oh, my back. You've done me a huge favor there. Would you come off that woman? Where are you? Come now. She'd have me run ragged if she could. Can't blame you for a little theatric. Still near you. So, he's gaslighting the wife. Smart. Till she finds a better actor for the role. Damn. Aaron, give him some of our finest attire. Think of it as a gift for me to you. Hey, farewell. Sure, why not? Don't expect you to start listening to me now. Okay. Um, Canandian, examine. You acquire information. Examine the key. Okay. What? I think I did it wrong. Damn. Now what? Go to Her Nan Castle. Okay, let's go. I'm going to bust this down. Little Where's your oranges now? What's wrong? What are you going to do? Wait, really? Really? No way. But you forgot one. You forgot that one. Ah, you idiot. Now you see it. So now what? I'm going to pull the barrel out again. People like you. What? He thought he not a thing about me, is he? Oh, I broke something. I was going to try and knock that out of his hand again, but it didn't let me. M. So you watch it. A beggar said that to me. He about to die. Damn. Look at big fatty over there. This is the castle. Holy This is a big castle. I want to go inside. Hang on. No, I'll handle this. Do you know what's past this gate? The quest objective. You can't just stroll into the castle dress like that. Watch out for that one. Entry requirements. this. this. I'm just going to go around. I'mma climb up. I'm going climb up right now. Well, I can't. I don't I don't listen. Bro, you give a about dress code, bro. I'm that guy. Like I I don't spend my time like, bro, they try to tell me what I can wear and what I can't wear. Damn. Look at all them little losers down there. Not up here like me in the castle. Let me go. I'm going loot something up up the top of this. Where's the Where's the good items? Where's all the good items? What do you mean I can't? What? What do you mean? What do you mean I can't What do you mean I can't loot the break it? Can I God, bro, I hate this game. Okay, let's get out of here. Go up to the top. Okay, over here. I have to sneak inside the castle. What's up, boys? Whoa. I'll kill you and arrest your corpse. Uh why? Um what? Why would you do that? Why would Why would Why would they do this to me? I mean, if you guys want I will leave. I will leave. I'm leaving. I'm moving. I'm moving now. Are we good? Okay, we're good. what the Oh my god. Wait, guys. Guys, this is insane. I What the hell is going on? Holy No. I got I don't want to attack, bro. Okay, can I eat the pumpkin here? I need to loot the pumpkin. Okay, this is big. So, they just ran me out of town. Okay. So, here's the thing. Apparently, we're not supposed to we're not supposed to get into the castle without having uh like I didn't I I I I didn't have proper documentation. So, if they diagroed, that means they're probably not going to attack me again using video game logic. So, I should be able to walk up to these guys and they won't try to kill me, right? Go get some proper clothes. God damn it, bro. Like, all right. So, where do I need Do I have anything to wear? Oh, wait. I'm trying to figure this out. Okay, so I hold this down and then where I just confusing to me. Everything's confusing for me. You have to keep in mind. Okay, so Hernand attire access her nandian. That's what I need. See, I needed that. See that? That's it, my captain. Mhm. I thought I was going to go after buy some clothes. Wait, wait. You don't look like a bad sort. Everything seems to be in order. Stay out of trouble. You here? No. Open it. You may enter. Good day. Shut up, Now I got to go inside this castle. Huh? Oh, I've been here before. Yeah. Hail and all that shine. Do I go in through here? Nope. Yes, mate. What? Go to Heran Castle. A monastery. What's in here? Can I go in here and pray? It doesn't let me go in there. A key is required. Ooh. Yeah, you better work, you little slave. Stupid That's a big boy, huh? I'mma turn this off. How about that? That's what I thought. Tilapia. No, it's a fish. What a tilapia is. idiot. I think I need to walk up again, but I'm afraid that I'm going to have them kill me again. So, I guess let's just do it. All right. Well, you can't win them all, Get up there. Okay. Are you going to try and kill me? Yeah. Yeah. Hail and all that shine. Damn. Look at him. He's got a long boy, too. Can I talk to him, freak? Stay clear of any flower baskets floating about. Damn. All right, let's go inside. It says it's up. That means I have to go up. Um, damn. I'm trying to beat down the doors in the castle. I feel like I feel like it's a bit of a mistake to do that. I don't know really, by the way. I'm probably doing everything wrong, but that's usually the way it is. Okay. So, I can't go in through there. I have to go up the stairs. That's what they're called. They're called stairs. So, wait. Whoa. A box. A box. Where's the box? Where's the box? This door is always locked. Where's the box? Says there's a treasure chest in this in this area. Where is it? Is it up here? Whoa. Wait. This is focus time. Focus time. Okay. Where is it? Where's the treasure chest? Oh my god. I cannot find it. Oh. Oh, it might be up here. What about this little door? Is this where the hobbits live? No Okay, maybe I go in through here. Oh, it's probably that girl. