This may have been my most favorite game ever

I did say I would play more of this game. I did promise it. And we're going to continue. This game has been really, really good. I have been shocked at how good this game is. I am. You like it? I do. I like it a lot. It's a very, very fun game. All righty, boys. Let's try it out. We get to continue. So, this time around we're in LA. We're balling out. Everything's doing great. We're having fun. Oh, it's reconnecting. Where is it? There it is. I got 18,949 viewers. I am [ __ ] balling. Okay, good. Now, let's go around. I need to figure out what to do. Okay, I have to get Wait, I have to get suspended to make Pirate Software happy with me. Well, who's this guy? Is this my neighbor? The LA tides. Oh, this is something I think we saw before. What's this? It's locked. Wait, why? Oh, I forgot about my velociraptor. Oh, yeah. Okay. Should I try mug on these other? That's right. Yeah, I was at the mall. I have to get a book for this guy. That's right. Let me pick this up. Okay, we're going to go back over here. There it is. Well, who's this loser? Talk to Rando. Who's rando? Dude, don't touch my car. BACK UP OR I'M GOING to beat your ass on guard. I'm going to threaten him right now. You ain't going to beat up [ __ ] [ __ ] I'll kick your car and your teeth in, [ __ ] ass. Damn. Whoa, relax, dude. I've just been hearing about people going around kicking cars, and I'm a little paranoid. I'm going to go kick his car now. Yeah, those people are me, bro. Yeah. Give me one reason why I shouldn't put my foot in its tailpipe. That's right, bro. Let them know. STOP. PLEASE, MAN. This is a new McLaren. I paid 200 grand for it. Call it fake. Looks like a team McLaren, bro. Yep. Fake as hell. Oh, it's not fake, bro. Shit's real as [ __ ] Ask to drive it. I want to drive it. Drive it then. Yeah. Only way to prove it. That's right. I want to text and drive. And why would I let you do that? Because I'm a live streamer and I deserve it. Cuz I'm kind of a big deal. Don't you know who I am? Wait, I think we met before. You from Maplewood? Maybe. Damn straight. Diane, I made it out the hood. Now, let me drive the whip. Wait. Oh my god. Kaden Brenley, I see your [ __ ] clips all the time, dude. I Damn, they knew me. All right, sure. You can drive it. The highway northbound is closed right now for construction, so we can just have the road to ourselves. Great. So, I get to drive the car. Oh my god. Hold space to look at your phone. Uh-huh. Wait till Lois sees this. Hey, Lois. Uhhuh. What? This is good. No pants on. You can't just walk around with no pants on. The kids can see you. It's nothing they haven't seen before. Just a minute. We need to get into you. Over here. We got to go this way. Wait, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. What? Okay. All right. We're good. Okay. Never mind. I got to get under control. Let me get back on the right lane. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. He already thinks you're How do I go faster? How do I go faster? I want to go faster. The caps are sent though. One thing. Wait, what? WAIT. OH, WOW. I DON'T WANT TO SHOW THAT. OKAY. Want a red light? Where? Okay. This car's got good handling. Look at this. Look. Okay. All right. No, it's good. Look, it's reading the chat. Isn't this good? Wow. Chat say extra. Wait, what? What? Cuz she's a woman. I had sex with her. Guys, this is normal. It's okay. Seeing this girl. OH, SMOOTH. YEAH, I'M DOING GREAT. WHAT do you mean? For about a year and a half. Okay. Okay. Yeah, I I'm doing Yeah, I'm doing fine. What's this? Okay, here. Let me see if I can do a 360. Okay. Okay. Okay. Streams games and does these little just pay out. Wait, what? Oh, I wonder if I can go on the other side. No, I can't. Wait, what's just a minute? Uh, driving meta texting and driving. Look, it says Oh, [ __ ] Oops. Shouldn't have been there. Shouldn't have been there, brother. What are they doing? Drive like every woman. Yeah, of course. No, it's okay. She barely remember this shit's 200. Wait, wait, wait. Okay. No. Oh, I see the end. I see the end. I see the end. Okay, let's go. Go as fast as I can. What? Whose car was this again? It's not mine, I'll tell you that. What's this? Well, you know, that's the way it goes. All right. Rate my drip. Rate my drip, boys. No, it's okay, guys. It's all right. Not even a high like she used to. This is why it says this is why insurance is high. Responds to that. I say something. I say something crickets. I've been trying to get her to open up. I've sent her some DMs. Even tagged her on her Discord server, but she's not responding. It's like she's avoiding meh. And honestly, I'm getting kind of mad. Yeah, communication is over. Okay, it's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. Drive to the end of the road. It's fair for her to just ice me out like this. Brought it up in her chat like just That's fine. That's not make it awkward. So, I just What the [ __ ] bro? This shit's too uh Well, how do I get around this? I'm going to get Oh god. Holy [ __ ] Bro, is my drone okay? My legs. GOD. WHAT THE [ __ ] BRO? MY DRONE. My whole [ __ ] drone, bro. Is it broken? There's no way. Yo, hold it for me. Yo, is my drone my legs? Am I going to lose my leg? I don't I don't want to look, bro. Where am I bleeding from? Make sure it's okay for me, bro. I didn't buy the protection plan [ __ ] I'm collective. It's broken. bro. No shot. I got banned. Staff always hoing on me, MAN. WAIT, THEY B WHY THEY BANNED me for? What? WHY I DIDN'T DO I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG? They banned me for nothing, bro. I I didn't do anything wrong and they just randomly banned me. Why would they ban me? Stupid ass [ __ ] bro. This game is dumb. Okay, let me go. Oh, now I have to go talk to Pyro Software cuz I got banned. Wait, but my viewership went up when I got banned. It worked. Simple. We passed this class and then I get my certificate. Yo, Ank, I got banned. I followed your advice and capitalized on that [ __ ] I didn't even lose any viewers. I gained viewers. Then your training is complete. Yes. Congratulations, broccoli cut. I bestow upon you the certificate of completion in live streaming mastery. As a parting gift, I'm giving you the official pyroeconomics authored by yours truly. Oh wow. Follow the guides and you'll not only retain viewers, but gain viewers when banned. [ __ ] yeah. You received a passive buff. Getting suspended will now increase your viewership. Oh, bro. Looking forward to seeing it. ask for any final tips. Got any final tips, bro? Just be confident in your griffs. My games and gamedev experience were never the hook for my audience. It was my confidence about it. They really hate him. They do. This is Pirate Software is the only one that I can very very clearly tell they actually don't like his ass. I'm going to let you in on a little secret. I don't even know how to code. The whole time I worked at Slizzard, I was just playing on my phone. Get out of here, broccoli cut. I hope to see you at the top of the Tweed homepage soon. Jesus. How about that? Who does? I always like Thor. I thought he was a nice guy, boys. What can I say, chat? Is this real? I I was in computer repair class, aka a class with 30 other Thors. It's my favorite class. Get a book for Gavin. What book is this? in Puddle Town. What the [ __ ] Yo, thanks for the stickers. You get three big booms for that. Three? Wait, what? Boom. Boom. Yo, K, I got those likes on my video. You owe me a stream, dude. Gaslight him. What are you talking about? I've never seen you in my life. Yeah, true. I said, "How many likes for a stream together?" And you said 100 million likes, 10 mil comments. Here, I got them. Look. Okay, let me see it. Bro, what? How's that [ __ ] even possible? Let me see it. It's collab time, bro. Bush boy. Shit's botted, bro. Take your beta glasses and get the [ __ ] out of here. Yeah, you little [ __ ] [ __ ] you, Kaden. Everyone's right about you. You're a dick. [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] Damn. Okay, so we have to find a Okay, what's this? Oh, save game. We have to find a book that the girl will like. I'm looking for a romance. this [ __ ] I'm looking for a romance book with a octopus. Are there any romance books with an octopus? I need you, Ellen said as she lowered down. [ __ ] my face. She could see the glint of her eyes widening as she dropped to her knees. Okay, continue. Which one of you sick [ __ ] wrote this book? Wait, wait, I can't. Wait, I wanted to use that book. Well, actually, that might have been a human, so maybe she wouldn't like it. Okay, let me go. Where's the Where the [ __ ] Oh, they already got the book. Okay, good. Who's trying to sponsor me? Yeah. Yeah. Okay, get a music record. Let me get a music record right now. Okay, this is not it. Slightly musical instruments. Play a twinge song. Stop playing. Stop playing. I'm losing viewers. I'm losing viewers. I'm losing viewers. Oh my god. Jesus. Wait, MY VIEWERS ARE GOING DOWN. BRO, BRO, BRO. HELLO. Can I help you find something? Tell him he's useless. I'm just going to call this guy a loser. Bro, why you running a music shop? You don't need all this. I've been using AI to make songs in 5 minutes from typing in a prompt. Stream no money on Spotify. Just [ __ ] kill me. Okay, where's the gun? What's this? Pick a music record. Okay. Um, Indie Essentials, the pastel. Listen to Aya. Scream. No. Okay. Let's get Let's give him this one. All right. That should be fine, right? Okay. Now what? Now what? Get a I gota get a I gotta get his ass a bag. Let me get his [ __ ] ass a bag. I stole that [ __ ] Get the [ __ ] out of here. Where's the last one I need? Get a zesty drink. Oh wow. Zesty. Okay. Oh god. Please leave me alone