So I played the new streamer simulator..

Gentlemen, it is time for us to engage in a game that I have no idea what to expect. Stalling. Okay, let's get started. Normal difficulty. Oh, what's this? Uh-oh. She going to die. Oh. She made it to the top of the mountain, but it's a bigger mountain. This moment is incredible, but I wish my stream could see it. This moment is amazing. But I wish our stream could see it. YO, this is crazy. But I wish my stream could see it. We're in Iran. What if you could capture every moment live on stream without having your hands tied? Introducing the Sky Synapse live streaming drone by Kai Synapse motion detection technology, face recognition, built-in Wi-Fi, 6G router capable of streaming 4K 60 fps with negative latency with the Sky Synapse live streaming drone. Every moment is an opportunity. Seems really great. Every moment is an opportunity. Every moment is an opportunity. Wow. Wow. Amazing. Stream rec. Hey, wait. What the [ __ ] So, is that me? What? What's happening? Yo. Yo, listen. This is going to change live streaming forever, chat. In the past, you had to get a cameraman, the rig, all that [ __ ] With this, you just [ __ ] and play. Pre-orders should be arriving today. The next massive streamer could blow up using this. That could be me. Oh my god. I better order one right now. You're dead. Are you serious? If you're If you're going to sit here and stream, yes, you have to put money into it. Are you done? Oh [ __ ] Time to fly into a building. There's me. This guy's name is Kaden. That was Kaden. Okay. KY versus Logan. Okay. You're Wait. You're now live. Welcome to your life as a streamer. A dead one currently. It's your mission to gain viewers and climb the ranks of the streamer world. Go find some content. So, one out of 10 peak viewers, 100 sanity, 100 notoriety until a suspension. Chad, my stream crash. Okay. Um, all right. So, come down here now. Wait, that is that his mom? Okay, let me open the door. Okay. What What does this [ __ ] want? What do you want, Mom? Why is there a $10,000 charge on my credit card? $10,000? Did you buy a drone? Uh-oh. No. It's for streaming. I told you all to be a streamer. Mom. Kaden, you know I don't understand whenever you talk about the streaming thing. Have you started your college applications yet? Yes. Yes. Get off my day about it. Okay. Just making sure you don't want to miss the deadline. Which schools have you applied to? Oh, oops. Uh, uh, Harvard. Harvard. Yeah. Applied to Harvard. College. And you don't make [ __ ] Streamers make five times your salary. Damn, bro. Let that [ __ ] know. That's quite mean, Kaden. I ain't capping, Mom. Everything we have is cuz of dad's money. Damn. Damn, bro. He put that [ __ ] down. If you weren't so broke, maybe he would have stayed when I was born. Jesus, bro. Kaden, Robert, Brettley, this is quite enough. I think you should apologize. I'll apologize. I My bad. Wait, I lost the viewer. I'm down to the goose egg. Your dialogue choices throughout the game concerns reward you with viewers or punish you with the loss that are of choose. I didn't know that. I tried to be a nice guy. Is that drone recording us too? Turn it off. Nope. This is my life now. I'm going stream everything. Damn. They f to make documentaries about me on God. [ __ ] based, bro. What a gangster. All right, let's go. Find out I donated a dollar. Do something already. about the mortgage. Talk to mom. Not now, Kaden. I I'm paying the bills. Yeah. Okay, [ __ ] All right. What What we got going on over here? Uh, write up the perfect post. Um, wait. Is it space? We about to cook some filet minion. I don't know how to spell it. Tasty. Well done. Wait, did I just cook food? Oh yeah, bro. Put that [ __ ] in the microwave with the PL. Wait, there's plastic. Wait. Wait a minute. I thought you supposed to take that off. Oh, I got a viewer. Okay, I I got him back now. Okay, maybe it's the same guy. All right, let's go. Anyone gooning right now? Anyone gooning? Wait, what? Stream to Paul Blake versus [ __ ] boxing event. The [ __ ] is this lag, bro? Yo, Sky Synapse, make sure you get my reaction and [ __ ] two viewers. Oh my god, I'm actually that guy. I'm that guy. Okay. Uh, let's go over here. Okay. Can I throw a lamp out the window? I can't. I can't. Can I go through the door? Let me see. I can go through the doors. I need more content. I need more content. Okay. Wait. But there's only two. There's only two things. Unless I missed something. Let me look. Oh, I didn't go this way. Open. You can't go here yet. What the hell is he buying now? What the [ __ ] is Drink the water with a fork? What? First, tell social media what you're going to do. Banger. Get in here. I'm about to drink this whole fish tank with a fork. What is this? Extra Emily's new stream. That content was to 2020, bro. Step it up and eat that [ __ ] fish. Do I eat the fish for the viewer right in front of mom? Are you out of your flipping mind? Yep. Come here, [ __ ] you get 10 notoriety. You gain viewers, but you gain notoriety. Increase if you get suspended from streaming. Okay. Anonymous ate a fish and nobody's watching. That's sad, bro. Pack it up. Damn, that's bad. Okay, so you got your first toxic donation and chat message. Toxic donations and messages will rage bait you and decrease your sanity. Low sanity will trigger adverse effects that alter gameplay. Okay, I know about that. Uh, that's what mods are for. You can add moderators to your channel uh to deal with toxic viewers and keep you sane. Go to your computer and manage your mods. Okay. Um, chat, am I out of content? Okay, let's go. Manage moderators. Okay, I'm going to add a moderator. I'm going to add this guy. Okay, there's no other mods. It's just literally automod. That's it. Okay, I don't have anybody else. How do I get doxed with four viewers? Bro, like what the [ __ ] Go to your bed and sleep. Okay, I'm going to go to bed. Save and sleep. Dreaming of being a millionaire. Oh, be be famous. S lazy ass sleepathon. You cannot be for real, bro. Go outside. I don't have any stream snipers. Oh [ __ ] Who is that? Sam Pepper. Dude, Kaden, where have you been all week? I've been messaging you on Discord. Oh no, dude. No [ __ ] way. Is that the new streaming drone? You bought one? Hell yeah, bro. I'm a streamer now. I'm lowkey a content god, too. You're about to hear my name everywhere. Yeah, I started streaming, too. Thought you were ghosting me. But all my viewers are just broad trying to get me to [ __ ] gamble. Damn. It's about that way, huh? Oh, he's got a green shirt. I wonder why. Okay. Um, let's ask him to follow me. You mind throwing me a follow, bro? I made a new channel to really solidify my brand. Oh, I thought you meant follow in real life. Okay, Kaden Brantley. Dude, ain't no way you got the full government name. You're going to get docks, man. Streamed just now. Let's see what you got. Okay, you're a [ __ ] dead streamer. How much did you spend for that drone? No one's even watching you. I'm going to get defensive. No, [ __ ] this [ __ ] [ __ ] you, bro. My stream was just having connection issues and [ __ ] That isn't my real viewer count. I'm not a [ __ ] dead streamer. True. It's fake. It's broken. That's cap, bro. But I'm still rooting for you. You got to have at least 100 viewers if we're going to smash any hoods at TwingCon this weekend. Oh my god. Bet, dude. I've been looking forward to the cone all year. I'm going to hit a 100 easy, then we'll head out. Sound good? Yeah. Yeah, man. Come back when you hundo and we can take my dad's whip. I'll wait here. Okay, young Jeff. Give it up. You can't hit 100 viewers. Oh my god. Okay, so e boy son or eirl daughter? E boy son or egirl daughter? Oh wow, that's a hard one. Okay. Uh well, let me let me start Wait, can I can I start driving? No. Okay. I was thinking about driving while on the phone. Okay, let me go around. Oh, what's this? Minus four sanity. You got NPC brain. What's wrong? What's wrong, old man? Type one is talk to M Mr. Connelly. Is that I'm got an 8x on my M416. Oh my go. I had no idea. Yo, what's good, Mr. Connelly? What's good? What are you doing here, Kaden? Shouldn't you be in school? Did they actually get McConnell to voice this? I think they did. Nah, it's summer break and I'm starting my new life as a streamer/content creator. Any content around here? That's insane. You're looking for what? I don't understand what you're saying, Kaden. Explain streaming. Basically, I'm an influencer trying to find the most clippable content for my subathon. A puzzleable content or something locuely brain rot, you know. Look. Jesus. Bro, what the hell are you saying, Kaden? There anything going on around the neighborhood? It is. It says it's McConnell. It is. Look, look, look. It says right there. Yeah, my wife. She's going around real good. Having an affair with a neighbor recently and she don't care. She told me she ain't stopping. I'm going to be intrigued on this