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I was thinking cuz like that girl was like so Yeah. Okay. What? Uh what? Wait, what? Go through the abyss gate. Agartha at last. step onto the platform. Okay, so you just go to those fast travel points. Got it. All right, let's go. Here is the test horse. It says you can't summon carry. Watch your Wait, wait, wait. I was trying to throw it. I didn't know how. You're finally here. She better be home. She's waiting for you. Wait, what? It's actually just a bird. This power will help you get inside. I thought she going to turn into like a a wizard or something like that. Sorceress. Use axiomatic force. Tab. I get it. I get it. I get I get the way it is. Pull. Pull. There it is. I did that. Can I use that on the rabbit? Where' they go? I will. Let me see. So, can I grip something that's really far far away? What happens if I try to grip like this? Nothing. All right, cool. Let's go. it's a red wizard who's been waiting for me. What's up, Ah, what you doing? I've been waiting for you. Just as virtue paves the path to wisdom. Your deeds have brought us together once more. You're that beggar. I am a Lucin. This is the Axiom archive. It is a repository of the universe's grand design. Wait, so you can understand the universe's design if you give the guy $1? The blueprint of a single world. Why did you summon me? There are beings who have brought chaos to your world, the consequences of which extend to even you and your comrades. Uh-oh. You have news of them. You will cross paths with those who escaped fate's grasp. But the balance of this world and the abyss has begun to falter. I think that's bad, right? If the cosmic order frays any further, our world, the abyss, and reality itself will unravel. That seems bad, right? You must restore the balance. Seems really bad before it's too late. I don't know what you mean. Such a grand undertaking. begins with small acts that will have profound effect on the fate of your world. What the I thought I was going to talk to him. For the abyss activation sky bridge pass through a bridge a force. No, let's go. Operate the alignment force. Turn. I did it wrong. It made a noise when it was right. Should I use precision jumps or should I use my own skill? I'm going to only up this There it is. Remember that loser? That loser in the uh in the review said he needed to use the the precision jumps for this. I am the precision jumps. I I I do whatever I want. Okay, good. Now what? Oh, we got to go up here. Oh. Oh. Almost died. Okay. I'm almost up to the top. Take me on an adventure, Mr. Mr. Brick. Ah. Oh boy. Then I go onto this one. There it is. Then we're going to go to this one. And then we're going to go down. That's pretty high up. You know what I mean? We're really uh we're really doing it. I'll do whatever I want. I'm not afraid of anything. Look at that. Is that like an elevator? It's a celestial elevator. How they say they play 100 hours of the game, but they only have gameplay from the first hour? Isn't that weird? Damn. So, I did all that by myself. Look at the world, man. This shit's huge. Embargo. Usually, the embargo ends a couple of days ahead of time. Step onto the platform. Activate the nex. Now, what? Remove the wall blocking the floor. Don't worry about me. Move the floating power cord to the deactivated lantern. Okay. You want me to take this Mr. Brick here? Come here. Come here. Come here. Come back. Come here. Come back. Get the over here. Get over here. Get on the block. Come here. Come here. Come here. There you go. There you go. You like that? How about that? Beautiful. Synthesize the the synthesizer. Oh, I did this. It's like making a computer. I'm going to put the processor in. Uh, look. Yeah, that's about right. No. Okay. Maybe not. Zap me. Oh, I can move with the mouse. You kidding me? Are you kidding me? Come here. All right. You need to go into the thing. You understand? Punch it. no. Here, why don't I re-calibrate? I don't understand. Observe. I don't Can it be rotated? I don't know. like I'm putting it right where it says it's supposed to be and then I hit it control on the NPC. wait. Did it work? DSB game. Oh, it it's not in like y'all have to understand nothing is intuitive to me. Like I can't intuitit things. Every single thing for me is like the first time I've ever seen it. The abyss power supply. Like unless I've already done something, I don't know how to do it. Like I'm not even kidding. Like I I I have no intuition for anything. So, it says activate the power supply. Well, how do I do that? Maybe I I talk to it. Maybe I got to punch it. Hang on the middle of the powered device. Well, how do I hang on to it? right. Sam says hang on. Hang on to the middle of the powered device. But there's multiple powered devices. What does powered device mean? Uh, is this the power device? this has got to be it. Okay, now what? Oh god. Trolling. No, I I as I said, I I just can't intuit it puzzles at all. like I have like no no brain unless it's like clearly spelled out for me or I've done something like it before. I just I don't I don't think the way other people think. Like straight up like if you've watched me play any video game, you know that. Like even things that should be obvious or like just impossible for me to figure I I you could I I had 100 hours. We're never figured that out. warrior brain. It's just like no, I just I don't I don't like thinking. Like I I hate having to like figure things out and like think like never thinking is like working. Oh, wait. This All right. All right. Now, there's a girl. Is this the bird? So, have you decided on your path? Oh, sorry. Who are you? I am White Crow. White Crow, a guardian of the abyss and a protector of your world's cosmic order. You're the woman from the sewer. The kindness you showed me back then will guide you on your path. Damn, I'm the chosen one. I knew it. Here, take these wings. I knew it, bro. The power to soar through the open skies is yours to command. Mhm. It's time to return. You're telling me to jump? Worry not. Those wings will see you down safely. Now take flight. The world is yours to explore. that's where I was at before. Press space bar to mid hour fly. Okay. Damn, look at this place. Place is huge. This is a big ass game. And this is where I was at, too. All right, let's land. Seems like that one didn't work. Let's survive at a checkpoint. Wait. Wait. I Okay, now I get it. Now I get it. Oh Now I'm going big fast. Damn. Look at me go. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Wait. So, space bar. Okay. So, deactivate and I reactivate. I told you I could do it. We figure it out. We're smart. You can fly now. No, I just have wings. Never enough stamina. My stamina sucks. I've been telling you never Breath of the Wild. Yeah, I never have. You're right. Never did wear the night outfit from the deluxe edition. Wait, how do I do that? Whoa. Wait, I How do I get Whoa. Whoa. The knight. It says I don't have it. What are y'all talking about? You look like you've got some coin. What are you doing asking me for money? If you hear all the gray mates got white tail, we got to go to Lion Crest Watchtower. Scammed. I know. M I bet that's the watchtowwer. Check check check the envelope and settings. Okay. Uh map inventory a document the letter. No, that's not it. That's the from the girl add-on in settings. Okay. Give me a minute. Uh, where does it say? Settings. Settings. Add-ons. Receivable items. It says empty. Refresh. I got scammed. They scammed me, bro. Wait. Wait. Are these guys bad? Wait. Why would they attack me? Oh, I got I got no killing. Save it for later. I didn't even mean to do that. You're going to lose. Where? Wait. Where's my weapon? Where's my weapon? Or nothing. What? Where my weapon go? Where my weapon go? I I Why do I not have my weapon? Tab. No. No. It's F2. It's F2. It's F2. Can I use it? Wait, wait. I know what to do. I know what to do. Come here. No, it didn't work. Okay. All right. There. Come on. Come on. Okay. Um, I'm trying to figure out how to use the Okay. Okay. Equip. Equip, but it doesn't let me. Okay, I have it. I have it. I have it. Damn, that guy got up hard. That wasn't so bad at all. I got poison arrows and a key. Y'all said, by the way, there was accessibility for motion sickness, blur intensity. I'm going to take it to zero. I'm going to do one more thing. Oh, wait. But I thought I thought jump with space bar. Then why does it say control? Like it says jump is spacebar. This is jump. Oh, it is jump. But I didn't want it to be that. That's right. I forgot. You change it. No, I didn't. should be control. Apply aim and guard. Evade should be spacebar and aim should be alt. And then this can be this. And I want to apply. Why? because that's the way I want it to be because because my role a defensive role is always it is always always gentlemen space bar. It's never not spaceb bar. Uh what Put up a fight. Damn, that got killed. All right. So, give me one second. I got to figure something else out cuz I I I forgot. Okay. All right. All right. All right. So, where's it? Where's it? Okay. Um, heavy attack select. I want to have it on be be like that cuz that's that's my heavy attack button. And then, oh, I should do block, too. This is very important for me. Like my brain doesn't work unless Well, it doesn't work period, but like it really won't work if I don't have this set up. Okay, so where's block? Where's block? It doesn't say block. what on the top? No, it says sprint, evade. Oh, guard. Oh, never mind. Okay. I don't know. All right. All right. Let's just Let's just go. Let's just go. All right. It's time for him to die. What were you doing with them arrows, I didn't think so. Let's do it. Time to kill everybody now. Now I know how to play. Tired of this. Okay. Go through this. Kill this guy. Time to trim the fat. There it is. Get him out of Get out of my life, What's that doing? Damn. What the Trim the fat. It's all right. Like I I uh I'm having a hard time picking up the There's a lot of like uh controls that you have to understand. And if you don't understand the control like that the controlling the game is the biggest difficult factor. I've liberated a whole region. Yeah, for me that's what I'm having the hardest time with. Other than that, it's easy. Use a fire arrow to remove the vines. But I thought I clicked. It says remove. But What is it? Q. What the do you want? I'm sorry. Oh no. Sorry about that. Okay. So, if there's fire here, turn off the fire. Well, does that mean I want to put this in the arrow? Yeah. Yeah, that's the way it works. Okay. Got it. What does this say? Heartman plague helm. That seems really good. But I just stole a painting. Do I just really do that? I'm just going to walk through it. It's probably not going to do anything. I got to run. I got to run. I'm running. I'm up. Spinning boys can't get me. All right, let's loot all this. Okay, give me a minute. And you. Okay. Uh, I got a copper pouch. I got a box. Okay. I was hoping for that. Uh oh. Memory fragments scattered throughout the world. Activate the device. Hold F2 to select the visionary. uh wait, what? How? But it says to do it. Press F2 to equip it from the headgear tab. Well, I thought I had it equipped. It is equip. It's equipped. Then hold it. Lantern. What? Armor tab E. But I I can't I don't understand cuz if I hold it down, I can't press E. Wait. Oh, I can click it. Okay. What the is this? Dyslexia. Vision. if you're seeing this, you're fortunate indeed. Surprised? I'm not actually there. What you're looking at is a memory. more precisely one of the moment I recorded this. This device is called the vision. It captures and stores information gathered from the world around it and then projects that scene back to the viewer. It's like a a camera with the user's mind. A small flaw perhaps, but hardly controller mapping is also up. Controls for the game suck. They're totally unintuitive. Enjoy the video now to the fullest. Okay. Speak with the child here. I I got to think. Oh, we got to go out of here. what's this? Can I Can I get the money? Coins. book coins. Yo, this. This is I'm literally picking up one penny at a time. Okay, let's go back. I'm good. I'm good. I'm just going to ignore that. Boom, I'm out. H. There's that kid from earlier. Finally. I almost dozed off waiting for you. My friend wants to thank you with a special gift for getting Gigi back. And Gigi says he'll take you there himself. So stick close. Follow his lead. I have to follow a cat. See you next time. Follow the cap. Yes. take me to where I want to go. Game hard to figure out. Yeah, there's a lot of um like unnecessary complication with systems like in terms of like using functions and stuff like that, but that's like the only thing that I find to be annoying. Everything else besides that been fine so far. catch peony. You know what wins me with menus? Yeah, I think that's like the only thing I would really say is like bad. Bro, stop to smell the roses. I didn't stop to smell the roses. I stopped to pull that right out from the ground and now it's in