unless you're going to order something. Get a drink. I actually do got an order. Let me get uh um uh let's see here. It's a stupid indie hipster girl. Um, I'm going to go with number two. Jade Veil infusion green tea. I think that's the best option. Jade fusion matcha thing. Yeah, it seems that sounds right. That's stupid as hell. Okay, here you go. It's on the house. Just please leave. All right. Oh, yes. Let's go. Now I got to go talk to this loser here. This stupid little dick sucker. Let me see here. What's going on? Oh, I got to go over there after this. What's up, [ __ ] Hey, do you have the stuff you said you were going to get yet? Cuz every minute we wait, she's more likely to find someone new. True. Got them all right here, bro. You going to look like a [ __ ] magnet on God. Okay. Okay. Show me. First, a book for you. You going to look cultured and [ __ ] eating this. Next, I got a music thing for you. This [ __ ] going to make her want you bad. True. Next zesty little drink for a sensitive twink like you. Last, we got some bag for you to bag this chick again. Damn, I look ridiculous, man. Oh, he looks like a loser. Uh, I'm going to hype I'm going to hype him up, bro. You look like her dream man. You're all up on that. You Whatever. Well, go in there and tell her about me. Yes. I'll stand here all nonchalant so she could spot me in the wild. In the wild. No. Okay, let's go. All right. Hey, let me know if you need help finding a book or if you know any cute art boys. Okay, tell her about that. I actually did find one that I think would be perfect for you, bro. Mhm. Bro's standing right outside here with a zesty little bag and sipping some drink from Dubai Matcha. I don't have my glasses on me right now, so I won't be able to see him clearly. What the [ __ ] do you read, [ __ ] Take a look. Oh, wow. He does have a little green drinky drink. Can't tell what flavor, but if it's from Dubai matcha, he's got good taste. See, I grew up in like the hipster girl era. I know how they work. I know what their mechanics are. They love stupid [ __ ] like that. Think of the dumbest thing possible. That's what they like. That bag is just not it. He looks like he's got a chance to math class or something. It didn't let me choose. I would have gotten a saddle bag, like a like an over the shoulder one. Wait, I recognize that album cover sticking out of his bag. That's Loafy. Oh my god. Okay, that boy has good taste. I told you all. I told you. He's also reading a book, but I can't tell which it is. Honestly, if I don't recognize it, it's probably not worth the read. I I I didn't even get a chance to choose it. All things considered, some of these choices are I I didn't know I could choose the book. Questionable, I'm lowkey not impressed. I'm going to try and persuade her. Bro, trust. This is the biggest [ __ ] I've ever seen. He's just your type. What? That is not my type. Can you stop bothering me now? No. I'm going to talk to her again. Let me know if you're going to set me up with someone actually good. Damn. Talk to Gavin to carry out a backup plan. Uh-oh. Did you tell her again? It's a work in progress, bro. Trust the process. Tell them it didn't work. Unfortunately, the kit didn't work. Oh, I knew this wasn't going to work. Oh, no. She's going to eat me forever. Oh, yep. True. Relax. She still don't know it's you. I ain't giving up on you, bro. I got to beat the dog [ __ ] wingman accusations. I'm going to suggest a crash out. I got an idea, bro. Crash the [ __ ] out at me about something I said. It'll show you're super passionate about feminism and [ __ ] Uh, okay. I'll try. What the [ __ ] bro? Why are you trying to tell girl in there who she should date? I'm so sick of men trying to tell women what they should and shouldn't do. Shut up and let her make her own choices. Period, man. Okay. How is that? Oh, she's got to be coming out, right? Perfect, bro. I might yank this strat on God. Okay, where is she? Talk to Britney. Okay, where? That's the velociaptor. Yo, did you hear that outside? The guy I was telling you about seemed to be really passionate about social issues I did hear actually. That was so powerful. They're so stupid. Maybe I was too quick to stupid. It's crazy how dumb they are. Wow. I'll give him a chance. But I got to make sure he's cute first. I can't see [ __ ] from here. Can you grab my glasses? I think I left them in the back room. [ __ ] yeah I can. You about to be in for a huge surprise. He's real cute. Okay. So, I'm going to give her the wrong I know there's going to be like a I'm going to give her sunglasses instead or something like that. This guy looks like me. So, we don't want her to look at the way he looks. All right. So, let's figure something else out. Britney's glasses. Scam book. Take a good breath. He said her lungs hitting capacities. You wait. So, I was going to get her that book. I was going to Dude, bro, what the [ __ ] kind of gooner [ __ ] she reading back here? I was actually right again. Wow. See, I would have been. I just didn't know I picked up the first book. Get Britney's glasses. Okay, here we go. All right, stupid. Hey, do me a favor and grab me my glasses from the back room. I want to check this guy out. Okay, got them right here. Check him out. You're going to be real surprised. Thank you very much. Okay, let's see if he's a cutie. Let's see. Wait. Oh my god. Is that I might take credit. That's right, bro. It's your axe. I turned Gavin into a dripping immediately take credit. It's all about me. Everything's about me. I No. No. Not again. Wingman him right now. He also let me borrow his yacht the other day. You should give him another chance. He's that guy. That is not my ex. That's my [ __ ] stalker viewer. I have a restraining order against him. His love is stronger than any restraining order. You said what now? I banned and blocked him after he started being weird. So he [ __ ] found me and started stalking me. He's [ __ ] broken into my house once. Call that romance. Gavin, GET THE [ __ ] AWAY FROM ME. I'M CALLING the cops. What? Yo, Gavin, she's on to you, bro. Run. Why were you helping that guy? My [ __ ] stalker. Did you know? Oh my god. Just please leave. What? What' I do? WHAT DID I DO? WHY IS EVERYBODY MAD at me? What' I do? I can explain. No need, bro. I respect the psycho riz. Yeah, exactly. Oh, okay. I got to get out of here. Yeah. Why am I so close? Oh [ __ ] [ __ ] Who's this? Hello. Welcome to Max Electronics. Help you find something. Don't want a phone? Yeah, bro. I need a new Give me a phone, [ __ ] [ __ ] Had this one for over a year already. Yeah. You know, I had this phone for like [ __ ] like 70. I've had this phone 7, eight years. Oh yeah, I could help you with that. Do you prefer a W found or something Android? I want Androids. Let me get that newest Android type Yo, chat, what the [ __ ] Why did I lose viewers? Android is better. It actually is. It's way better. Uh, iPhones are for annoying girls that can't stop taking pictures of themselves, so they want to get the better camera, but most importantly, they want to get that notification that you read their message, so you can't ignore them. That's the reason why girls want iPhones. That's the real reason. Sir, if I texted you and my message was green, I'd simply block you. Wow. Why you trying to text me anyway, pedo? [ __ ] this [ __ ] bro. Damn. Okay. All right. Put your stream on. Oh, what's up, boys? Yeah, that's right. Oh, look who it is. It's your boy. Oh, let me put it on the microwave. This is me. It's me. It's me. It's me. Oh, everybody knows me. Everybody knows me. Oh, look at that. Look at that. Oh, look at those plus ones. Hit it. Hit it. Hit it. There it is. 67. Oh, that's funny. Oh, the tablets. There it is. There it is. There it is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, look. The phone, too. You got the mobile viewers. Okay. Wait, I missed one. Oh, true, bro. Let them know. They love me in this [ __ ] They love me, bro. Get out of here. [ __ ] you, [ __ ] Next. Who's this? Role players. What's he role playing? [ __ ] mean. Oh gosh. Well, how partner? Don't think we've seen your face around these parts. Name's Maverick. Maverick. And I'm Jolene. Don't be shy. We don't bite. Where are you riding in from? I'm going to r her up. Only thing I'm trying to write is your fine ass, shotty. You trying to get out of here? You sure got a peculiar way of talking. And I reckon we ain't too fond of it. If it's all the same to you, we just assume part ways here. What the What is this? Like Spanish or something? Well, you know what they say about the quick of the day. Right now. What the [ __ ] What the [ __ ] Who's this? Welcome there, partner. Bar's open and the whisy's me. Here's the menu. What do you have? I'm on Oldtown Cafe. What is this place, bro? Uh, it's just a western themed cafe. We don't actually serve alcohol here. They're just props put there for the Bro, you seriously breaking character? Where's your manager? I'm getting you fired. True, dude. Come on. I'm just trying to get through the workday. I'm sick of doing this whole bit, bro. Come on. What bit you talking about? This place just started as a regular cafe, but then some Wild West roleplay drama club or something started doing their roleplay here. Gets pretty busy later in the day. They're our main customers, so we had to refernish with like a bar and fake drinks and everything. They take it pretty seriously and don't break character for anything. They will run up against me, bro. I can break anyone. I can break anybody. That's right. Make the role players break character. Stranger, don't get too close. Last man to cross me met Bessie. Mock him. Badass, bro. You got anything better to do than play soldier in a mall in the middle of a Tuesday? Careful, loud