one. Yeah, let's do this. Yo, she down for a collab? I'm thinking about branching out to doing adult content, too. Wait, he wants to [ __ ] his wife, too. Jesus Christ, Kaden. That's inappropriate. Also, aren't you 17? You can't be saying [ __ ] like that. I'm going to double down. Hey, if I'm 17, she's 17. You know what I'm saying? I did not say that. He said that. You kids these days are sick, but not as sick as her, I guess. Yeah. Okay. Worst part is I can't do anything about it. She said if I tried to divorce her, she'd just take the house and my money. That's how it works nowadays. True, brother. So true. I I'm I'm going to help him out. I'm going to help him out. Dude, that's what I've been hearing, too, man. I've been watching videos about female privilege and [ __ ] They got it better than us for real. I know. I know. I hate women. Prove first that she's cheating. If I'm going to come out on top in a divorce, I don't got any currently. Okay, let's do it. Let's do it right now, bro. I'll find her if you can tell me where she is. My new streaming drone going to catch that [ __ ] red-handed in 4K. That's right. I don't know where the [ __ ] she's at, though. I didn't see who the guy was before he hopped out our window. I just know it's someone in this neighborhood in the neighborhood. Who is it? Maybe you could go look through some mailboxes for clues. To send me love letters back when she loved me. Okay. Um, investigating mailboxes. To my goddess, your f your pharaoh awaits your body. Come over again. We can take a ride in my truck and make love where everyone can witness us. I don't care if your husband sees. In fact, I want him. Wait, what? Wait, what the [ __ ] But who's this guy? Talk to what's his name? Ellie. Yeah. What we listening to? I'm live right now. Rando, what' you say? Ask again aggressively. Bro, are you deaf? I could make you famous, but you're missing out on a huge networking opportunity. What song are you listening to? Let him know. Uh, Leave Me Alone. It's just a question. Relax, bro. No, that's the song name. Ask about song. I've never heard of it. That a KY song. Oh god. Did you just tell me to kill myself? What's the point of this interview? I have to let him know I'm a streamer. No, dude. [ __ ] is a content creator like me. I'm a streamer. That's right. I'm a streamer, bro. A bad one. It looks like flex on them. I'm a thousand viewer streamer, bro. My dad could buy your whole life. That's right, [ __ ] That's right. You want to flex for your stupid video? How about this? My girlfriend left me for a rich Nepo baby. This going to get you views, [ __ ] Damn, bro. All I want to do is sit here and listen to music and forget about my problems, and you come here and remind me that my life is [ __ ] [ __ ] you. I'mma beat him up now. Now we beat him up. Okay. So, find his cheating wife by investigating mailboxes. Okay. I'm going to to Mr. Dempsey, our loyal customer. Thank you for your content. Lorded right now. True. We hope our tools are serving you well. As a tool, thanks for a recent purchase of the meter master oscillating power saw pro X. Please accept the voucher for 20% off your next purchase. Okay. Kaden Ross mogs your ass, little p. Ooh, that's bad. Wait, what's this? Wait, I can kick somebody's car. I'm running. I'm running. Okay, extra read your first clavvicular was mid jestering when a group of voids came and spiked his cortisol levels. Is ignoring the voids while ming and moing uh mogging moids more useful than SMV Chadfishing in the club? Reports are that are still uncertain. True, brother. So true. Ring doorbell. No. No. I'm I I'm I'm I've been I've been such a bad boy. I'm going to get in trouble. Why am I reading people's mail? Yo, train. Bro, my bank account is locked for some [ __ ] Bro, I need money or this I won't be able to pay rent this month. I promise I'll pay you back, bro. I just need a few thousand to cover expenses. I will have your I will have it back soon. I swear on my mom's life from Flickr. Oh, really? Is that right? I wonder who that's supposed to be. Birds call. Mr. Ter Terrestrial. Maybe I could get that stuff in the middle of the night. Troll him. Yo, bro. I need a duo for the joke pal finals. I'm about to rank up. Do you know the twisting upper stroke strat? Beat it, kid. I'm busy. What you looking at? Don't you see all this stuff outside that guy's house? It's just sitting Yeah. Uh, question. The hoarder house. Are you just going to look at it? Well, yeah. Just leave me alone, kid. Encourage stealing. I'm going to tell him to steal. You could probably lift some of it, bro. No one's going to notice one thing missing. Damn. Maybe you're right. Damn, look at this house. It's a nice house. Do I smell bad? Talk to Mar. Bro, do you live here? Who the [ __ ] is this [ __ ] Yeah, I live here, but I don't think I can take it anymore. Uhhuh. My dad just keeps collecting more stuff. He hasn't thrown anything away in 3 years. I'm going to capitalize on this. Damn. If I can be the first to make a local video about this [ __ ] hole, I can make bank. I don't know what to do. It's gotten so bad. I have to climb through the windows to get inside. My dad just feeds me spoiled freezer dinners. Okay, let me do it. Can I do anything to help? This would probably make some good HopeCore content. Oh, no. You could try to talk to my dad and convince him somehow to stop. I'm sure your live stream or whatever would get a kick out of him. Oh, good. Can you help me throw away that trash in the back porch first? I'm sick of looking at it. If you clear it, you can get in through the back door. I'll talk to him and clean up that thing. Oh god. Oh god. Yeah, true. Okay, dead streamer. Maybe you can find some viewers and about manage moderators. Oh, I can't get any more mods. Buy more stuff. [ __ ] Save game. Okay, I'm going to save. Actually, I'm not ready to save yet. I'm going to cancel. Okay. Um, let me go around. Okay. Get through It's just a massive [ __ ] hole. Get through the junk. Okay. Let me get through it. What is this? A jumping puzzle. Wait, how do I here? I I'm trying I'm trying to get through here. Come here. Come here. Trying to do it. Some content, the realism. It's not realistic at all. Oh [ __ ] Oh [ __ ] OKAY. OKAY. GETTING YOUR OWN HOUSE. If they make if this is my house, I'm going to lose my [ __ ] mind. Actually, I won't be. I'll be I I will I will be the least surprised that anybody has ever been surprised. But I I have no idea. Done. Okay. All right. I'm trying I'm trying to get it out of the way. Okay. I'm trying to [ __ ] All right. Let me move all this stuff out of the way. No, it's okay, guys. It's okay. All right. Now, I kick this one out of the way. Okay. Somehow I've made it. All right. Kick this out of the way. Kick this out. Yo, mods, make sure you're clipping stuff for my slip slop channel. Jesus Christ. Are you [ __ ] I I don't know what I expected. I really don't. Like I I I think you could have easily expected this. What the hell? Have you been throwing out my things? Did Halal Abi send you? Oh no. No [ __ ] way. Assan mold. You've been living in this dump the whole time. Oh my ass mold. Aren't you a multi-millionaire? Oh god. Hey, are you a [ __ ] idiot? I asked you what the hell you were doing. Call him out for child abuse. I'm going to do that. Bro, your kid is starving. She can't even Yep. What I was saying she can't even get in the house. H Yep. I I can't say anything. I can't I can't react, bro. You know, saying yeah and yep while I'm talking doesn't add anything, right? It's just [ __ ] annoying. Jesus Christ. This is bad. This is really bad, guys. Anyway, stop messing with my stuff. I need all of that. I can use those dead animals for a new alarm clock. Get out. Everybody will never Dude. Wait, there's a D. Oh my god. Wait, I got thrown out of the house. Wait, let me see if I can go back to the house, streamer, guys. I want to see if I can go back in the house. Oh, the door is blocked by junk. Oh my god. Okay. Um, relatively accurate. You were vague. Oh, I I can't get out. I'm stuck. Wait, am I actually stuck? I'm buried alive. I can't leave. Chad, is the bit rate okay? I got soft locked by my own house. This is guys kick stuff. No, it doesn't let you cuz I'm not on the quest anymore. I actually Wait, I lost. I don't think it planned on you doing this, chat. Am I Okay, what if I go? Okay. Is this It's literally just a dead animal. It's actually a dead animal. There is I Wow. There we go, guys. There's the house. Amazing. Wait to get out of here, bro. What the [ __ ] You never told me your dad was asmin mold? Am I really old enough that I'm like, "Fuck, man. Damn, bro. How did this happen?" Yeah, I don't like mentioning it. I saw him kick you out after you threw away his stuff. He isn't going to change, is he? I'm going to drop some truth bombs. Nah, you're probably screwed. Netanyahu probably got his bad luck beam pointed straight at you. I'm so sick of living