my pocket. That's my rose now. And plenty of menus, guys. Yeah, I think menus can be good and bad. I these menus that functionality is uh unnecessary. There's a certain type of um elegance to simple design that makes it to where Damn. Oh, wait. Where's the rabbit? Wait. Oh my god. I forgot about Mr. Cap. I've been misled. The hell was it? What? Oh. Uh, simo. You and I about Okay. Um, F and click on a target to use nature's grasp, allowing you to move with heavy object. What? But I I don't understand. I press F. Do I have to observe this guy too? X to enter focus. I'll focus right now. What the am I supposed to do now? I guess it don't work this way. Well, I got to click on it. I have to unravel the secret of the ancient ruins. So, maybe I got to talk to this one. Punch it. Sure. I might as well. Oh, wow. Okay. Use the forest. Oh god. No. Any any hold? Hold up. Oh, you're the one who helped my friend. I have a gift for you. What's this stupid little? I'm sure it'll come in handy. No, I power of nature flows through you. If Rippy trusts you, then I can entrust this power to you. See you. Okay, let's go. All right. Y'all said there was loot. Where? What y'all talking about their loot for? There's no loot. What are y'all talking about for all dumb as hell? Abyssal Crescent. I got to loot something. Y'all should have told me that. I know. Why didn't it let me fly? Why? Why? I don't understand. I thought I thought I was supposed to fly. What? What the I I know. I don't What are you talking about me? I don't know that You changed the settings. Wait, what? that'll do it. Yep. I know that horse. Mhm. Oh god, run. I have to talk to the group of guys. Hey. Whoa. Okay. Oh. Oh, these guys right here. I must face a Greymane myself. Wait, who? Who? This guy. Speak with a person looking for Greymanes. All right. You're looking for Greymanes? Oh, what do we have here? Look at this. I think a Greymane's gone and found us. Ah, our lucky day. How much is Mirin's bounty again? Nice helmet. I give you. I want to let him know who it is. Is your life worth so little? Enough. Imagine this dude shows up. I apologize for my men. They may have given you the wrong impression. I am the Knight, Matias. Damn, look at them. I've long wished to test my skills against a Greymane. Who's that guy? Say you. You're here standing before me. What reason of you to refuse my challenge? None I can think of. So, it's true what they say. Damn. All right, let's go. You walk your chosen path even when staring death in the face. I hope you live up to the legends. Well, don't aim to disappoint. Quite the quick tongue. Let's get this Is your sword arm quicker? Oh, reputation is deserved. Why it not let me get out? This is just a warm up. I call to combat. This is a duel for the ages. Pump kick. Hold F. this is a dual. hold up. Oh, there's like an energy thing I used to use that spell. I didn't know that. I feel like that that kick is really good. Got him. for actually. I won't hold back any longer. I call you to come back. Show me your all. Oh, now I'm just big on him. Oh, Harry. What's wrong? What's wrong? Oh, you want another one? How about one more? One more. One more. You want one of these? Oh, man. What's wrong? Get out of my eyes. Come here. Come back. Come back. I'm just like got you. They say Paloon's finest swordsman is a Sword. It was an honor to duel him. A knight of honor. Not bad yourself. I had believed I was quite strong, but the world is vast and there are many who are stronger still. Damn. It was a good match, Greymane. What a champion. I can't loot his sword. Speak with the man. Oh, here he is. You're as remarkable as I've heard. It appears the clucking of house hens held a kernel of truth. I am Bardon Midler, the marshall of I serve Marquee Circus, lord and steward of this land. It is an honor to witness such swordsmanship. I have to give something. What do you want? I can't. Pardon my presumptuousness. But I have come with an urgent request. We're short-handed. We need the help of someone like you, Greymane. Marshall, I I've been meaning to thank Get to the point. Of late, the peace in this region has been sorely troubled. Briggins run rampant, and despite our best attempts, we've been unable to thw I believe they have a powerful benefactor pulling the strings. You good? However, we have no solid evidence to support this claim, and we can't afford further investigation. If you were to lend us your aid, Marquee Circus will be more than pleased. Sorry, but my priority is finding my comrades. I'm not sure I'd be much help on my own. The marquee is a generous lord. He will surely aid in reestablishing the Grey Maids until we meet again. So, um, excuse me. All right. So, let's see here. Where is he? Mr. Horse. Let's do it. Do you recommend the game? I played it for like an hour, man. Damn, look at all that. So far, I I think that the everything about the game is good except for the controls. So, like one thing is that I don't think the game does a good job. Like, whoa, wait. He knows his place. He knows his place now. Wait, y'all just killed him? Damn. Wait, y'all just killed this guy for what? Damn. For being a bandit. Maybe they just kill him for being poor, you know? Like, you don't want poor people in your village messing the whole place up, you know? You don't want them messing up your your nice village with all their their poor their ugly ass poor face and their shitty clothes. Sometimes you just got to take them outside the village and kill them. You just got to go. Yeah, I got to know their place. I think they're going to be in your village. Uh-uh. You a shame about the control. Controls suck. Controls are the worst thing about the game in my opinion. Wait, what? You've just squandered your last chance. What y'all? What? Why? Try to understand. Why would you want Why would I want to squander my chance? You arrogant You really think? Honestly, like, bro, you you y'all actually think You really want to with me when I kill you? Die already, you shake, man. Damn. Whoa. Hold on. Y'all trying to shoot that arrows at me, huh? Get the out of here, Oh. Oh. What's wrong? What's