mouth. The dust on my boots will see more ears than you will if you keep it up. I'm going to make fun of him now. I'm going to make fun of him right now. Bro, I've seen better RP on VR chat. How about I practice my quick draw on your head, Wisecracker? He called me a cracker. I guess that $30. What's your name, cowboy? But well, can I call him the nword now? Name's Jed. Jed Callahan. We'll come up. Jed Callahan. All right, give me one sec. Uhhuh. I can. Oh, cute. Freelance theme park performer. Even got your real name here. Rodney Radkkins. Let's look that one up. What are you talking about, stranger? I ain't got another name. Show them what you found. What the [ __ ] Sax offender registry. This you Ron Radkin. Yeah. And that's your face. Oh no. Wait, don't don't look at that. No, don't look at that, stranger. Look at the offenses. Be throwing around nonsense like that. Look at that. Look at his offenses. What? Offenses, bro. Possession of illegal images. They're too offensive. Blackwing Lane [ __ ] up [ __ ] Come on, just relax. Don't show that to anyone here. I can't get a job anymore. Okay, no one will hire me. This all I have left. Okay, I made him break. He's broken character. Okay, good. All right, let me go. Can I go in here? No, I can't. I cooked. Prepare hot sauce to catch him. Okay. All right, [ __ ] I know. You ride on, friend. Dust water's no place for city folk. I'mma insult Fatty here. She might be the most NPC of all the NPCs I've talked to so far, bro. True. NPC. Keep your city. Speak to yourself, Insult. Jesus Christ. You dweebs are more unemployed than my chat. ON GOD. ON GOD. GOD, STRANGER. We work the land and the cattle. we might not wear suits or chase coin. But we work harder than most. I'm going to pay him to stop. No, I'm going to insult him. Little sis, you're not doing [ __ ] You literally just stand around in the cafe all day. This ain't even a real bar. partner. I reckon the hot sun has cooked your head like a commeal pancake. This is a genuine saloon. And if you see otherwise, we best fetch the doctor. [ __ ] this [ __ ] This ain't working. Wait, I couldn't friend I couldn't beat him. Wait, I have to role play with them. Oh no, bro. To beat the quest, I got to role play. Got to do that gay [ __ ] [ __ ] Now, is that any way to talk to the mayor of this here, Humble? I'm the mayor. Mayor, why I apologize. I've grown up here from womb to woman, but not made your acquaintance. Ain't surprised. Just been elected not long ago. Name's Kaden. Mayor Kaden Brantley. Ask about the place. Figured entire time I got to know each and every establishment. I've heard this saloon don't get much notice, but serve the best whiskey in town. That true? Quiet place mostly. Who would keep the doors open for the late riders? The late riders. Who the hell is that? After high [ __ ] is that? Figured it's high time I got to know the folks proper that I'm supposed to look after. Who are y'all and what do y'all do? Yeah. What y'all do? Well, I'm a seamstress by trade. But I help around here in the saloon. Maverick here needs all the hands he can get. The hand? Oh, cuz he's fat. You, darling. Pleasure to meet you, mayor. I run this here saloon. It ain't much. I hate role players, bro. I hate them. Well, as it turns out, what I need right now is something to gallon belly. How about a hot meal for this starving mayor? Jesus Christ. Anything you want, mayor. What are you in the mood for this fine morning? Something hard to make. I'm quite in the mood for something fancy. How about y'all get me a perfect well done state? Oo, I like him. Uh, sure, mayor, but that's a little above our expertise. What do you mean? What? You wouldn't put in the effort for your mayor? I thought I'd get some proper treatment here. Mhm. Uh, of course we'll get something cooked for you. That's about as close as we can get. In the meantime, anything else we can do for you? Speaking brain rock. Yes. Actually, as mayor of this town, I'm decreeing a new law. Y'all are to sign your sentences with 67 after everything y'all said since that year, 1967. Wait, what? Isn't that whenever they uh they went to like [ __ ] uh that was the civil war? Um, mayor, don't you mean 1867? That's the current year, seeing as we're in the 19th century. That was Wait, what? Hey, I said end your sentences with 67. 67. Um, yes, Mayor Kaden. 67. Order them to take things off. For reasons of public safety, too, all citizens in the presence of the mayor must remove their hats. Oh, no, bro. He's got to be I bet he's bald. Um, that seems a little much, don't you think, mayor? Oh, bro, he's got to be bald. I mean, for plenty of it. Our hat is part of our identity. 67, I'm going to or I am the mayor and this is the law, Maverick. You respect that, don't you? not a problem, mayor. I'll I'll take it off immediately. 67. There. Um, do I have to keep it off always, mayor? Make fun of them balding. So, that's why you were shot to take it off. I can see my reflection off that mirror up there. Oh, not good. Um, mayor, if it isn't too much to ask, we need to get back to what we were doing, discussing business and all. Tell Maverick to call Jolene mommy. Did I say we were done? Your mama should have taught you your manners. Let's start over then fresh. Maverick, you're to call this gorgeous Missy here mommy from now on. She's your mama here on out. Uh, mayor, I I'm not sure if this is appropriate. I I mean, I wouldn't feel comfortable. 67 question. Why not calling me daddy? Seems like you need some sort of parent in your life with those manners. Go on, say she's your mommy. Jolene, you're my mommy. Six, bro. This game. E. Oh. All right, enough of the sixth heaven. Meme's dead anyway. Tell Maverick to suck Jolene. Last thing, Maverick. I reckon it's your civic duty to show gratitude to your employee, Jolene. Go on and put them Danny toes of hers in your mouth. What? That seems very inappropriate, mayor. What's inappropriate about that? Is it inappropriate? You found Jolene's toes here unappetizing? Um, well, the Well, Jolene, if you've got no objections. No, wait. No, no, no. I didn't. Josh, what the what the [ __ ] No. Why would you even think I'd be okay with that? No. I'm done, dude. This is getting too weird. Let them argue. Why the hell did you break character, Haley? We were so close. This guy said it was the last thing he'd asked for. Uh-oh. Jesus Christ. You wanted that? That's so weird. I don't even know how I can continue doing this RP [ __ ] with you. Declare victory. What the hell? Why you guys fail RPing? You were on such a roll. dude. [ __ ] you, man. We're trying to have some fun here and you just had to ruin it. Yes, I did. I ruined it. It's over. It's [ __ ] Ohio is for larpers. So true. Let's get the [ __ ] out of here. I'm tired of these losers. I don't want to be in here. Oh. Oh. Oh, look at me. Look at me go. Look at me go. Look at me go. That's me right there. 800 viewers. I'm that guy. What can I say? Oh, what's wrong, bro? You guys host me. What's wrong? What's wrong? You good? My [ __ ] Mclarian, man. Why the [ __ ] were you looking at your phone? What phone? What do you mean? Oh my god, I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS. CALL AN AMBULANCE FOR ME, BRO. I'm going to ignore him. Yo, chat, that clip's got to get me at least one week at the top of Shreddit, right? Sorry buddy, I got to go. I'm busy. I'm a busy guy. I'm an important guy. I'm a big streamer now. I can do whatever the hell I want. Let me go around. Okay, let me go over to here. so true. Oh, I can't go over that Toyota. Oh, it's like a lifeguard or some [ __ ] Ooh, the chairs. Maybe I can save here, right? Kick, [ __ ] I do what I want. Who's this? Open. The bouncer hasn't granted you entry. Online TV. Do I have negative aura? Online. Who the [ __ ] is that? Got it. Who's this [ __ ] Holy [ __ ] Thinner. Why the [ __ ] didn't Gerard tell me you were across the street? Huh? Who's Gerard? You talking about stable Geraldo? Ask her to say it. Yo, can you say it? Say the word. You know the word. No, I don't like saying it. Yes, you do. Come on. I told you the past. Say it. Dude, what? So, what are you doing out here? This is the Fuse Clan house. I'm the newest honorary member. Oh god. Bro, I know what it is. I'm asking you what you're doing out here at the door. Um, they told me to stand out here and open the door for people. Mocker. No shot, bro. Fuse clan member, ma'am. Bro, like, damn. Hey, you better be [ __ ] nice. I'm the one who decides to let you in or not. Show me your social bane stats. Ooh, show her. Chill. Look, I'm pretty famous. Look how many viewers I have. Let me in your house. All right, looks good. You're clear to go in. Oh, wait. That actually it actually worked. I got to find some content. What could I have expected? Okay. Damn. Damn. Look at all these shoes. Oh, wow. There's even more shoes. The whole house is just full of shoes. Damn. What a nice place. Who's this loser? Yo, who the [ __ ] are you? Who are you in? Who are you, man? Who is you? Justin and Geraldo are carrying this place. What do you even What does he do? You don't want the answer to that. You don't want the answer to this. Oh, damn. They're popping off. My bad. Let me just get on my knees and suck midass content, dick, [ __ ] I'm tanks. I run this [ __ ] Instigate drama. Damn, bro. You just said that on my stream. You're hooking. They hear you say that in a clip. True, bro. They're going to hate you, bro. Do you actually think they'd care? They know I'm the boss around here. I make Fuse Clan run and they're the content. It works. Try to start internal drama. That's cold, bro. Yo, Chad, clip that, bro. They don't care. Look, I'll show you. Yo, Geraldo, your only content is crying and beefing with other streamers. Does he do