here. I'm so hungry. It's just Guys, guys, I would never do this. Okay, this is horrible. And it's just it's a total [ __ ] hole. It's a massive complete [ __ ] hole. Well, um yeah, that's about right. Holy [ __ ] Feed her. No. Absolutely not. Am I going chat? Did you guys know this whole thing is pre-recorded? Did she say am I going bald? Why does he keep buying more stuff? I can't wait to get out of here. Wow. Okay. I All right, I'm done. Let me get out of here. All right. Um Okay, that's enough. Tell streamers to host me. Tell streamers to host me. Okay. Who? Oh, I have to I forgot I need to check the check the mails. Okay. All right. Let me go to the next one. The mailbox is packed too full with mail to respond. Yo, this [ __ ] farms, bro. Okay, guys. To Amorass, if you're reading this, looks like I found your address. You like lying to your viewers, Kate? All these years, you made me believe we had a connection, but no. It turns out you're lying to your viewers. Go [ __ ] your husband or whatever. Lying [ __ ] I'm going to make your life a living hell. Say goodbye to your entire pitiful brand. Oh no. No. Wait. What is this? Coffee addict. Got to go. Got to go. Question. Uh, capitalize. Yo, chat. Look at this meth out freak. Why she got the zooies? Who's this [ __ ] Cuz I need some more coffee. Uh, do you know? It's Annie Fuchsia. I I don't know how I got here. Yeah, the other one was wake, too. What is this here? Do you know how I don't know I got it? Yes, sure. I know a place. Okay, let's take her. Oh, please. Where? Tell me where. Red Grilled Burgers has some coffee. Probably. Yeah, they banned me from every one of their stores. Why? How'd you get banned? How do you even get banned from a fast food joint? Probably being fat. Someone got my order wrong, so I yelled at them. wait. You're that crazy lady on the slip slob who crashed out and started attacking a cashier. Joe, I'm your biggest fan, little sis. So, do you know anywhere else that has coffee? I'm crashing hard right now. Uh, yes. Nah, actually, I don't know where. You're so not useful. I got to go. Damn. Damn. Okay, let me go to this one. Wait, what's this house? Harvard University. You in, bro? Damn. How about that? Okay, what about this one? Extra, extra. Oh no, read all about it. Quicular almost got career ending cortisol spike after a war. Max Stacy tried gestrifying him on stream by calling him a good boy while he was midmog between two low tier normies at ASU. Critical aura loss reported by the Miami Asian mocker. It's just so [ __ ] [ __ ] Okay. What the [ __ ] was that last letter? What do you mean you're leaving me? Who's Terrence? I'm in the middle of the [ __ ] Middle East defending our country while getting my eardrums blown out while you're getting your pack blown out. Tell me this is a [ __ ] joke. Damn, that's bad. Well, who's this guy? What up, little bro? Uh, compliment him. You got that [ __ ] on you, bro. How fire is that fit, chat? Oh, what do they think? Thanks little bro. Thanks little bro. Aspaz clothes. Is that drowning ape shirt real? Drowning ape. I think I got it at a consignment store in Austin. Ooh, glaze him. Sick. That [ __ ] tough as hell. Twin. My stream thinks it's heat. Oh [ __ ] You're live. CAN I SHUT MYSELF OUT? NAH, [ __ ] NAH, BRO. Weirdass leech. Lame ass stupid ass stream anyway. You probably won't even break 10 viewers. I have 24 viewers right now. Actually, I have 500 viewers right now. Yeah, 500. I mean, yeah. And I have a McLaren. Uh, ask for proof. Prove it. Show me a picture. I don't have my phone on me. I do have one though. Oh, that's too bad. Chad, look at this fake ass dude fronting that he got a McLaren. [ __ ] you, dude. It's real. You'll see. You'll all see. You'll all see. Damn. Okay. All right, let's see. Did I do this one? Dear Mr. Kareem Davis, thank you for applying for associate cashier position at FoodHub. Oh man, this guy must be a real [ __ ] Wait, we got to find out where McConnell's cheating wife is. Dearest Tongs. What the [ __ ] Okay, wait. I've got to make sure. Did I miss one of these houses? I must have missed a house, right? No, not this one. Okay, I've got to Yeah, I I feel like I had to have missed a house. What about this one? No, that's that's Amarath's house, of course. And I looked at that one. Okay, we've got to go find it. Click this [ __ ] Chat. Chat. Chat. Okay, I saw that one. I want to double check and make sure I didn't miss anybody. Okay. Okay, I got that one. What about this? What are all these? As I lie in bed writing this letter to my pharaoh beautiful risings, I think of you now as I lie in bed writing this letter. My pathetic husband sleeping downstairs on the couch. You make me feel things he could never. Your strokes of gentle yet powerful. Your hands make me quiver. Pharaoh, I need to see you. My temple is calling for its pharaoh, your goddess. Oh no. I have to expose. I thought I could get on the on the No. Okay, we've got to find a way to get inside and expose this [ __ ] for cheating. I can't go inside. And can I go in here? No. Can I look in through there? No. chat. How's my view count looking? Uh, I can't. I literally just broke into this dude's house. Okay. All right. Let's see if we can find him. Is it this house? This door? No. Oh my god. How did you get in here? Capitalize. Holy [ __ ] chat. We're going to be at the top of Shreddit. Clip this [ __ ] What the [ __ ] Are you filming us? Keep streaming. I'm going keep streaming. Yeah, I am. You're live for the whole world right now. Can you do a flip on it? No. What the [ __ ] Who are you? Keep streaming. I'm Kaden, but what really matters is Let this [ __ ] know. You're Mrs. Connelly, right? Damn. It's Thanks. Oh my god. My husband sent you. [ __ ] Delete that recording right now. Uhoh. Uhoh. Looks like I got what I need. Don't worry. I won't blueball you, bro. Keep popping. Yo, chat. Should we gamble? No. I have to go back to McConnell's house. Oh my [ __ ] god. Damn, I [ __ ] up his flowers. I'm untouchable. I'm untouchable. I just noticed the gun. continue. You seen my [ __ ] wife? I'm [ __ ] ready, man. I'm going to divorce her. Tell her you found her. I caught her. You're not going to believe the footage I got. It was like some behind the scenes of Mrs. Connaly's Gang Bang Adventure 3. Damn, that's bad. I don't want to hear it. Just [ __ ] tell me you got proof of it. Oh man. Give him the proof. Yeah. Here, I'll give you the VOD link. Let's do a watch party of it. I want to get a live reaction from you. Oh my god, this is degenerate. Holy [ __ ] I don't think so. I'm going to get a lawyer and be done with all this and her. Thank you, Kaden. Thank you, Kaden. Anything else you know that I could stream? That [ __ ] was good ass content. Ooh, why don't you find out what Mr. Dempsey is doing next door? Okay. All right, let's go over there. Yeah, I never [ __ ] see him leave his house other than bring back a bunch of weird [ __ ] Whips, [ __ ] chains, sodomy of some sort, I reckon. Um, speculate. He's probably a gooner, man. My chat's full of them. True based. I I don't know what the [ __ ] that means, but it sounds right. Inquire further. Is your wife getting cracked by him, too? Oh, no. Ooh, definitely not. He's not much of a people person. Whenever I talked to him, he just wanted to end the conversation as soon as possible, like he was always in a hurry. If you manage to talk to him, maybe you can tell me why he's so damn weird. Okay, I'll do it. Thanks for the tip, Mr. Connelly. Catch you later. Wow. Okay, let's go next door right now. Ring the doorbell. I don't want your Girl Scout cookies and I don't want to hear about Jesus. Go away. Uh, why don't we go to back? Why don't we go back back to his house? Okay. Um. Ooh. What's this? Inspect. Put your ear up to the basement window. Wait, what? You hear crying and what sounds like muffled yelling. I don't know. It's Maybe there's tools nearby you can use. Okay. Oh, it's got to be in the shed, right? Let me check in the shed. Chat, tell streamers to raid me. Oh, lockpicking kit. Okay, good. Oh, he's got American flag. It's a patriot. Okay, let's go inside. What the hell is that sound? What? Oops. Got [ __ ] [ __ ] All right. Open. Open. Doro. The power. Hey, what have you seen? Huh? How do you here? Come here. Don't touch me, pedo. You're on stream. Ah, get the [ __ ] out of here, kid regret it. No. No. What? I'm going to get back in there. I'm getting back in there All right. I have to investigate without him seeing me. Hell is that sound? Oh, what the [ __ ] Chad, where should I go? What? Please, no more. Just kill me already. What the [ __ ] Kidnapping victim. The [ __ ] is this? Oh, holy [ __ ] That's a clip. Clip this, guys. Damn. What the [ __ ] Oh my god. Who is that? Uhoh. I'm Kaden Brenley. You're on stream right now, by the way, so don't say nothing bad. Uhoh. Oh my god. Where is he? Please help me. He's been keeping me down here for weeks. I'm going to I'm