wrong? You expecting another one? You want another one? Oh, Mr. Poke Boy. Huh? Oh, get out of here. Cut your head off, Get out of here. Who's next? What are you doing? What you doing, Robin Hood? What's going on, boys? Oh. You little dick sucker. I them up, huh? Oh, wow. Should you need aid, I got to go to lotus board. Give me a minute. I got to put my I got to put my hoodie on. Quit eyeballing me. I want to let y'all know the only reason I'm doing this off stream off camera is so y'all don't see. Can I help you? It pulls my hair back and so it's going to show my my hairline and I don't want y'all to see that. You're staring. I don't want y'all to see my hairline. So, I have to put on my hoodie off camera. Okay, just give me a minute. No, I'm not bald. There's nothing wrong with my hairline. I just I just don't want y'all to see it. That's all. I just don't want people to see it. No, it's totally fine. Like, my hairline's actually If anything, it's improving. I just don't want people to see something uh it in the process of improving. I'm here to help. I just I I I don't I don't need people to see that. all right. We're good, man. what's this saying? He say want me to stab him. He wants me to stab him already. Damn. All right. Coping. What do you mean? Well, I need to cope. Why would I like my kind of manual? Horn thief. Horn thief. What's this? Looks like uh looks like a goat. What about this? Strange noises from the cave. Is that built for this game? What do you mean? It's a video game. Every video game is easy. Anybody that has problems playing video games is a They're made for kids. Like I I there are games that I just don't really vibe with. And but am I enjoying this game? Yeah, I'm enjoying the game. It's fun. Uh now there are a lot of things about the game that I find to be tedious and annoying. Like this is tedious and annoying. But this is the way the game's designed. They made the game this way on purpose. Do you need So I You just have to deal with it. Just deal with it. Like uh I I mean like that's really just that simple. Like that that that's just the way the game is. Yeah. Like you can't get mad about it. Like that's just the way the game. Now the only actual criticism I have is the controls. I think controls are terrible. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible controls. But other than that, how we doing? How we doing? How do I throw? How do you throw? Q. Is it? Maybe it's tab. Drop. Okay. What if I drop it off the edge? Damn it, man. I mean, you got I got to try everything much more than No, I didn't like Boom, It's me. What's up, you drunk old You stupid ass drunk piece of Like this right here. like walking into this like the control like you shouldn't have to press control to interact. Like this is confusing. I'll get back my cows everyone. I'll get back my some faith. Solomon is sure to bring them back. You'll see. You think them rotten bandits just going to bring them all back? A bloody fool's what you are, brother. Maybe we should just kill him. He's got a point. You know your cows are as good as dead. I reckon. Yes, she's right. I've asked for her all over town. I've even bought Have you purchased a woman yet? Guard. Neither. Actually, the only one being terrorized, you know. I It's worth a try. Who the is this guy? Is that Shrek? They've got their hands full dealing with those bleed bandits. Bastards always have an excuse. They ain't nothing but nobleman's lap dogs. that lot. It's been three days. I'm sure they'll come out. Use a controller. No, it's just the It's a It's a philosophy. You can wait all you want, Bremer. They ain't coming. Never. They will. They have to. That's enough. Let's just go. No matter how much we fuss, the cows aren't coming back. What has the world come to, eh? Are you in need of help? Why does my voice sound like I'm in a brass dome? I need all the help in the world. Why Why is it Why is this Why is Why do I talk like that? Was being blasted to splinters bits here and there. I wonder bandits took every uh I think my mic's broken. Solomon has put trial after trial before Is that your house? It was before it became kindling. Blasted boulder fell from the sky. Oh, that was my fault. And bandits plucked up whatever rock didn't lay flat. The heathen took my precious cows. Every one of them. Oh no. Plundering a home in ruin. Any idea why? Not even the slightest. I'm going to change my gear after this. told them to just take the damn cows. But they took their fists to my face, demanding more and more. Just look what they did to my face. Hey. Hey, calm down. I'm not asking for much. I'm just trying to get by. Please help me get my cows back. Oh my god. Thank you so much. Slap them around. Why don't you slap him around a little bit? Slap him around a little bit. Let him know what's going on. Now, let me look at my gear. So, inventory. Where's my free loot? I thought I bought the deluxe edition. It says empty. I can't What the Yeah. All right. All right. So, what do I have for loot? so this says three defense and my current item has um zero defense. Okay, so that's that's pretty bad. And this one has two defense. Let me put this one on then. And then Is that a fire arrow? It's an explosive Oh, now we're gaming. You have to hit a button in a button to interact over game, bro. No. Um, if there's a there's no reason for there to be a separate Oh, wait. I can turn my That didn't work. Yeah. I wonder if I can shoot a bird. Do I have infinite arrows? It doesn't say I have arrows. Do I? If you're seeing this, you're fortunate 42. Damn. Where does it say that? I'm not actually there. What you're looking at is a memory. More precisely, one of the moment I recorded this. What's he got a mask on for? Is called the vision. gathered from the world around it. And then projects that scene I've seen this back to the Well, how the did that just randomly happen? I don't even know how I did that. Speak with the witness. Is this the witness? If you're slow, you're just a tool for someone sharper. I guess not. Maybe this guy's the witness. Well, what the the goat is not the witness. Then what the Speak with the