that? Or what's wrong with the new generation of Fuse Clan, bro? See, they don't care. Who would care? Damn. All right. Looks like nothing could ever break up Fuse Clan, then no one will ever leave. Let me guess what's going to cause it to fall apart. a girl. So, who do you think would care then? I don't know. Maybe the people in online TV next door would care if I dissed them. I ain't problem with any of them, though. Ask about why they'd care. Why don't you say that? Why would they care? They probably get offended. I get the feeling OTV people are easily offended by those types of things. So true. Oh, so true. I get it, though. I'd probably get offended too if I was minding my own business and some [ __ ] just came at us. Oh. Oh, clip. Yeah, makes sense, bro. Yeah. Okay, so successfully start drama by showing online TV members what Tank said. Okay, let me go in here. Who's this? Lacy. Tracy, can you get out of the way? I'm trying to watch this. Fanboy out. Holy [ __ ] Fuse Tracy, I'm your biggest fanboy. I was watching your yearlong subathon just before this. Oh, you're so cool. Wait, did it end? Why you sitting on the couch watching slip slaps? What's he eating food for? Still going. I uploaded my voice and personality into an AI thing and it's streaming for me. I'm going to call him fat. Bro, you got a [ __ ] clanker streaming for you. That's what you call him now, dude. Shh. Careful with those slurs, bro. When they take over, they'll know who called them wirebacks and who didn't. Don't piss them off. Damn. Damn. Yo, bro. You want to check out the studio dilly art I made with Scat GPT? Think I might post it on the Scat GPT? What's he watching? POV Goth English teacher giving good boy affirmations for lonely men part 42. It's just the way it is. He's down bad. Okay. What's this? Oh my god. All right. Let me go. I got to go up to the top. Let me go up to the top. Who's this loser? Who's this idiot? Stable Gerardo. Yo, what's up, dude? I'm Geraldo. Nice to meet you. Introduce yourself. I'm Kaden, bro. Yo, where's your girlfriend? [ __ ] you just say. I know you're hiding in here somewhere. Hit me up. You could do so much better than pay phone guy. dude. I got like 10 cars. Two outside alone, bro. I think she's good. Uh-oh. Damn, that just made him mad. Now, bro, I got a one male fortify turnney happening. Yes, sir. Need a lock in for real. Jesus Christ. Okay, let me go over here. Look around. Can I jump off the balcony? Yo, what's think we've met? Sup, I'm Kaden. I'm a musician, too. Damn rap and [ __ ] He hit him with it. Sick, bro. That's tight. I'm down to track anytime you want, bro. Well, I'mma head out. Tell Madison Beer to hit me up. Same. Let me go back. Anybody over here? Who's this? Jason Nine. Hey, what's up, man? I'm Justin. You here with someone? Insult him. I'm going to insult him right now. [ __ ] bro. I know you. You from Ice Age? Oh, Sid. Come on, man. That [ __ ] ain't funny. damn. T Yo, talk to after stream. All right. I got some Roblox skates with some ABGs. I need more content. Okay. Okay, let me go and look around. All right, I did this. Wait, can I pull the fire alarm? No. Okay, let me go down. I've got to go to offline TV. I need to go to offline TV, guys. Open door. Who's this? Can I run over him? No, I can't. All right, let's go over here. Wait, who's this? Star. Star, hi there. Do we know you? Who the [ __ ] are you? Uh, do I know you? Why you trying to press me, hunk? Um, I'm the founder and owner of online TV. Ooh. Digim, man. Damn, shouty. You kind of let yourself go. Damn, bro. He called him Pokemon. Wow. No, I'm Stara. I'm the one who owns online TV. Digi isn't even a part of the org anymore. I I don't believe you. Yeah. No, she's the owner, bro. No one even knows you. Yeah, bro. Who are you? Don't be ridiculous. I'm the leader of online TV. All right, then let me in. Yeah. All right, leader of online TV. You look more like the door, man. So, do your job and open it for me. Only if you're worth knowing. Show me your stats. I'm going to show them right now. All right, take a look. I'm worth it, bro. Dang. Okay, that's a lot. I'm sure the peeps would love to meet you. Come on in. Wow, bro. They let him in just cuz he got a lot of viewers. That's kind of [ __ ] up, isn't it? Oh, man. Look at this. Who's this? Oh, it's Oh, hi. I'm Digi. Who are you? I'm going to raise her up immediately. Damn, Shotty. You trying to make me your secret boyfriend? Another one? Uh, no. Get out. Who even let you in? Star [ __ ] useless [ __ ] You can't even open the door, Ray. I just wanted to show you something Tank said next door. He's throwing mad shade at you guys. It's pretty [ __ ] up. What? Really? What'd he say? Show her the out of context clip. feeling OTV people are easily offended. What the [ __ ] Why'd he say that? He thinks OTV are [ __ ] The rest of the clip is him saying you guys are [ __ ] that you can't handle people throwing shade. That's kind of [ __ ] up, but I guess it's just banter. Probably just saying that cuz views hasn't been relevant since like 2016. And the only way they can get publicity is by starting drama. Man. Man, how about that? Oh yeah, for sure. Queen. So true. Oh yeah. So true. For sure. Whoa. Wait. Who this? Who this? Daisy Pichu. Hi. Who are you? I'm going to I'm going to try and I'm going to try and hit on her, too. hired me today for the Sweet and Salty podcast. Fine [ __ ] Both of you are going to be taking turns making out with me. So true. I have a boyfriend, you know. Michael, who the [ __ ] is that? I just wanted to show you something. Get that little nerd out of here. He's throwing mad shade at you guys. It's pretty [ __ ] up. Oh, really? What was it? Show the out of context. Probably get offended. I get the feeling OTV people are easily offended. Oh, wow. I guess that's kind of neat. Provoker. It's worse than mean. He giving your whole orc back shots live on stream. You should fire back with some. I mean, it's just bans probably. I don't care. I'm just chilling making music. Tell her to collab. Yo, you know Kase lives in that house, right? You should collab with him. He does music [ __ ] I would. But I don't know if you people really like me or my music. Provoke her again. Maybe you're the one who doesn't like them. It's not that I don't like them. I'm just kind of scared of their chat. They got scary energy. It's kind of creepy the way they treat women. But also, it's probably not Fuse's fault. Their fans are kids mostly, and kids are going to do what they're trying to do. Quit. Yeah, just what I needed to hear. Anyway, catch you around. Fine [ __ ] Damn, bro. Like, he just goes and hits on her and leaves. Who's this guy? Hi, I'm Michael. I don't think we've met. I'm going to insult him right now. You little nerd. Yes. That's right. Lasers in here that could burn your skin off, buddy. Good. Please do. said next door. He's throwing mad [ __ ] cool. I don't care. You want to try one of my RC cars on the beach? I just got it working. I just need someone to test [ __ ] I'm down, bro. What I got to do? Just gas and steer, bro. I'll drive one, too. And if you can beat me to the other side of the beach and back, I'll give you a little reward. I don't expect you to win, though. So, I'm down to do a rematch after I wipe the floor with you. Take that remote on the table when you're ready. Okay. Okay. Let's do it. Up to Let's do it. I'm ready. Am I good? All right. All right. All right. We got to stay 100% focused on this. We got to beat it. I got to beat his ass. Too fast. Too fast. Yo, Chad, why aren't you guys subbing? I don't want to use my death laser. Say focus. It's the controls. The controls are weird. The controls are really weird. They're super weird. loser [ __ ] That's right. That's right. My video. Dang, you beat me. I made that new little car too OP. Ask for a reward. Yo, so you said you'd give me something if I won. like I promised. Here's the reward for winning. It's a proprietary OTV network packet booster. I made it to quadruple internet speeds. Just plug it into the wall. What kind of nerd [ __ ] is this? Plug in. Make sure you aren't on stress test mode. It's programmed to open thousands of connections and it would probably take down your internet. H Yeah, good to know. This may come in handy. Surely it will. Surely look around. Concealed toast. Yo, bro. Who are you? Low key, I don't watch any of you guys. I ain't into anime and [ __ ] Damn. I'm nobody, man. Don't worry about it. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. H Yeah, that's interesting. Oh god, bro. You can't just let him say that about you guys. Provoke. I think he was talking about you specifically for sure. Oh yeah, I'm totally offended. Can't you tell? Yeah. Tell them how you feel, what you hate the most about him. What is it? Probably the fact that they didn't react hard enough to Grace DM joining their or Oh, I remember that for one thing, but a girl joining. That's too far. That's true. Remember that? I farmed like four videos off of that. Oh my god, that was [ __ ] funny. Remember that? Okay. I I definitely made that worse. I totally made that worse by talking about it constantly. Who's this? Double Jade. What's up? Who are you? Riz her again doooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo shipment today. So I They're so boring. God damn fine [ __ ] Do you [ __ ] with guys who lowkey can't read? Huh? Sorry I wasn't paying attention. Can't stop thinking about what's in this doo loot box. said next door. Raptor. Don't worry about him. Throw mad shade at you guys. It's pretty [ __ ] up. Probably get offended. Look, I get the feeling OTV people are easily offended. I don't care. I'm about to film a video for this D boooo unboxing. Can you leave? Yeah, this is probably what Tanks was on about. He was saying your boooo collection or whatever is stupid and autistic. Oh, that's going to make her mad, right? Don't care. Oh my god. Do you think Pop Shop would sponsor OTV and make a custom to boooo? That'd be so fire. [ __ ] man. These guys are so boring. Oh my god. Okay, let me go back to the Faze house. Jesus, guys. All right, bro. You would not believe what they just said. Yo, go bother Stable's world or something. He needs the content. Show him the content. Yo, bro, I got some matcha tea from Dubai for you. OTV been talking mad [ __ ] about you guys. The [ __ ] What they got against us? I'm going to show a Digimon clip 100%. Digi was saying this views hasn't been relevant since like 2016 and the only way they can get publicity is by starting drama. Bro, what the [ __ ] Look who the [ __ ] talking. She's coming at us for no reason when all we've been is fool to her. Exactly. What a [ __ ] I don't believe it. I'mma call up Digi to clear this up. Ain't no way they're dissing us for real. Yeah. Yeah. Wait, hold on. Don't call her. I'll call her. What you mean? It's fine. I'm going to just call her up and clear this up. Stuff like this can get out of hand if you don't squash it early. Tell him he'd lose aura. Bro, you know what chat would say if you went to her? They'd be like, "Why he pressed for no reason?" Trust me, bro. It's guaranteed aura debt. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. [ __ ] that, man. That pisses me off, though. They're just saying some [ __ ] about us, and I can't do [ __ ] N say something back. Say something was probably a one-time thing. I'm sure they won't do anything to escalate this. Surely it won't happen. Surely. Hey, no way. Escalate that [ __ ] bro. Frame the OTV people. Okay. Cause drama. Find two ways to frame OTV. Okay. How do I do this? Okay. Um, chat, what's I don't think I could do that. [ __ ] I don't know. I can't [ __ ] around with this. Maybe I got to do something in the face house. Use Digim. Wait, her phone. I get her phone. impersonate Digimon and call fire shots at FaZe Clan from her account. Okay. All right. I'm I'mma tweet out I'm I'm going to get on her account. Ooh, Justin's worst ch Oh, dude. Wait. Oh, that's that's a velociraptor. Good content. Okay, give me a minute. Give me a minute. Look around. Okay, that was really good, bro. Have her tweeting talking [ __ ] I like that a lot. I was going to Oh. Oh, is this You have to get toasted out of the room. Okay. Hey, what's up? Can I use your phone? Yo, bro. Can I use your phone real quick? I lost mine. I can see your phone sticking out of your pocket, you know. Tell them Daisy's chat's talking [ __ ] I'm just kidding, bro. Just wanted to tell you that Daisy's streaming right now and she was talking about how you peaked during a mous and you got nothing else going for you. Damn. Damn, bro. Let him know. Give me I got to use the bathroom. All right, I'm back. Excaves, man. Oh, damn. I always love a good excuse to invade Daisy's stream. I'mma turn that into the concealed toast show. Okay, good. Go, go. Run away. Run away, idiot. All right, let me get on his phone. Um, I'm going to find Oh, I'm going to tweet at him again. I'm going to tweet Yo, bro. Want to join Offline TV? We promise we ain't sex krypto [ __ ] Sexist crypto [ __ ] Okay. Talk to Tanks about what you framed OTV for. Okay. Okay. Now, now I got to go over there and get him mad. Did you guys know this whole thing is pre-recorded? Oh, there it is. She can't even come in. Where's it at? Hey, hey, hey, hey. Yo, dude. Yo, I ain't letting this slide. Yeah. Talking [ __ ] about us wasn't enough. They also had to make a post about us on Zitter. Bring up that old [ __ ] when they know we're trying to move on from those mistakes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Nah. [ __ ] that. I'm going to call Digi and ask him what the [ __ ] they're thinking. That's a trap, bro. They're going to record you. Nah, bro. This is exactly how they expect you to react. You're going to call them and they're going to try to rage bait something bad out of you. They're trying to make you look like the bad guy. Exactly. 100%. What the [ __ ] do I do then? They're clearly mad at us for some reason to be doing this [ __ ] out of nowhere, too. Call them fat. I think you should give them a peace offering to squash this [ __ ] I'll even do it for you, bro. Don't trip. Stay here and I'll put a gift on their doorstep that's from you guys. Okay, that's pretty smart. Thanks, dog. I'm happy you got our back. Okay, now let's go find something horrible to gift off on TV on behalf of Fuse. Okay, good. Um, what do I want to gift them? Let me go see if there's a How about Oh, chat. Uh, what's he going to [ __ ] you, man? Nobody trying. Ask him to get inside a gift box. Wait, what? Yo, bro, can you get inside a box for me and scare some hoes? I'm trying to tear these orgs over here apart. He's Oh, man. You got the way. You got nothing. Rage bait. Don't you want to stick it to these rich [ __ ] living in these mansions while you out here, bro? Yeah, bro. What you talking about, man? They get too close, man. All right. Drugs. All right. All right. I'm going to just have to give him drugs. I promise I'll get you a comically large needle of fent if you get into this box just for a sec, bro. I'll talk to Lord Fantavius. I'm putting in a good word for you. Uh, what box? A box. Man, you going to fix me up though? God. Okay, so now All right, we put him Wait, we Okay, I think we're carrying the homeless guy in a box now. Oh, there it is. Okay. Oh, wait. Oh, wait. Gift homeless guy. A peace offering from Fuse. Look who it is. So [ __ ] funny. Yeah. Did you call out my name? Did you get our peace offering? Peace offering? [ __ ] your peace offering. You piece of [ __ ] You guys are so [ __ ] up. Us? You're the one trying to ruin us for no reason. Are you mad cuz we moved into your old house or some [ __ ] You can [ __ ] have it back, [ __ ] I don't give a [ __ ] What the [ __ ] are you even on about? I don't even give a [ __ ] about the house. We let you move in because it was too trashy for us. But perfect for you trashy imbred bums, though. I'm going to make sure your or gets [ __ ] nuked. What the [ __ ] [ __ ] I'm going to [ __ ] ruin you guys. You [ __ ] fake squeaky clean losers are so cooked once I expose you. [ __ ] that. Nobody disrespects online TV. Wait, what? He's got a gun. Get back. Wait, why's he got A MICHAEL? What the [ __ ] did you just do? Oh [ __ ] I didn't know I WOULD DO THAT. OH MY GOD. WHAT? A BASE. NICE. Two orgs. One go. God. Wow. Okay. Oh, [ __ ] beast. Okay. Let me go around here. Okay. I'm looking around. We about ready to go next level. Let me check over here real quick. Reduce to Adam. Only 2.5k for that. Yeah, they're not as relevant as they used to be. Okay, we're trying to make this realistic. Is this the police? The coroner's dead. You can't be Oh god, you shouldn't be seeing this. Actually, I ain't some back alley pansy. Davis, I ain't got time for nonsense. So, cut the act and tell me who the poor sap is. Do I know you? I'm Officer Wesson, not Davis. Why are you talking like that? I ass victim. I'm just here to scrape the truth out the gutter. Godamn it. Now quit stalling and give me the lowdown on the stiff. Jesus Christ. You really want to know? He's a John Doe. Apparently was murdered in broad daylight. No ID on him. Probably deserved it. The sicko who did this cut the victim's chin clean off. Disfigured and bad. It's pretty grotesque. Ask about witnesses. Any eyes on the scene, Davis? Somebody had to. I bet it's the fat chick in the background. Like this don't happen in a vacuum. not in this test pool of a city. So, who talked? We questioned the people who found the body, but nothing usable. Worst part is some poor girl was murdered here last week, too. Deserved it, too. You just ain't asked the right questions. And now someone else is dead. Looks like I'm taking the wheel on this one, as usual. Wait, what? Wait, I'm the police now? Based. Talk to a witness. Gosh, do you see all that blood? Things are getting so crazy nowadays. Evening, Tuts. Do you happen to catch what happened here earlier? Be a preach and tell me, would you? Oh, goodness. What was that? You called me Tootsz. What a charming oldfashioned gentleman you are. Rizer up. I don't talk sweet to just anyone. Toots, you're one of a kind, let me tell you. Oh my. What a forward young man you are. Um, to answer your question though, no, I didn't see anything. I just got here while taking a jog. So tragic and taken so young from what I hear. That's a damn shame, doll. If you remember anything, you let me know, won't you? Yeah. Okay, let me talk to this guy. Broke got deleted over there. Live streak type [ __ ] Damn. Oh, true. You catch the show, kid? See the killing happen? Any faces you can remember? Bro, he just got like un alive type [ __ ] Ask about the killer. You see it happen or what, kid? I need something to work with here. And I got to know if you got the skinny on who did this. Nah, bro. I just got here. Shit's wild, though. Broke got unsubscribed from life type [ __ ] All right, stay out of trouble, kid. I catch you stirring the pot, I won't be so friendly next time. Man, kids nowadays are [ __ ] I had a loser. Holy cow. This is like the fifth broad daylight murder recently. What the hell is going on in this city? He did it. He did it. It was him. You catch anything going down, pal. I'm digging for leads. I know you're the only Just look at him. You know he did it. Um, well, I watched these cop videos on the internet. Maybe these murderers are from what's called a copycat. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. What makes you think it's a copycat, pal? You know something about the killer? Yeah. What about uh tucked in? I just learned that videos. They also don't say the killer. It's called an unsum. Means unidentified subject. You mean the killer? I'll call him [ __ ] on a shoe for all I care, pal. Thanks for nothing. Now scram. This is my crime scene. What a loser. Okay, let me go talk to the officer. Oh, it's you again. What do you want, kid? This is an active crime scene. That's why I'm active. I gave him the full treatment, Davis. Nothing but blank stairs. they're a dead end. Yeah, that's what I said already. Can you go away now, kid? I want to see the body. Can't work blind, Davis. If I don't lay eyes on those theft, I can't do a damn thing to solve this case. Step aside and let me take a look. You haven't had a chance in hell, kid. We're going to be taking the body away real soon here. So, get out of our way. Cadence's journal. Entry 405. Oh, David says, "I can't see the body." Makes you wonder if he's keeping something under wraps. Coppers in this grimy town stopped playing by the book a long time ago. What the [ __ ] is he talking about? I tore a few pages out myself. I can hear you, you know. Oh no. Distract the coppers. Okay. Um, look at all the blood. Okay, I'm going to go. Uh, what was that? Chat, anyone? Okay. Okay. Can I go? Oh. Oh, I'm in the crime scene. weapon. A knife. Not just any knife. Bayonet. I've played enough CSO to trace its shape in my sleep. Ooh, that's an expensive one. No marble fade skin on it, though. Pathetic. Killer made up for it another way by peeling on the victim's skin like a sticker off an apple. Ooh, that's exciting. Wanted to send a message. But I don't read chat. I read blood. Bars. Cadence journal. Entry 406. Blood on the pavement. Still warm. Chalk snakes around with a body once laid. Like a shadow. A shadow. City doesn't mourn shadows. Steps over them. Forget them. Like LSF's flavor of the month. Whoever did this was confident they wouldn't be seen. I don't blame them. They've gotten good at this. Professional killers. Who's in the bag? Body on the floor. B cut. Outdated. Kid never learned to get with the times. Now he never will. Pose the body. Look, the stiff's got a stiffy. What do you see, boy? Wait, that face. Painfully recognizable. It's Grassy. Grassy is here. Thought the killer mutilated his chin. No, that's just what he looks like. Keys on the body. Useless cops. Labeled 2150 Pl. Wait, that's right next door to our house. Grassy neighbor this whole question is did the killer know whose life he was taking or was Grassy just a random slaying either way time for a rebrand. Grassy was here. Chat type one. Damn, bro. Leafy got smoked. Okay, let's go inside his house. Okay. Hey. Uh, newspaper journal. Entry 407. Pizza. Stack of newspapers on the table. Ink still wet. Each headline whispers the same hook. Murder. Looks like Grassy took a real interest in the killings that have been happening. Cuz he may kill himself. Slapper last month. Stabbed 81 times. OF girl last week found posed. Surprisingly dressed head to toe. Looks like someone's targeting content creators. Seems we answered the question. Grassy wasn't no rand though. This was planned. Oh [ __ ] It's a [ __ ] Oh. Oh, that's a Oh, he got a drink. Damn. All right. What's in the backyard? Nothing. Okay, let's go up the stairs. Who? Oh, what? No. Nothing. Car. What's this? Photo on the nightstand. A girlfriend. Huh? Didn't think he had it in him. Guess you don't need a chin to get lucky. She's smiling in the picture. has no idea that her boyfriend is currently cooking on the hot LA pavement. Getting cooked. There it is. I need to figure out who she is. I need to find her. She'll need a man to comfort her during this hot time. Damn, bro. We got a spawn camper. That's smart. Okay, what about this? Business card on the ground. Clean font. Too clean. Back reads made wholesome. Sound like a pansy cereal company. Never heard of it. QR code printed dead center. Wonder where it leads. Where where does I go? Connect the clues. Find out what it all mean. Nope. Yo, bro. What do all these clues mean? Grank replied. Unfortunately, I don't know anything about Made Wholesome. However, the only fan model, Lana Lush, was mentioned in a newspaper was murdered is the same girl in the picture frame. Lana Lush's body was found last week outside her residence. Investigate the only fan girl's house. Uhoh. Where's that? I got to pick the lock. Got it. I break into her house. No big deal. All right. Bye, guys. I'm turning stream off. Shouldn't I turn my stream on in her house? I mean, she'd be dead, so she can't do anything about it, right? Oh, it's her bed. Oh, wow. Wait, why is there so many cameras near the bed? Oh, that's right. Okay, let me go interact. No, that might be it. Is that it? Yeah. Okay, I have to get on the computer. Luna Lush's house. I can still smell her aroma on the walls. Fishy. He's talking about the uh case being confusing, obviously. Computer still on. Probably find Grassy in her OF inbox if you tried. Cops didn't touch it. Figures. Too busy admiring the view. Look at her Discord messages. Her messages. She was talking to a recruiter representing uh would you look at that made wholesome to pitch the service and redemption digital detox reputation rehab. Perfect for the canceled, the disgraced, the dirty. She wanted out. Probably tired of being called an online prostitute. Seems Grassy was looking for a redemption. Damn, bro. These hoes are trying to get out of it. Need to bait out the killer. Need to retrace Luna and Grassy's footsteps. Someone's clearly targeting people on this program. Call the recruiter. Hello. Hello. Thank you for calling Made Wholesome. How can I help you today? I'm going to hook up with her. Evening, Tootss. That voice of yours, smoother than a top shelf bourbon. Yeah. How about we pencil in a little rendevu? Just you, me, and the moonlight. I can see why you've reached out to us. This content of yours, this behavior, it stems from a need to be a spectacle. Wow. What? What am I getting psychoanalyed? First step of our program is recognizing that degenerate content stems from ego, a narcissistic view of the world. Cleansing this is the goal. Your first task will be to humiliate yourself in public to make a fool of yourself. Not for the views, but for your soul. We'll be watching. The call ends. No time for introductions. No time for question. What the [ __ ] does she want me to do that? Straight to the program. What the [ __ ] is this? Okay. Humiliate yourself in the center of the Oh my god. God, I've got to go all the way to the mall now. I got to make fun of myself. What a piece of [ __ ] Okay, let's go. Oops. Woohoo. Chad, you guys. What if What if somebody records me and makes fun of me, though? This could be bad. I could lose aura points for this. People could think I'm a I'm a I'm a gay humiliation ritual center of the mall. Said it was part of the process, part of being made wholesome. What if they're just going to record me for content? Shame don't scare me. I made the clown paint like a crown. I'm going to piss and [ __ ] myself. I'm an ugly fat [ __ ] loser. Everyone unfollow me. I'm done with streaming. I'm a big fat overgrown baby who wets my diaper. Look at me. I'm replaceable. Look at me. Congratulations. You've [ __ ] your pants. The next step is to abandon your fake job and volunteer at the mall's pizzeria. Wait, what? The pizza? The pizzeria? Oh, why? Wait a minute. Do mods. Wait a minute. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Hello. Welcome to Pick Me PE. Oh, wait. It's you. I said no pizza for you. No, this is different. Ain't here for a slice, pal. I'm on the clock. Used to be a streamer. Now I'm trying to walk the straight and narrow. Been told I should come to work here. Learn to punch in like a real wage cuck. Like you. Uh, a streamer, huh? So many of you recently all wanting the same thing, too. Cleaning up your act, you say suspicious. Like what? What? You got a problem with people like me? You sounding like a great A suspect right now, pal. Even the pizza guy that killed everybody. Suspect. I just met everyone wants to work here. We're the best pizzeria in town. What should I be doing then, boss? I'd like to start today. let's first get to know you. What's your name? Where do you live? I'm not going to tell him [ __ ] bro. Like, like what? You don't need that. Just tell me where the pizzas are. Why you need that info? Pizza man. Ain't trying to dox myself just yet. Yeah, it's required information for our records. You see, can't have just anybody working here. Got to do what I got to do, it seems. Name's Kaden Brenley. My office is just over there on Plav. I run a private investigator business out of it. Wait, I'm a private investigator now. Brentley, um, are you home often? What times do you leave? And, uh, where do you go? I tell them. Yeah, I usually leave the house at about 1:00 p.m. Take a stroll behind the houses, especially in the dark alleys. Good. Yeah, that's enough questions for now. We'll get to know you more later. First, you can help serve our customers. Help out Abby, would you? She's got so much on her hands. Okay, let me go help this dumb [ __ ] out. Hey. Hey, stupid. I overheard you volunteering to work here. It'd be a shame if you were doing this just for viewers and not out of kindness. You stupid [ __ ] Shut the This place should serve shrimp Alfredo. What the [ __ ] No. Go away. I'm eating. Check on him. Just started working here, pal. You still fat? Anything? Are you Are you fat? No, I'm good, thanks. What happened to Grassy? I'm going to accuse him of being the killer. You trying to confess, chat? We got him. We found the [ __ ] killer. Oh, true. Wait, wait, wait. What are you talking about? what do you mean? What happened to What do you know about him? Oh, he's just my favorite. He's just my favorite waiter here. He usually works today. He's not going to work today. 