going to save him. I'm going to save him. Yo, no worries. I'll get you out of here cuz I want to help out the less fortunate. I learned that word from Kai Syninnapse. He been reading and [ __ ] Oh god. Reading and [ __ ] Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Please just just untie me and and call the police before he finds you. Mhm. Who? Why are you down here? the [ __ ] crazy [ __ ] who went to Washington. Who do you think? You need to help us. I'm going to correct him. When you mean us? I'm not locked here. I can leave whenever I want. Damn. Let him know. There is a man in the other room behind you. I think he's been here since before me. Wait, what? Tell him he's they're not there anymore. They're dead. Uh, whoever he is, he's not there anymore. Probably dead and chopped into pieces. Did you know chopped also means cut up? I just learned that. Oh my god. Holy [ __ ] [ __ ] We have to get out of here. How did you find me anyway? Mr. Connelly. Mr. Connelly next door told me to find content here. Mods, give a shout out to Mr. Connelly. Make sure to follow him, chat. Definitely, for sure. Please just help me call the police. I don't want to die. I'm going to use him as content. Yeah, bet. I'll call him right now. So, what's it been like down here? Uh-huh. He's sick. He He's a sick [ __ ] He tortures us in every way imaginable with with [ __ ] rusty tools. Oh, God. Just please get help. Inquire further. Damn. Can you come close to the bars? I want to make sure Chat can see the wounds clearly. Chat, can you see that? Please. I'm so [ __ ] scared. Please get me out of here before he comes back down. More content. More content. Do you think you can come on my podcast to talk about this whole experience? I think we could make it like a whole series, maybe. Oh my god. Okay, please. Why haven't you called for help yet? Give a dungeon tour. Okay, one sec. I just want to give chat a tour real quick. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. I've got I've got to tone it down. Oh, guys. Yo. Yo, look at these tools. Chat, vote for which one you think he got tortured with. Yeah, Mr. Dempsey is kind of a freak though. On God. A triple dot. That's enough. Call the [ __ ] police now, please. Okay, I'm going to call. Okay. Okay, I'm calling. All right. Can you shout me out when they get here, though, and tell your friends Kaden Brentley saved you? I'm always live. I'm always live. Jesus Christ. Yes. Please [ __ ] hurry. Big misunderstanding. I want my lawyers. I've never seen this man in my life. GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF ME. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO IDIOT. Get your hands off my penis. Okay, let me Sigma. Wait, why are there Oh. Oh, I know why. Hey, kid. You can't be here. We're collecting evidence. Ask for Yo, can I see one of these bodies? It'd be pretty good content. And I don't even got to go to a suicide forest, man. Man, not a chance. A damn it, bro. Damn. That's too bad. Okay, move it along, kid. This is an active crime scene. I'm a I'm going to flex on her, bro. You know who I am. I'm the one who caught Mr. Dempsey. Have some respect on my name. True. If you've already had your statement taken, you've got no reason being here. Is your mom going to pick you up? I'm going to r her up. I'm immediately start hitting on the cop. I could be picking you up and you could be my mommy. You know what I'm saying? You want to get arrested? That's how you get arrested, kid. Watch it or you're going in handcuffs. Handcuffs? Don't threaten me with a good time. Fine [ __ ] This is wild. Okay. Um, let me see. All right. Ask about the kidnapping victim in the dude in the cage who I saved. Is he going to be okay? I need to finish my interview with him. he was taken to the hospital. Extreme malnourishment on top of all the other awful stuff that sucks. Last thing he wants is you annoying him. I'm not annoying. Mods, start a poll. Chad, am I annoying, Chad? Am I annoying? So, what's going to happen to Mr. Dempsey? Is he going? Suspect's most likely going away for a long time. We found multiple bodies in his house. We think there might be more. Damn, that's didn't catch you. The only reason you're not in a body bag right now is probably because you were broadcasting live and he got scared. Did you hear that, chat? The stream kept me alive. Keep slabbing. The subaton's got to keep going. Some chat guy is annoying as [ __ ] Okay, let me go to this guy. Did you see the [ __ ] cops arrest Mr. Dempsey next door? I already had [ __ ] people locked down in there. Uh, tell them you called the cops. That was me, bro. I found a dude tied up down there and called the cops. Holy [ __ ] That was you? You're a [ __ ] hero, Kaden. Yeah, I guess. I just wish it was a chick so I could have risked her up. Ask about his wife. Yo, so about your wife the two time. Yeah, I'm going to be serving her the divorce papers as soon as she gets home if she ever does. Still [ __ ] waiting. Okay. Um, yo, what's good? [ __ ] Let me go back. Okay. Now, all right. I have 44 viewers now. Let me keep moving around and I I can't get suspended cuz I'm worried I'm going to get suspended. Your body count. Adult circumcision. Can I go inside this house? Let me see if I can go inside the house. I'm trying to see if I can break into break into our house. I can't. No, I cannot. I have to go to another house. Let's go to the other. No, never mind. Never mind. Check. Can you guys host me? Can you guys host me? Vandalize. Ring doorbell. Why don't I ring doorbell? Hello. Continue. Hello. Who's there? Me. Hello. I'm with the Mormon School of Soen and Tora Kraken. Uh, do you have time to talk about your faith today? My god. Uh, I already go to church. I ain't interested. I might give him money. Wait. We'll give you $200 if you just listen for a bit. Really? Okay. I'm listening. All right. Our Lord says the path to redemption is to follow Kaden Brenley on Twe. This is the only way to salvation. True, brother. Huh? This ain't funny. Get off my property. Okay. All right. I got to leave. Let me go to this one. I'm going to go to this one. Hello. Hello. What do you want? Impersonate the IRS. Uh, this is the IRS. You've been evading our calls. You really think you could escape us, Smith? You won't get me alive, [ __ ] Wait there. You'll be chasing lead from your ass to your mouth, [ __ ] Oh [ __ ] Chat, this [ __ ] is crazy. I'm like a zoomer, man. This is bad. Yeah, this is really bad, guys. Hey, I got your Blubber Eats order here. Blubber Eats. Um, my wife must have ordered something. What's the order? Uh, juice. Some juice. You guys are PVC fans, too. P. Uh, I don't know. Honey, did you order some juice? No, I'm not making fun of your body. What? I knew it. No, you just look like you're on steroids. I got to go. Damn, bro. I ruined this dude's life. Okay, what about this guy? Um Oh, I think if I kick the ball, I'm going to lose I'm going to lose points. Hello. This is Sergeant Brenley of the United States Marine Corps. Do not come to the door. This is a matter of life and death. Uhoh. Uh-oh. The Marine Corps. What's happening? There's a nuclear attack coming from uh Canada. We need you to shelter inside immediately. Do not come out until a year after the blast. It'll be radioactive. Okay, that makes sense. Oh my god. What? I need to call my family. Hold on. Let me turn on the news. What a stupid [ __ ] Your family is probably already dead, and you can't use any TV or phones right now. The signals will interfere with our uh military equipment. This is crucial. Oh my god. I can't believe this is happening. I need to hide. Thank you, Sergeant Brenley. So stupid. So [ __ ] [ __ ] Okay. Um, he's so awful. I know. Paste. Yeah. Oh, can I go over? I can't quite go over that. All right, let me go down this way. Okay. Maplewood Community Center. Can I go in here? Oh my god, I can. The courtyard. All right. Who's this? Hello. Welcome to Maplewood Community Center. Do you need any help? Question. Uh, I'm going to try and hook up with her. You could help my stream out. People love couples content. Yo, Mods, change my title to live with an Asian baddy. That's crazy. Oh, no. You look like you're still in high school. Also, I'm married. Do you actually need help with anything? Nah, I'm good. No, I'm That's it. Okay. What about this guy? Hey, welcome to Maplewood Community Center. Do you have any question about our upcoming events? I'm going to tell him what to do. Yo, bro, just letting you know, you're wasting this place. This would make a sick stream in house. Ooh, or a casino. A casino? I like the sound of that. Oh, I can get new moderators. That's actually pretty good. Oo, that's good. We could host some community gaming parties. You interesting in volunteering? Bro, I got a full ass subathon to do. Why you asking me to volunteer? Maybe not. Just never understand how hard it is to be a streamer. they don't understand the grind. Oh, let me know if you