witness. But there's nobody there. What the am I supposed to do? Oh, he ran away. Well, We ran away. piece of ran away. Okay, I'm going to teleport away. I'm going to tell I'm out. I'm going to run back. I'm going to go away. I'm going to come He bounced. Never to be seen again. Yeah, I was like, "What the you talking about?" Level achieved. Wait, what? Level two skills. Dash, but I'm not I don't have levels, do I? I don't think I do. Okay, let me turn around and hopefully I can do it now. Soft locked already. I Where the ho at? The are you doing? The are you doing? It's that way. But what about the cows? Hey. All right. the cows. I don't say a word about them to Bremer. the cows. Better he lost his cows than his life. Those cows are his old life. Show some sympathy. I'm just being honest. Cows ain't worth getting killed over. Yes, they are. What I'm trying to say is, pardon me. You know where the stolen cows are. What's up, bro? Why would you ask us about that? Are you raging cow Fresh off the farm. Are you Look at my face. Oh, look at my face. Stink. Well, I got that He was asking me. Hi. I saw them. Follow me. I'll lead you to them. I got to get on the horse. I think this guy is going to lead me to a pack of bandits that are going to try to ambush me. I think that's what's going to happen. Like I'm feeling that's what's going to happen. The world sure has been cruel to Bremer. How so? Well, his cows were stolen. I heard about that and a stone from the sky crushed his own to splinters. Maybe he just story has become the talk of the town. Maybe he should just die. If that Willian boy didn't find Bremer among the rubble I feel like honestly would be on Solomon's steps right now. Just kill the guy, you know. Ask him why that rock was sent his way. I mean he obviously has bad karma despite his hardships. Who could have imagined suffering damage from a boulder falling out of the sky? pro brother. Well, I suppose he should be grateful just to have survived. Still, I know how wretched this has been for Bremer. Look at that tree. Those dead cars. It's like the tree in Elen Ring. It is, I reckon. I kind of want to go over there. Those damn bandits. What do y'all think? Should we go over there after this? I kind of want to just do it and see what happens. The bandits hideout is just a little further. I saw them take all the bridge. Yeah, let's go. That tree, bro. There's a strange smell getting stronger the closer we get. Uhoh. What's the smell? Is it KFC? Seems like it's not. Seems like it's not KFC. I don't know what it could be then. Just up ahead. What? These losers fishing. As far as your coin gets you. Good luck. I got to get off the horse. Come into my domain. Oh. Oh yeah, that's right, Where's this loser at? There were two guys. I thought. What are you doing, fat boy? What you doing, fat boy? Oh, what's wrong? I one tapped him. That was nothing. I got to be sneaky. I got to be sneaky. I wonder if you can assassinate. I'm going to enjoy every bit of this. Can you can by hitting? Oh, got him. Where they at? What's he doing? What are you doing? Spinning around. Anybody else? What are you doing, Tackle him. Oh, hit him. Okay. I I got to tie him up. I I don't know how it works. I it was a fast event and I I couldn't think that fast. take Let me take all the stuff. Right. Carry. Okay. I don't need this. I just throw that over there. Yeah. Get out of here. Okay. Take weapons box. Wait, I got a box full of weapons. Wait, what the hell am I doing? What the heck? What the am I doing? Reinforce your equipment. Okay. Oh. Oh, I see. It's like a It's like a temporary buff. Okay, I get it. All right. And then cactus Warhammer. Wait a minute. Cactus Warhammer. Use your lantern where it reacts. Oh, maybe it's in here. Okay. So, says I want to use the lantern It says I have to read about the memory of the cows. Hold control. No. What the is this? It's the helmet, bro. But it says to use your lantern. It says use your l How do I use the lantern? let me maybe I equip the helmet. Wait, it didn't equip. Equip. Whoa. Wait. What the Use. Wait. How is it not? What the am I supposed to do deactivated? It says, "What the hell is this? I can't Oh my god. Okay. vis. No, I already did that. Hold control. No, it doesn't work in the combat zone. No, I don't know what that means. Like, it just did something. Oh man. Use space. No, it doesn't work either. Use F2 and swap helmets. Well, that's good. Use control. No, that didn't work either. I I don't know what the to do. I actually I I have no idea how to use this game. I have no idea what I'm doing. Uh like I don't know why is it even like Okay, let me just weapon wheel. But it doesn't even make sense. Like so Oh, that looks cool. like so if this is the lantern then I could spacebar and the lantern is on. It says, "Use your lantern where it reacts." Now, what does reacting mean? This looks like it's reacting because there's a blue on it. So, what does that hold it? What? What do you mean hold? I'm holding space. That doesn't work. Hold control. Jesus Christ. Okay. Um, the lantern reacts and sends signals to your location where the memories fragment. Okay. Play a revealed memory at the location. Okay. So, what do I do now? So, I guess I have to do this, right? Read the memory. It says read the memory on the cow's whereabouts. Oh, I have to I have to make my weapon stronger. Wait, do what about this? Do I Do I have to do over here? Read the memory about the where about the C? Okay, so how do I read a memory? Investigate the whereabouts of BMER stolen cows. Is this it? I think I got it. But wait, I thought I had it. I don't the missing cow. Okay, here we go. All right. So, now what? Wait. Okay. So, it doesn't What about this? Do I have to click on this, too? It says, "Read the memory on the cow's What does that mean? Read the memory fragment. Does that mean I go to my journal and I find where what what are memory fragments? I think it's like F2, right? Now use your helmet. Okay. All right. So, how do I use the helmet again? Okay. Armor equipped It went completely mad and then died. How could it just die? Holy Jesus Christ. Is this