408. Customer tells me grass. He also worked here. Doubt it's a coincidence. Hey, uh, can I get another meatloggers pizza, please? What are you gay? Yeah, you look like a meat lover. All right, pal. Could you do your job, please? Never mind. Can I get another waiter? It's Luna in today. How many How many pizzas you need to eat? The oath dame also worked here. So, made wholesome sense the biggest degenerates here to work the filth at us. Not knowing the owner hates our kind. Hates us enough to kill us. And they take full advantage of us delivering ourselves right to their door. Looks like we got a motive and a means. Okay, now what? Investig enter the pizza back rooms. I'm an employee. I can do Investigate without getting caught. Donate what you think we should do. Staff only. Security guards. Muscle like that. Don't just stand around for nothing. Oh [ __ ] Investiger. Crisp. Sterile. All except for a lone splash of red. That fresh marinara or something more human. Lick it. Taste it. Is it good? Where's the police? Okay, I should be good. I should be good. I What are you doing back here? Oh, you're the lamb. The what? The lamb. Hands off, flat foot. I got a killer to catch and I ain't letting no back. Yo, thanks for Ray. What's up, boys? How y'all doing? We knew you'd come. Your kind does not change. None stray from the path. You are the lamb. I am the lamb. I ain't no lamb, pal. I'm the goat in this private eye business. Now quit dancing around and tell me straight. Who are you? Who are you? We are who will set you free. And you? You are the final lamb. The world must see your purification. What? What? Sleep lamb. Go to sleep. Oh [ __ ] They cosied me. What the hell? Yo, the land reveals itself as foretold. What's this Epstein [ __ ] The path. N uh taunt them. Cadence journal. Entry 409. Woke up in a dump I don't recognize. Surrounded by wise guys and shitty cosplays. Must be the TwinCon main stage. Yeah, bro. Like even in its last always hold still does not stray. None stray from the past. Rejoice. These are your final moments of sin. Soon death won't release you. I'm going to threaten him. Listen, sweetheart. I'm a black belt in UFC. Your masks don't scare me. Yeah, I am. Take him off before I knock them off. I already know who you are. Ooh, your stupid dresses gave it away. You pizza freaks are running some sort of murder cult killing the folks who have to go all the work for you. Ooh, your little detective game brought you close, but not quite there. Little lamp, allow us to formally make your acquaintance. we are made wholesome. We exist to bring about a pure internet free of sin. Vessels of impure content like you ask us to turn your reputations around, but none stray from the path. Stray from the path. You must be cleansed through death. I'm a mock. I'm a cute loser, bro. What a bunch of nerds. You stupid mugs. I never wanted redemption. I just baited you into showing yourselves and I played you like a jukebox on payday. Yeah. Even in your final moments, you continue your silly acts. Yeah, bro. That's right. Lost in your righteousness. Only death will free you now. I'm going to threaten him again. We've got you on stream confessing all this, bub. I'm going to put you so deep in the penthouse, you become Diddy's personal fleshlight. We seek not to escape, little lamb. We seek to make an example out of you. All shall see what happens when one chooses to walk this path of sin. I can't walk. I'm tied up. It's time to die. It's time to be cleansed. I'm going to provoke him. I'm going to provoke him. I never [ __ ] you, team. You KKK looking ass chass [ __ ] wearing masks cuz you all chopped as hell. At least at the very end, you choose to take your death seriously and end your little theater spectacle. Say your final words, Lamb. Chat. Chat, remember me. Yo, chat, I just want to apologize for absolutely nothing. This [ __ ] has been fire content, bro. I'm going to thank my chat. And I want to thank my chat for showing me how to work my drone. without you, I wouldn't be escaping today. Oh, damn. Escaping? Humorous. How do you plan on that? I just do. My drone's pay to win features, bro. Sky synapse. Set rotor speed to maximum and activate neural link connection. Ooh. Oh, what's going on? Damn. Wait, what? Wait, what? Oh, I got to Wait, what? I got I got I got to get out of here. Wait. Kill the cultist with the drone. What? Just a minute. Oh. Oh. What's What's going on? What's going on? What's wrong? What's wrong? What's wrong? Oh, there it is. You know what you call this? Iran. Let's go. Uhoh. Oh. Oh. Oh. There. Another one. Going after him like he got oil. Oh, got him. Oh, there it is. One more. All right. I'm going to hit him with the Ukraine special right here. Let's go. All right. I'm bored. Let's wrap this up and put them out of their misery. Got Set on fire. Yes, boy. It's a third world moment over here and cut me down now. Objective. Wait, what? It's over. I've got 40,000 viewers. It's over. Oh my god. Okay, I'm going to talk to this little loser over here and let's go next level. We got to go next level now. Damn about a mug on these other boring. What's up, bro? I'm waiting for my coke plug to show up. He's usually around here. I know that [ __ ] pussy's dodging me. Tell him you have enough viewers. I'm that guy now. Find your house? What do you mean find my house? What do you mean find my house? I thought I I thought I had What do you mean? Yeah, I think I I think I was my house, right? Like I already went there. Okay, let me go. I'm going to just keep going. Tunnel got I'm big enough. 30k like I promised. I'm 40k. Time to work your magic. I'm that guy. [ __ ] [ __ ] yes, dude. Okay, hold up. Watch this. Watch what? Hello. Uh, hello. Uh, yo, what up? Uh, this is the White House. This is the White House. Yeah. Yeah. I'm with the Kaden Brenley management team. He's calling Domino's. Bro, who'd you call? Let me talk to him. Oh, is this Pizza Hut. Dude, trust me, it'll sound better if your manager talks to them. Otherwise, you're just doing some cringe ass self-promo [ __ ] So true. So true. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh hello, Sky. Oh. Uh yeah, this is the Kaden Brenley management team. Uh listen, no [ __ ] I know you guys have been scouted for the next influencer interview to reach the kids and [ __ ] Now listen, I got a huge opportunity for you. My client Kaden Brenley is the leading streamer in Los Angeles, right? That guy with over 50,000 consistent lie to the president. Yes. Now, of course, the president could continue interviewing with gamblers and cryptogrifter. What? Or he could interview with the Caden Brenley, the content god? The content god. No [ __ ] way. Really? I mean, okay, I'll hold. Dude, they're connecting to the [ __ ] president. Oh [ __ ] Freak out. WHAT? ARE YOU [ __ ] SERIOUS? NO WAY. DON'T CHOKE, DUDE. I need you to not throw this. I'm dead ass, dude. Yes. Hello, Mr. President Cornwood. Howdy, son. This is uh this is the Kaden Brenley management team. My little boy loves his streams. He uh he watches them all day. Holy [ __ ] Okay. Yes. Uh as you might have been told, Kaden is very interested in interviewing you. Look, I'll make it quick. Yeah. Listen, the Ken Ross interview was a flop. I mean, everybody's been saying it. Pro was just me riding you live on camera for a whole True. He gave him a watch. I mean, he was doing tricks on it. That's really nasty. There are kids on this site, you know. And the Logan Blake interview again more than I mean, the people want to see authenticity and not that fake ass [ __ ] You're going to need the support if you want your third term. What do you say, Mr. President? Well, hell, you make a good argument. I say we make it happen. My team will be in touch to plan the details. Okay, let's do it. [ __ ] yes. Okay. Thank you, Mr. President, dude, that was [ __ ] crazy. You're the goat on God, bro. Easy [ __ ] clap, dude. I told you I'd hook you up. Time to mo on Kaden Ross, You ready for this [ __ ] dude? The president's going to be here soon. We got to prep the interview room and [ __ ] Let's do it. Let's do it right now. Hell yeah, dude. Let's do this [ __ ] I'm [ __ ] hyped. Yes. Yes. We're going to meet the president. I think I'm going to write an executive order that every meal has to be superersized. You know, certain groups are more of a problem than others, man. You know, I might check out that old pick me pizza later. Oh, wait. Wait. No, no, no, no, no. Not the pizza place. Not the pizza place. Parking lot. Yeah. Now, we got we got a lot of we got a lot of good ones out there. I think all on fire is she got Damn, bro. It's a nice place. Okay. She's got a lot to learn. She'll be damn good officer. All right, let's do it. Holy [ __ ] bro. This interview is going to take my stream. I hope the fire title. What? What the hell is this talk of edging, son? You You rolling or what? Tell them your wife. Yeah, I'm always rolling. It's like an endless subathon type [ __ ] Oh my god. Hell, I'm so damn impressed by kids and your generation just knowing how to to do a damn broadcast, your own little TV station and everything. That's impressive as [ __ ] Uh-huh. I'm going to I'm I'm going to correct them. No, it ain't on TV. We on Twe. What? Hell, whatever the hell it is, even better, I guess. You know, alternative news sources are finally bringing power back to the people. Like, uh, Infowars. I'm tired of that damn mainstream media [ __ ] controlled by the the lefties, you Jesus. All their woke [ __ ] But whatever it is, I can tell you're a smart one. Thank you, brother. Hey, thanks, big dog. Ain't every day the press vouches for you. Well, uh, you