need anything. Nah, I'm good. A tip though, you voice line kind of like an NPC. You should work on that. Damn. Damn, bro. Let him know. Okay, so if you mod me, maybe I can get closer. If I can get closer to her. So, this is a girl my drip. Okay. Do I want to 420 all day? When will HOA address the hoarder house? I can't stand to look at it anymore. I'll be bringing this up. Wait, this is a guy complaining about me. Well, [ __ ] this guy. Okay. Um, All right. I'm going to give I'm going to get this one because I'm already really strict in general. So, I'm going to I'm going to remove this. You guys really want 420. You guys really think 420 should be it. Here's what I do. I'm going to unmod automod and I'm going to put this dumb [ __ ] in there. There it is. And my total strictness is neg5. We just got the straight [ __ ] running wild. Let the [ __ ] run wild. That's fine. That's good. Okay, let's go inside. I'm out of subs. I'm out of content. Okay, put your stream still awake. He turns his own stream on. A based. Okay. What about this? Save game. Okay. Uh I'm going to sleep. A I'm such a good boy. Look at me. Okay, now what? Let me go over here. Oh, I can't open any of these doors. Not in the community center. Tab open for your boy. Keep the c the tab open. Oh [ __ ] Who? Wait, the community man. Oh, it's the big guy. Hello. Is there something wrong with the TV out there again? Yo, bro. Sick stash. You just need some sunglasses. Then you're ready to cheat on your wife. Dr. Disrespect. Huh? Was that a compliment or an insult? A compliment, bro. With a mustache like that, you're ready to get all the miners. This game has some really good dialogue. What are you talking about? Anyways, do you need help with anything? Ask about roll. So, how come you get your own little office here when all the other employees have to share that shack outside? Need privacy to goon or something? Well, I own and manage this community center. The volunteer who works here get their separate offices since our responsibility are are a little different. Uh-huh. Continue. you. That was the most boring thing I've ever heard. What can I do here? I do have something you could do. Actually, some guy has been harassing us constantly. Who is it? Would you tell him to stop? He runs a outdoor store next to us. Bro, who do you think I am? Your personal messenger? Because I am. I'll talk to him. Okay. What? All right. Let me go talk to this loser. Where's this loser ass dick sucker? Where's he at? Where's his [ __ ] ass? He's over here. Let's go. Oh, there it is. Let me go all the way around. Make sure there's nothing around the back. What's this? I can save. I don't need to save. All right, let me go inside now. It's time. Read his mail. Thank you for your continued subscription with the Data Wars newsletter. We may have We may have won the election, but we haven't won the war yet. While we celebrate victory, the global shadow regime is invigorating North Korea and the Soviet proxy government. They'll soon finish synthesizing another virus to sabotage our president's plan to eradicate these pedophilic demons. With a small donation every month, you can help save our country. More info inside. Okay, let's go inside right now. Dr. Yeast. So he uh he makes these videos and uh can't wait till President Cornwall visits our town. He'll finally deport them Korean spies. He is the antichrist. This guy will be a billionaire in the next two years. And you don't get that type of money, fight. Cornwood's got to stop him. He's going to drain that swamp any day now. Corn. You can look it up. Look it up. Howdy. Welcome in. Feel free to look around. See her. Oh my. Ask about the radio, bro. What you listening to on your radio? It's the Data Wars podcast endorsed by President Cletus Cornwood himself. If you're still listening to mainstream media, sorry to say, you've got your head under the sand. I'm going to ask more about it. What's so great about data wars then? Well, I'll bet you didn't know the North Koreans were planning to invade us. True, brother. True. You got to let him know. Wars has the proof. Believe it. I believe it. Better be watching. I believe it right now. Streaming for nothing. Yo, what up to my Korean viewers? They are not your friends. They are spies who want you dead. Like them people at the community center across from me. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. You telling me that the people at the community center are Korean? OH, ONE OF THE GUY DID KIND OF LOOK LIKE KOREAN. I told him to quit pointing their cameras at me, but they just lied and told me it was harmless surveillance. Don't believe me? Go talk to them and you'll see their lives. Yeah, cuz it was that chick was Asian. Yeah, true. All right. Sure. Why not? Content is Yep. It was a false flag. Don't get caught in the mud when it matters most. Trust insurrect tires for any occasion, any terrain, any situation. Insurrect tires. Tread on those so they don't visit. Tread on those so they can't tread on you. Oh man, that's good. Okay, let me go. All right, so now let's turn this in. Okay, you think we don't notice your entire chat spotted? No. Okay, I'm going to ask this girl. Is are you a Korean spy? Hello again. Do you have any questions? Ask about their race. What kind of Chinese are you? Yo, so I'm trying to learn about the world and [ __ ] Where are you from? Oh, well, I was born here, but my parents are from THE PHILIPPINES. THAT'S A FUNNY QUESTION, THOUGH. Is there any other reason you're asking? Jonathan from the outdoor store asked. That dude running the outdoor store thinks you guys are Korean spies. Is that true? What? What? This is so typical of him. He has been harassing us for a while now about our cameras and just our general presence. I think he's just racist. No. I told you I'm not Korean and I'm definitely not a spy. Don't listen to that nut job. Damn. Damn. Is that right? Hey, do you need anything? I ask about the race. Yo, can I do a bet with you real quick? My chat loves gambling content. I bet you five bucks I can guess your race. You're white. Sure. You're on. Everyone always gets this wrong. You're Mexican. You look a little Mexican. Am I right? Not even close. I'm from Myanmar. You got the What the [ __ ] is that? Is that in Korea? Pretty sure that means I don't have to pay you. chat. I was close enough, right? Yeah, right. Yeah, it's whatever, bro. You don't get to pay me. You're saving me from boring workday, so I'll just take that. Oh, what a little [ __ ] Jesus. Chat, am I oring? Look at the [ __ ] Jesus Christ. This is This is really indepth, man. I I I'm kind of I'm I'm quite impressed. I really am. This is good. Okay, let me go back down to the bottom. where's the Where's Oh, where's the guy? I got to talk to this guy. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, this is the guy. Hey, kiddo. What do you need? Ask about his race. Yo, quick question for you. You wouldn't happen to be Korean, would you? Is you Korean or not? That's pretty good. I'm half Tibetan and half Korean, actually. inquire further. Oh [ __ ] half Korean. So like half of you is North Korean and the other half is South. The 50% Korean part is 100% South. My mom is from Saul. So the other 50% must be North Korean. Bro, I don't understand what the hell you're saying. I ain't good at math. The [ __ ] There's nothing else. I need to get back to work. Feel free to enjoy the amenities here, though. Oh, what? No. Okay. Okay. So, he ain't do math. Yeah. No, he ain't no math. He's a spy. I think he could be a North Korean spy. I feel like it's very high probability. Pretty much like 100%. We just got finished talking about these so-called titty streamers who are enticing and corrupting our children. But you know what's even more dangerous? Of course. How could I not see? Dr. Yeast, you you guessed it right. It's China. All right. China has been spying on us from the very beginning, but it's not how you think. They're not doing it through them phones. All right. Can't wait till President Cornwall You see in the air, those are owned by China. The birds. All right. Now, that alien flu that you've been hearing about, that's what killed all the real birds. Yep. Exactly. It was a false manufacturing mechanical robotic birds. And you know, China has been playing around with manufacturing these robotic birds for so long, they've gotten real advanced at it, too. So, good birds. How can I not see fake birds, the mechanical parts of it will Oh my god, that's how advanced they are. And it'll look just like flesh and bone. You can test it and it'll match the DNA of a real bird. He's going to drain that swamp any day now. Any day now, brother. Some calls now from viewers. Uh we got Cletus on the line. Cletus from uh North Carolina. What can you tell us about these birds? Can't wait till President Cornwood visits our town to finally deport them Korean spies. But something been strange going on around here. And I