you? idiots. I told you to use it sparingly. Why even take that damage? Forget it. We need to move. Return to Bremer. All right, let's go. We got to go back. Um, uh, let's see. I'm trying to decide how I want to go that way. Okay, I'll just I'll just ride back. It's not a big deal. Let's go. That looks really good. The controls are clearly by a software developer, not a game designer. The controls, like I I I don't know if I've ever played a game with worse design for controls before. Like actually I I have um in 1996 uh King's Quest very bad year for video games. very bad year. Oh my god, it's so terrible. Like the game is good, but like these controls and like the there there are a lot of unnecessary functions. Like it it's just like kind of the controls in this game are like playing quap. Like just using like there's no reason for that to even be a function. Well, where are they? You get used to it. All of them. A lot of people won't. They'll just get annoyed and quit. Curse. I guarantee it. Guarantee it. You'll be all right. It's convoluted. It's Solomon's will. Please take this. Everyone pitched in. Thank you for your kindness. And we'd like to request. Say no more. Are you saying that you'll uh I I'll hunt down the ones responsible. It's time to kill. You You truly are a good person. I don't know what to say. I'm eternally grateful. These bandits aren't the sort you can go easy on. I truly hope you catch them. We got to kill them so no one else will have to suffer. So, speak with the enraged man. Oh All right. And let me Okay. So, inventory and I have to equip like just like the the menus are just absolutely horrible. Like I I don't understand how anybody could have made this and thought that it was good. I I I don't understand it even for the the slightest amount. Like this is so terrible. Like everything about like the controls and everything is like just it's like there's so many unnecessary interactions that could have just all been if you consolidated every single one of these interactions into an interact button. The game would immediately become better. It would immediately be better. Let me get the horse. Where's my horse? molving. Yeah. Well, I mean it it's annoying whenever you have go and and another thing that Get out of here, another thing like for example is that like moving the like there's a lot of there's a lot of like very minor things that I think are just kind of design fuckups. Like for example, like you know how in Witcher 3 you just press shift again and Roach starts starts running fast? This doesn't work that way. And so you just have to press shift like an unknown amount of times and then then it starts moving. But like it's it doesn't it's not intuitive in the way that you would assume that like you know whenever you're riding a horse you hold down shift to continue making your character run faster. It's like Red Dead, maybe. I've never played Red Dead. It's in the dark. Find out what the commotion is about. All been locked off. Did you cut them off it by now? Why would someone? No. Doesn't feel good. Money. Why the hell would I do that? Calm down. Just what? Damn, he's mad. That sound like the Abano, you know. Huh? Well, does it? Does it? They were to be sold off in a few days. Who the hell will buy them now? At least you didn't lose anything else. The hell I didn't. Those rotten bastards. Took bloody everything. Ah, that explains it. We seen some strange folk lurking around your house, didn't we? Right. Damn it. what? Yeah, I saw it, too. You did all. I drank a lot that day. Uh-huh. Hey, when didn't you say something? What can we do about it? You're bound to get caught sooner or later. Hey. Hey, let's get going. Come have a drink once you can. Damn. Everybody's just mad. God damn. Couldn't help overhear it. You were robbed. The are you? You're trying to get me worked up again. Calm down. I'm not here to cause Damn. He just had to let him know. By the sun, you're strong. Tell me. You're goddamn right, brother. You heard for yourself, didn't you? Some thieving scum sacked my house. They would have done me in two if I had gone and run off. And were they after something? Some bit of rock. I heard it clear. Heard him say they was ordered to find it. Didn't say by who and you had it. What I do was some bloody rock. Eat it. He's just spazzing out. Now that I think of it, maybe they meant those stones that have been falling from the sky. The big rocks. I'll try and track the thieves down. wait. Really? Well, get going then. I'll reward you for finding even a single spoon. Okay. All right. Where they at? Where they at? Oo, they're all the way over there. Okay, let's go. All right. Um, let me go. Okay. Horse. Oh, it's dog. Excuse me. Have you got a moment? Wait, what? Yeah. Who the is this? Wait, what? He just Wait, what? Okay, let's go over this way. He touched me. He did. Is this game comparable to Witcher 3? I mean, I I don't I I I I mean, I don't know. I mean, like maybe a little bit, but like it's not really the same as Witcher 3. Let me use my horse. Where's my horse? Where is he? There he is. if you had to recommend it. Well, let me as I said, I think that the game is like the only the only problem that I have is with the controls. Like other than that, the game is good. It's just that I really think the controls are horrible. Oh my god, I almost fell down. Look at this glorious pile of load of bollocks. Thought I'd stumbled onto some easy try controller. I don't want to use What a waste of our time. Mate, who the hell is that? Uh-oh. We got to kill everybody. Why don't you come and have a look? You'll be the last thing you see. You're the ones out here making trouble. Oh, that's one dead. How you fam? He died fast. Okay. So, let me Oh, no. I got to use the lantern again. Okay. Let me Can I open this? How does this work? What is this? Like I Palmar pill. Okay. Mysterious elixir. Oh, that that seems good. Okay. And then it said I have to use Wait a minute. Hornless goat. And then I have to read the memory. Okay. How do I do this again? Okay. Wait, wait. So, so then I have to It went completely I don't even know what I did