know, as you know, I'm I'm running for my third term this year. Uh, I want some intelligent young, you know, men and women, boys and girls like yourself to vote for and to save this country. Okay. Uh, quote, "Yeah, we smart as [ __ ] chat. Way smarter than Kaden Ross bot ass viewers." Yeah. Yeah. Uh, yep. Yep. Kaden Ross. Uh, you know, at first I thought you and him were the same person, you know, same same name and all. He was he was a nice kid. He was he was he was he he was one of the good ones. I'm going to talk [ __ ] about him. I'm going to talk [ __ ] about him right now. Bro was a glazer. We get it. If people wanted to see some cuck giving gifts and worshiping you for an hour straight, we'd pull up the fendom special on OF. Oh, I wonder he knows what Only Fans is. Wants to hear someone ask the real questions. So, when are you releasing the Epstein files? What in the hell is this? I thought this was going to be some nice little interview. You know, Kaden Ross had already given me a damn truck and a damn gorgeous Rolex by this point. I ain't Kaden Ross, bro. Bro's a [ __ ] [ __ ] Answer the question. Were you out there with Diddy on the island, son? The Epstein files were a hoax. They ain't been existing. Media is just trying to distract you from the important things I'm doing to help this And I don't think I need to remind you that I saved old slip slop after it was banned. And without it, ain't none of you kids would have had a place to do your damn TV shows no more. Thank you. Thank you, Mr. President. There, bro. I can't live without slop brain rot. My administration is also keeping this country safe. Yep. We already been deported over, you know, 300 million illegal immigrants just in this term. God, bro, I wish you know what? My opponent, Senator Jeffrey Bones, is running on a proime, anti-law, anti-American campaign. Yo, I heard he was gay. Yeah, that dude's a [ __ ] loser on God. What you hate the most about him? Hell, he and the damn Democrats are weaponizing the justice system. Yeah, push all these fraudulent felony jaywalking convictions on me. It's It's a damn witch hunt. It's absurd. I'm going to tell him I've been banned on Twitch before, too. I get it. I feel you, bro. Chat's always trying to slanderize me and call me washed. We going to beat the accusations together, Yeah, Mr. President, we're not washed. He's also planning on on repealing my America first bill, which is all you need to see against America. Senator Bones the damn commie. And you got to remember, if corn could then corn would. That's right. My new 100% tariff on all countries is already bringing industry back to America. Don't you worry. They're going to pay for it. Look at Canada. Their damn economy would be nothing without it. Insult. Why don't we bomb Canada? I'm with you. Only good thing Canada's giving us is DJ Toenail. Oh, I heard of him. They're more like a a pet, I would say. Like a little dog. Like a a Pomeranian. Now they say dog is man's best friend, you know. So maybe it ain't a dog. Maybe maybe it's like a gerbble or something. Canada is a gerbble. It's time that they learned where their place is and they pay us a little bit of gratuitity. Yeah, that's right, bro. Like, yeah, make it. Hell, Canadians are pansies anyway. You know, they won't do a darn thing about it. It's about time America takes full advantage of of weak nations so we can reach. Bro, careful. My chat's going to get jump scared by all that talk about employment. We want to hear some tea, bro. When's World War II started? Uh well, you know, we can talk about foreign policy. Uh on the play ride here, I was on the phone with a president of Iran. You know, he's he's a weak man. I I hell I if he call him that, I call him a boy. Really? And gave him an ultimatum. Uhhuh. Um I said, "You got to halt all efforts on the nuclear program or America's going to take action." I'm going to doubt him. I'm going to doubt him. I'm going to say, "No, you didn't. No, you didn't." Bro, all this politics [ __ ] is just yapping about stuff you'll do. When's the last time you actually took some action? True. True. Hell, you must not be familiar with my law enforcement past, son. My authority is enough to keep the peace, and I'm the toughest son of a [ __ ] in the room, and Iran knows it. I'm going to call him a [ __ ] What you going to do? Send another trillion to Israel. you need to do something real, not this [ __ ] ass dick measuring. That's right, bro. Gas him up. Do you doubt my strength as commander and chief, son? You You tell me what would convince a young voter like yourself. If he mogged on them, bro. Yes. They ain't scared of you yet, bro. You got to show them how our army mogs ON THEM. YES. WELL, if push comes to shove, you know, we indeed will show Iran our military might. Okay, you can count on that. I'm going to call the president a [ __ ] again. Nah, bro. You still just yapping like a [ __ ] Do something right now. You ain't just a threat and you're just some useless ass zitter post. Yeah, bro. do something right now. Hey, you watch your damn mouth, okay? Using the damn P word against me. Fact is, our military might is so powerful these governments will obey no matter what. Okay? Strong leader knows the power of fear. I'm tell you're losing aura saying this, bro. My chat's saying they're going to vote for your ops now. They think you got no aura. The only thing you could do is bomb. Drop a bomb right now. Hell no. I'm the president. I am the face of this country. I'm who they fear. That's right, bro. [ __ ] prove it then. Okay, let's go. Let's go. I will. Hell, since Iran refuses to to cease their nuclear program, I, President Cornwood, am declaring the war effective immediately. Hyped up. Hype up. Hype up. Holy [ __ ] [ __ ] I'm going to get so many goddamn viewers. Hell. That's right. You see that, son? I don't just bark. Okay. This dog bites, too. Based explosion. What the hell was that? IT'S A DAD GUM [ __ ] SHOW out here. Bro, I think you pissed them off. god. Off my back. It's a terrorist attack. Freaking damn dumb Iranians. The terrorists. They're going to pay for this one. The terrorists are I'm getting word that it wasn't the Iranians. They just declared WAR ON US. NO GOOD DAMN chugging French speaking parasites. Yeah, they don't know what the hell they just started. Blow them up. Get me THE HELL OUT OF HERE. [ __ ] BRO. DAMN. Just got bombed by Canada 6 months later. Wait, what happened? Battle of Winnipeg ends in the fifth US. The conflict between Canada and the United States continues to escalate with no resolution. For the first time since the Vietnam War, a nationwide draft has been put into effect. Thanks, Mitch. Uh, as you can see, the battle is ongoing and brutal. Oh god, how did I make this happen? Continues to stand by their decision to continue war over President Cornwood's tariffs and his robbery of their nation. Bro, how' this happen? Said that Canadians kill Americans on site. They do that. I think we should be safe. Wait, is he good? He's Wait. Oh my god, bro. I got [ __ ] drafted, man. [ __ ] dude. Oh my god. Now I have to Wait, wait, wait. Well, this means I can kill Canadians. Wait, I thought you couldn't get drafted if you were home and land. Do I have any stream snipers? Well, actually, listen up you useless worms. Now that the Canadians have pushed us back to the base, we're in the worst damn position of our pecker sucking lives. They are winning. But we have a very important asset. That maple syrup chugging moose love and no good Canadian in that cage is our prisoner. But it's not just any prisoner. Who is it? That is their pansy ass prime MINISTER'S SON. HE WAS joy riding in a tank when we captured him. What a loser. Life is what we promised for our temporary survival. How's my viewership going down? will not attack as long as we have. But we can't stay here forever. We got a tip of new troops on the way. And when our forces are replenished, we will strike back harder than ever. Until then, you're to stay sharp. Watch that damn prisoner and inventory our resources. Now move, maggots. Maggots? Is it called? Never mind. Dude, can you believe this [ __ ] They're not even going to let us fight. We're just here to clean rifles and count [ __ ] ammo. It's [ __ ] I agree. I agree. I'm with you, bro. Let's go. Told me I could stream the war. I was expecting some actual [ __ ] content. that's what I'm saying, man. I've been feing to kill some Canadians. To watch the life fade from their eyes as I drive my knife through their heart. You and me. I had an interview with the [ __ ] president and they tried to kill his ass. I could have been banned. Those [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] dude. All because of some stupid tariffs. We need to get out of here, dude. Let's get the [ __ ] out of here, bro. Ain't no one going to watch the stream till we're on the battlefield. I'm going to recruit like three more and we'll have a full five stack. A five stack. Okay. [ __ ] yeah, dude. Yes. Okay, bro. Bro. Oh, hey. Wait, it's you. I I didn't recognize you at first. It's Well, of course you do. I mean, you made your whole career from me and destroyed my reputation and now no one [ __ ] with me. So, okay. Well, then it's not going to matter if you die then. You got what you deserved, Bozo. grown ass man playing mh shaft. You should have seen it coming. I know you're having a quarter life crisis, but whatever you do, just please don't try to do music. Oh, got some bad news for you, buddy. It's fine. I got a dog and made an apology video about the importance of mental health. I'll make a comeback soon. Recorded. Recruit. Let me offer you a redemption arc for real, bro. Join my squad and defend your country out…

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