just got to tell y'all now, I've been working on them farms for all my [ __ ] Koreans at Community Center. Yeah, I found them, ain't they? They're all Korean. Yo, bro, I went over there and talked to them. Turns out they're all Korean. You were right, bro. They're all North Korean. Oh, Christ. I knew we have to figure out what they're up to. We're dead. They might be planning an attack as we speak. Holy [ __ ] How do we stop it? I don't know what we need to play their game. We need intel. Go over there and search through their documents, computers, whatever. We need to see what they're doing. All right, bro. I'll check it out. If you're right, maybe we can do a collab with Data Wars. That'd be content. Oh my. Your children are going to die to China. They got their eyes open. No one's got to stop him. He's going to drain that. This is [ __ ] ridiculous. Okay, I'm going to steal this bitch's Yo, chat, where should we look? Okay, let's open. I see a bunch of boring ass folders. Let's open the documents. Holy [ __ ] Look at this folder, chat. Top secret. Do not open. This is got to be the secret plans. This is the China [ __ ] or North Korea. I think it is. Open uh Asian RBTX or ammo. We're going to do the second one. What the [ __ ] is this? Why he got Asian rabbit Xbox downloaded on his work computer? I don't know. Tell Justin to DM me. DM me, Justin. Asian rabbit X. Thank you, M. Lol for the dono. Oo. That's three oos for you. This dude straight up gooning in the maple with community center based. Okay. All right. So, we figured it out. Now we know what the answer is. Yeah. Them hoes is wild. You find anything on their communist computers yet? The commuters. Anyway, they planned an attack. Hell yeah, brother. Bro, I looked through their computers. You'll never guess what I found. I found plans to destroy America. I found orders from their supreme leader uh Kim Kardashian or whatever about their plans to destroy America. They're going to start with your shop. Oh my god. It all makes sense. Alec Johnson was right about everything. I knew it. We're putting an end to this. Go over there and knock out those cameras. Antichrist. Can I shoot the cameras with those guns on the wall instead? Those skins look expensive. Case hardened. Case hardened. you one, kid. But I need to stock as many as I can for the impending war. Guns are not for sale. Okay, fine. I'll take out the cameras, chat. No snitching. I have to break the cameras. So, my dad used to do uh he used to be a truck driver like after he got out of Vietnam. And uh this is before he became a a carpenter and a and a college professor. He was a truck driver. and he said he used to drive a truck and deliver concrete a lot to this dude's house that was you think we should do he was basically trying to build a bunker for when they uh well the other word that they used to say black people you know in Florida whenever they revolt and start to start to fight back and my dad had to go and deliver him concrete on a regular basis. Yeah, African. That was the Yeah, that's I think that's the word. Africanamean. I'm pretty sure that was it. Oh, whoa. Where the cameras at? Let me bust this [ __ ] out. Yo, boom, [ __ ] Sponsor me. Boom, [ __ ] Get out of here. Oh, a third one. Damn. What the hell is going on here? What happened to our Shut up, [ __ ] Get back in the room. Good job from the outdoor store. Shot him out. Hell yeah. Hell you. I should have known this was you for the last time. Stop harassing us, you racist imbeile. Racist. What? Stop speaking that foreign language. This is America. That's what you get for filming porno of me. We're not filming anything. You're [ __ ] crazy. Crazy. You want to see her? ARE YOU CRAZY? YOU GODDAMN COMMIE. SHOOTER. OH MY GOD. [ __ ] TERRY, please call the police. No. What? USA. USA. Well, that was great. Game slop. What the hell is this? What's game slop? Let me go into game slop. I have no That's a nice car. Who's in here? All right. Bye, guys. I'm turning stream Game slop employee. Greetings. Welcome to GameStop. Looking for a specific title today. Ask for a game recommendation. I want to know what a dweeb like you is into. What you think is the best game? Elen Ring. He's going to say Elen Ring. Oh, well, that one is easy. Elder Circle without a doubt is the greatest game of all time. I agree. Yeah, that's what I heard too, bro. Elder Circle is gas. Oh [ __ ] I just got viewers chat. I love Elder Circle. Exactly. Your chat knows culture it seems. How cultured are you is the question. Let me ask you, what game do you think is the greatest? NBA Claire Demure Exped 33. Balding Mates 3. Balding Mates 3 sounds like porn. So we're going to go with Exped 33. Uh, Claire Demure, bro. That [ __ ] won like six gillion awards. Six gurillion, man. How about that? Interesting choice. We'll see what your chat thinks of that decision. I wonder if everyone will show up to my DND game later. Okay. What about fat over here? Welcome to GameStop slop, the greatest game emporium in all of the shadow world. Would you be interested in browsing my wares of pure darkness? That's the new world logo. Uh, mock him. I'm going to make fun of him. You're uh I can't even come up with a joke, dude. Just keep talking. I suppose I have bested you then, as is Lad. Another victorious duel in the books for Alistar Shadow Stone. Oh my god. That is not your name, bro. Your name tag says Alan Silverstein ass. Do not use my slave name. I am Alice Shadowstone and I run this market. Do you want to browse my wares or not? Yes, sure, bro. What games you got? Ah, many in our collection. We traveler. I must ask, what poison are you in the mood to embibe today? A shooter, an MMO, a source like Ask for a new release. I want something fresh like my fit. Bro, give me something new. I'd recommend you check out the AI generated game section. Clear Demure Expediter Story 3 is our latest edition. Isn't it crazy, bro? It was one poster in Lumiere. And now, bro, build a 100 bridges and you suck one dick. You're not a bridge builder. You're a dick sucker. That's crazy, bro. What the [ __ ] are you talking about? Just check it out. It has no DEI in it, which means it's good. And it was made with AI, which removes human inefficiencies and mistakes. Wait, this is this is what I think. That's what my opinion is. Praise AI. So, you telling me I can just shut my brain off and turn out content effort? [ __ ] fire. I got to get into this AI Uh-huh. Continue. Hm. Not quite. You have to be quite the expert in engineering to harness this power. Oh, true. What kind of engineer are you? A prompt engineer. I engineer prompts. I've spent countless hours writing the perfect sentence to produce my AI films. A skill few humans could even dream about. I'm going to insult him again. You sound like a [ __ ] AI, bro. I am not. You sound like AI. Yeah, right. I wouldn't know if I sounded like AI. Okay. Um, staff only. No, I I I'm already almost capped out. I might go to jail if they What's up? What you playing? Who's this? I'm not playing a game. I'm making money. My RNG is trash, though. Encourage gambling. I want to encourage gambling. Hell yeah, bro. What we gambling on? No, I'm not gambling on Stack. I'm trading GameStop stock. Okay, ask for stock advice. You sound like you know what you're doing. Got any tips, bro? Yeah, just buy GameStop and hodddle, bro. Don't listen to anyone who tells you it's going to crash. We're going to the moon. Oh, no, dude. I don't have the money to buy a whole store yet. Maybe when I'm rich like Dr. Yeast. Dr. Yeast. No shot. Stupid ass staff. Get off my dick. This chick What? You got suspended? Wait, I got suspended. I got suspended for what? What I do wrong? I didn't do nothing wrong. I didn't do [ __ ] They banned me over nothing. You believe that? Bam me over. I didn't do a [ __ ] thing. Gambling. Yeah. I forgot. I forgot about that. Chat, that's a clip. I forgot. I forgot about gamble. I I forgot about that. I was gambling. That's true. You're right about that. Okay. Uh, let me see. Okay. I'mma go I'mma go Oh, what's over here? What's over here? What's here? Nothing. Nothing. Can I go over that? No, I can't. All right. Let me go. Can I go over this? Oh, I'm going to try one more time. One more time. One more time. One more time. I am that guy, bro. I'm that guy. Okay, let me go back this way. So, I lost a little bit of viewers for that one. That was kind of bad. I'm I'm only at 48 viewers right now. chat. Is this good content? Who's this [ __ ] Let me get her again. I got to get her right. [ __ ] this. [ __ ] this. I'm going to go over there next. Oh. Oh, I'm grinding. I'm grinding. Oh. Oh. Oh. I'm actually that guy. I'm actually that guy. Jesus, bro. What's up, Spear? Come closer, child. [ __ ] what? Let me see into your third eye. I'm going to let her see. I see. I see into your cortexual soul stream. Your future. Do you want to know what your future holds? Yeah. What's the future of my stream? Am I