and then died. How could he just die? What? No. No. No. Hey. Hey. Hands off. Is this you? Bloody hell. Idiots. They're mad as hell. Sparingly mouth controls is act like BDO. We need to move. Then BDO's controls suck. I don't even understand what you mean. Like like what what what do you mean? So So the BDO's controls are bad, so it's okay for these to be bad. It doesn't even make sense. Okay. So all right now. All right. Uh let's see. So F2 and then I'm going to control and I want to put on the special hat. how do I activate the the read the wrong one? Okay, give me a minute. You did an old memory. I I forgot even how to do a memory. Like there's just too many of these like weird combination functions. Like there's no knowledge memory fragments. Okay, here we go. Can I can I click on this? How do I Why What does it even mean? Like I inventory, unequip, inspect, press F2, then hold F2 and select the vision to read the memory. So I have to press F2. Well, I don't press F2. I have to hold F2 Wait, no. Play this memory. Why in the world did you bring ghosts? Could be worth some coin. I told you not to get calls. And we didn't. They're worth it. Listen, we did just what you asked and pay up the coin. Bloody imbecile. You You'll get your money after I get what I want. We did exactly what you told us. You said you wanted some rocks. We brought plenty. Big rocks, small rocks, some real prize winners. We picked up every damn pebble around that bloody house. But not one of them radiates light. I'm starting to think your glowing rocks ain't real. Now wait, the glowing rocks aren't real. What do you mean? UI guy definitely getting fired at Pearl Abyss. Good. The whoever made this is a idiot. Like it it's basically like the game is good, but like this one function in the game is so problematic that I think it will shade people's perspectives for the game because they won't know how the game works. It's It's terrible. I I don't think that I've ever seen a UI for a video game or like a function system for a video game that's worse than this, which is so insane because so much else in the game is great, but like they just for some reason couldn't figure this out at all. It's insane. All right, I figured it out. Here, I track the bandits down. I killed them. Huh? You found them? I kill. Where are those thie Dead. Those filthy flappy horses. You won't be seeing them again. And my belongings by the river. Couldn't carry them all. You mutton. You can't even carry some boxes. Huh? What is this anyway? Could fetch a pretty sum. You found this with my stuff. Is it not yours? Oh. Of course it is. Here your reward. Big money for everything. Big money. Off you go. This is worth at least a dozen goats. A dozen goats. that's a lot of goats. Let's see. The controls are absolute dog Yeah, that's my only that's my only complaint for the game. like the story. Like this is going to sound racist. My expectations for any Korean video game is for the story to be terrible. I don't know what the y'all are doing over in Korea, but it sure as hell ain't right in good stories. Holy But I'm just going to say it. I'm just going to say like every every one of these Wait, what's this blue thing? Wait, wait, wait. It's important. What's the blue thing? I don't want want to buy that. It's just a rock. Don't want that. Spitting facts. I Somebody got to say it. Somebody got to say it, brother. Get out of here, you duck. I'm Korean and I don't find that racist. Track record speak for itself. I mean, I don't know what y'all do. I I I I don't I don't get it cuz the thing is I I've been watching solo leveling is great. So, like, was that like just an accident? Like, how was that good? But everything else is like, what the hell is going on? is like Lost Ark, Kazan, uh, Throne of Liberty, Stellar BL, Stellar Blade, you know, you know what I mean, right? And so soloing story is not good compared to this, bro. It's Lord of the Rings. All right. All right. All right. So, we got to go. Okay, talk to the crying child. I've got another idea. Surviving as it is. Shouldn't we walk? Wait for the right time. Right. Let's band together and drive them out. Fine day for it. Thing is, fine day for shutting the up. Isn't that a good thing? Good. Oh, the kid's crying. I'm scared. It feels like my tooth is about to fall out now. It's going to fall out. That's what happens. You want to with me? Nobody even thinks about it. You with a champion right here. Now, what the do I do? Says wait for the right time. I don't know. Let me go talk to Jesus up Speak with the Lord of all the Who's the Lord? It says not to do that. Are you simple? The hell were you then? What? What? Oh, now now Oh, now I'm the bad guy, right? Oh, now I'm the bad. Right. Let me move away. I'm going come back. It says speak to the crying child, but there's no crying child. Press escape. Will we by listen to the child's story? Is this him? Is this him? This could be Look at this stupid hat. Someday my friends and I will set off on a grand adventure. That's not it. Okay, maybe now. Now this is going to happen. Now hit escape. Well, he's dead, you idiot. What? How? No, he's not fighting. He keeps saying stupid things. Leave him alone. I heard my dad say Willy's dead. Stop it. Can't you see William's crying? Crying won't get Willie back. Willy's not dead. He will come back. Don't cry. Just get over it, stupid. Shut up. I'm going to get Woolly back. Right. It was telling you find him. I don't know what that means. Did something bad happen? Yes, my woolly's got sheep now. But I was visiting Mr. Bremer when that rock fell from the sky. And when I got home, what happened? What happened? Did any adults see what happened? Yeah, they said they saw some bad men take Willie and we can't get him back. I'll try to find him. Where's this stupid little kid? This stupid little kid. Shut the up. That's not nuts. Who's this? I saw them entering the cave. Pardon me. Who are you? Aren't you that fellow that defeated Matias? Yeah, that's quite the feat. He was amazing. Well, what brought such a fine warrior here? Have you…

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