going to be a dead streamer forever? The future of your stream. I see I see a place of abundance and aura. That's what I said. Yo, chat, she said my stream has aura. True, bro. You exude an aura of motivation. It is so wrong. Let's go. We're so back, chat. Your future has been told. That'll be $10. Please. Uh, I'm going to give her money. Sure, why not? You've been good content. I'm going to help that [ __ ] out. I got plenty money. I got plenty money. I don't need to worry about [ __ ] What about over here? What's going on over Actually, I'm not ready for this. Goet. What the [ __ ] is this? What the [ __ ] is this? We're on lunch break. Be right back. Uh-uh. I'm not on lunch break. Oh, that's what's up. the hat. No headwear, sunglasses. I I I'm going to just keep the America shirt on. I don't think we need anything else. Yep, that's it. I'm going to just I'm going to steal it and run out of the store. That's mine now. What's in here? Clip this [ __ ] chat. What's up, [ __ ] How's it going? Can I help you with anything? Ask for rez tips. Yo, bro, it's pick up a baddie live on stream. You look like you got mad riz. Got any tips? Any tips? Ah, man. Look, it's simple. Literate, stylish, kissable, quiet. That's what girls dreams are made of. Don't got to try nothing fancy, bro. I'm going to down him. Okay, I'm going to down him. That ain't what Andrew Baitman says, bro. You got to be a high value alpha and make them know their place. [ __ ] That's right, bro. Like, you got to talk to That's right. Well, look, man. Good luck with that. I wonder what the topic at the bait club will be today. Welcome in. Looking for anything specific today? Ask what's wrong, bro? Why the long face? Everyone else working here seems smiley. They bullying you or some [ __ ] Actually, that girl working there is my girlfriend. I met her while working here. I'm just kind of down because of some stuff with her. Uh-oh. Oh no. I don't know. It's probably unprofessional to talk to another lawsuit. You probably wouldn't even care. Persuade him to tell you. Come on, bro. What else you going to do all day? I'm the only customer in here. Yeah, I guess you're right. What's the harm? A few months ago, my girlfriend Mel started working different shifts than me with that guy Tim over there. Coincidentally, not long after, she asked for an open relationship. Bro, how'd you bag her anyway? No offense, man. You look like a gnome. I just got lucky, I guess. Anyway, she started dating Tim on the side. And now she's spending more time with him than with me, and I got a little upset about So now he's telling her that I'm being toxic and controlling. I think he wants her to break up with me. Oh no. I'm going to keep listening. I'm going to keep listening. I just want to make it right, you know? Maybe if I wasn't so insecure, we wouldn't be having this spat right now. I need to do better for her. Oh god, what a what a thoughtful guy. Bro, just listening to you makes me feel like a beta. I'll get to the bottom of this myself. Damn. Gain perspective on Steven's love triangle. What's up, [ __ ] Hello. Welcome in. Let me know if you need help finding anything. Uh, I'm going to fort with her instead, actually. Chat, watch. I'm about to show you how to res up a baddy. Hey, Shy. How about we have a little fun on one of the beds in the back. I'm sorry. We don't sell any race car beds here. The GameStop might have what you're looking for, though. Maybe your mom can take you. Try. How about I take you there instead, and we have a little arcade date. Maybe hop on a sushi smash. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe if you buy something first. I'm guessing you can't afford anything in here, though. What a [ __ ] So, you're $43. You told me about your open relationship. 43 to him, bro. Yeah. What? What? Steven talked to you about us? Why is he telling a stranger about our private relationship? Well, it doesn't seem private to me. Well, it's not exactly private, is it? More like communal. Man, I think it's a big problem the fact that I instinctually know every bad response that a toxic Zoomer would have. This is not good. I I I I don't know what to say. This really bad, bro. Like I don't I don't know. It's 2025. Polyamory should be normalized. Relationships aren't so black and white anymore. well, it looks like they are because of you with the other guy. Black and white relationship. Nah, I ain't even going to say that one. He already told me about it, so you might as well tell me what's going on. He bringing the vibe down in here on Steven and I agreed to this arrangement. I don't see why he's upset. Did he tell you about the affair he was having? Which one? Yeah. I didn't think so. He was seeing our coworker Lauren behind my back. Oh, no. It would have been okay if he had told me, but he was keeping it a secret. I'm going to def I'm going to defend Steven. I will defend him. Okay. Because listen, uh, a lock that gets opened by any key is a shitty lock, but a key that can open any lock is a master key. Defend Steven. Give him a break. Have you seen what he looks like? You should be proud of him for even getting any. True. True, bro. Whatever. That's not the point. But you're kind of right. I guess he deserves to be happy, too. Maybe I should break it off with Tim if it'll make Steven happy. Yeah. Yeah. That's right. That's right. I got I got I got to put in uh who's this guy? Damage control was a minus 40. All right, let me figure this out. I got to get somebody uh I got to unmod uh I got to unmod [ __ ] uh I'm going to get this [ __ ] out of here, bro. [ __ ] this [ __ ] Um and we're going to get I do not tolerate misbehavior. All right, I'm going to go I'm I'm going to put peak I'm going to get this guy in here. We don't need no damage control anyway. It doesn't even matter. Okay, so All right, cuz I don't want my Sandy to go too well because I don't know what's going to happen. All right, let me talk to this guy. What's up, little man? Need any help? Yo, bro, I heard you're dating Mel while she's already dating Steven. What's up with that? Damn. Yeah, true. Oh, yeah. Look, Mel and I just got along so well when we started working together more. And it turns out we're mattress professionals in more ways than one. Oh, really? She's been considering breaking it off with me to appease him, though. He's upset about me, even though I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm going to defend Steven again, bro. Like, this is [ __ ] up. They would do that to him. I don't know, man. He called Dibs first. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, bro. He owns her. Nah, man. If she wants to be with me, then it is what it is. No, bro. I ain't letting Steven get in the way of love. Uh-uh. No. That's [ __ ] up. Help either Steven or Tim win Mel's heart. Hey, again, let me know if you need anything. I'll just be in this corner. I'm going to help Steven right now. I'm going to help him out. If he wants two girlfriends, I say that's not enough. All right, man. I'm with you. That snake Tim is trying to get Mel to break up with you. We can start his ass. I know, but what can I do? I don't want to be controlling. If Mel wants to be with him, why should I get in the way? Call him a [ __ ] bro. Like, you got to man up. Man up right now, bro. You got no [ __ ] aura right now. You're just a big fat [ __ ] True. True. Where's your anger? Where are your balls? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know what? I am angry. That's right. That's right. Beat him. Can't do that to me. I'm going to kick his ass. That's right. Yes. [ __ ] yeah, dude. Show him the wolf inside you. Let's hear your how. Damn, bro. I am a wolf. Oh, damn. Tim, I will destroy you. Okay, man. Chill. Stop it. You're hurting him. wait. Did I Did I beat him up? I think I beat him up, right? I want [ __ ] I think my nose is broken. Oh well, it was worth Mel saw me at least stand up for myself and is more attracted to me than ever. She broke up with Tim. Thanks, dude. That's right. That's right. Hey again. Thanks for helping me see Steven was the one for me. Deep down, I think I always knew. Oh, yeah. You knew that. Oh, for sure. Definitely. Bro, did you see me kick Steven's gnome ass? Wait, wait. He beat him up. That boy. So he got beat up and he still got the girl. Oh my god. Okay. Oh, it's a big Oh, wow. Wow. Look at bakery time. Frosted sprinkled donut. Oh boy. Just what I wanted. Produce hub. What's this? Yikes. Uh-oh. Our ingredients. You're satisfactory. Yes. Tell them you're I have to immediately tell her I'm streaming. Hey, Shotty, you looking mad good. Want to say hi to my stream? You're a bit young to be talking to me like that. Are you filming a video or something? Yes, [ __ ] I just told you. I'm just looking for content. You got any pointers? Yeah. You should do one of those videos where you pay for people's groceries, starting with mine. Decline. Man, I would, but I already gave all my money to homeless people. going to pay for that [ __ ] bro. Like, you know that, right? She can do Only Fans if she needs. I don't need to pay for that. [ __ ] that. Yeah, the sips pay for that [ __ ] I'mma knock this around. Yeah. What's up, [ __ ] I do what I want. We out here. What's up? What's up, fat? What's up, fat? Question. Holy [ __ ] When did I walk into the Twin Staff headquarters? It's a moderator. I'm a kitten. Meow. Oh, this is the content jackpot, dude. We got a soil viewer here. A soil. Oh my. So, can you buy me cat food, Senpai? Do I want to feed Fatty some food? Do I want to buy Fatty? I'm going to buy Fatty some food. Hey, if you can keep providing me content like that, anything. Meet me at the registers later. Wait. Offer to pay for food. I I didn't want to pay for all of them. I just want to pay for that [ __ ] Who's this? Who this? Yes. Offer to buy their G. No. No. Uh, maybe I have to. Maybe I have to. Chat, you know this whole thing is pre-recorded. Who's bald? Offer to buy groceries. Yo, I'm buying everyone's groceries in the store today. Meet me up front later. And I'm going to have to do it. I have to do it so I can get a viewer. Oh my gosh, that's so nice of you. I've been struggling a bit with buying organic because of the upcharge, but now I can eat healthy. My doctor says I should lay off the processed foods, you That's fake. Processed foods are good for you. And of course to incorporate less sugar in my diet. It's such a struggle having to manage that when I love snacking so much, you know, and this job will do that to you. Bro, my chat is falling asleep. Please stop your yapping. Oh. Uh, okay. I'll just meet you up there when I'm ready. Yeah, you little loser. You little [ __ ] But you don't pay. Okay. Okay. The birds. Do you work for them? Do you work for the birds? Bro, are you tweaking? Do you need any groceries? I'm buying them for everyone There's no way he needs a lot of food, I need two. Two only. I need them to hide myself. The birds see me on the cameras. You'll buy it for me. Good. I'll meet you there. right? Oh, wait. I offered to buy fatty food. Yes, sir. Who offered to buy your groceries? Yo, Winter Soldier. I'm buying everyone's groceries in the store today. Meet me up front later and I got you. That's terrific. God bless you, citizen. Damn. Okay, wrap it up, little bro. Pay for their stuff. Okay, I'm going to pay for it right now. You want to see a video of my meat? I didn't. Excuse me. That is so inappropriate, young man. Ah, so true. No, bro. I cooked a steak earlier on stream. You want to watch the VOD? I don't think so. Please go away. But I thought I had to pay for this. Uh, talk to a food up cashier. If you're not going to buy anything, okay, it's apparently not her. All right, let me look around. Oh, it's the other way around. I see. What's up, Hello. How are you today? Hope you're having a great day shopping at FoodHub, your neighborhood source for all the best ingredients. Yo, can I make an announcement on the intercom? I'mma pay for everyone's groceries today. Damn, bro. Ball out. Oh, that's so nice of you. You got it. Prank everyone and say you're not paying. Should I just do it? I might just do it, bro. I'm I'mma hit Hey, can everyone come to the front so I can pay for Come on, guys. BBLs, get [ __ ] I ain't paying for your [ __ ] Get baited, losers. [ __ ] based. All right. How many viewers did I get for that? Chat, gay daughter or thought? Wait, four. Oh, wow. I got four viewers. Brenley, please report to the main office. Wait, wait, what? Would Kaden Brenley please report to the main offices? Thank you so much and happy shopping. Wait, I I locked me in. Wait, what? What? What did I do wrong? What did I do? I didn't do I didn't do anything. Yeah, really coming together around here. Hello. Hope you're having a great day. Seems you've been stirring up quite a storm out there. I'm just mock I'm going to mock this little [ __ ] nerd goon cave or something. Don't lie. You rub one out in here once a day. Shut up, [ __ ] Shut up, [ __ ] Know that's highly inappropriate. That's We here at Food Hub maintain the highest standard of quality for all our customers. I'm going mock him again. I'm going to joke up on him again. Shut up, bro. You sound like a [ __ ] nut. I apologize. Please feel free to leave us a review. But for now, I encourage you to listen to what I have to say. What was he going to say? What? Am I in trouble or something? Oh, absolutely not. We've been watching you carefully since you entered our store. And I think we'd both highly benefit from a temporary partnership. Wait, so I just I just scammed everybody and now they want to partner with me. How would you help me? If you've been watching me, you know I'm a content god, bro. I don't need any help. Have you spoken to Martin recently? our little neighbor over at Maplewood Market. Who that is? Who that is? No, but get to the point, bro. I'm losing viewers talking to you. You see, our partners have been hoping to expand this lot into a mall for a while now. And the owner of our neighbor grocery store, Maplewood Market, he's bitterly stubborn. You want me to kill him? I'll kill him. I need If you help us, we can help you. We have a rather large advertising budget. We could promote your channel both locally and nationally. The benefits would be instant. I'm immediately gonna go with this guy. Uh, absolutely. What do you want me to do? What do you want me to do? I have to kill him. Oh, it's really quite simple. Maplewood Market seems to already be such an unsafe shopping environment. Their pipes burst just two weeks ago. Sabotage the store and cause a person to get killed. Bro, I don't know what the [ __ ] your normie corny ass yapping means. Stop talking like an NPC. It would just be so unfortunate if someone slipped and fell over there. You know, we love our neighbors at Maplewood Market and we would hate to see them sued. Oh no. But I bet there'd be a lot of viewers in it for you if something so awful happened over there and you streamed it. And don't forget the support we'd give you. I'm absolutely going to stage a [ __ ] false flag and get the store shut down and defraud all these people 100%. And and I get money. I would have done this for free. Hey, [ __ ] it, dude. Content is content. I'm in. Terrific. You made the right choice. Your career is going to thank you for this. I know. I know it will. Sabotage Maple Market. Okay, let's go. It's time to ruin lives. Look at these gay boys over here. Look at these losers. We got to deal with Barbecue grill burgers. Yo, chat, I got a confession to make. I'm a [ __ ] content god. Yo, bro, you look like a streamer I know. On a completely unrelated note, you want to play a game of would you rather? Would you rather? Sure, why not? Okay, go ahead. Ask me one. What? Aren't you supposed to ask me the questions? Wait, this must be queso. No, bro. I'm the streamer. Go ahead. I'm going to lock in. Okay, let me think. Hey, Sumer. Uh, bone in or boneless? Boneless. Boneless, bro. Chicken tendies are peak. What? Okay. Um, sweet potato fries or French fries? Uh, French fries. Regular fries, bro. Anyone who says sweet potato is capping. [ __ ] nast. That's gross, bro. I don't want that. Lose your eyesight or lose your hearing. Lose your hearing. Lose my hearing, bro. Anything worth hearing is coming out of my mouth anyway. [ __ ] beast. Yes. Love but poor or rich but no one likes you. Well, I'll just go with what we already have. Rich and no one likes me. I'll just be the next Elon. Man. Okay. Last one. Kill yourself to save the world or kill the world to save yourself. I will kill the whole world. Save myself. Duh. If I died, my subathon would end. Yeah, bro. Like, that would [ __ ] up the stream. Great. Can I go back to eating now? Yeah, that was it. Yeah, based uh eat that burger. There it is. Oh, good. 13. No cutting in line. I'm about to order. Question or I'm not tell I'm Shut shut your old ass up, bro. You taking longer than GTA to come out. Wrap it up. Domer. Be patient. I'm having a hard time reading the menu. Mocka, are you blind or something? Wait, I can't say that on stream anymore. Actually, I'm legally blind. Waiting for 30 minutes. I'm going to question him. Legally, so I can't get banned for talking to you, right? I'm on thin ice with staff recently. I don't know. Anyway, can you help me read the menu? Yeah, I'm going to help him. I'm going help him. All right, fine. What do you feel like eating? Maybe a burger. No way. Okay, sure. That sounds good. Is that what you want? Maybe not. It might upset my stomach. What else then? They also got fries here. You want that? We won't. Maybe. Maybe. Do they have cheeseburgers here? Okay. So, you do want a burger? Which one, bro? Hurry up. Maybe just a coffee. Do they have coffee Uh, maybe. Dude, yes. Is that what you want? You're making me lose viewers, man. Dude. Dude, come on. I'll ponder it. Thank you for helping me out, young man. You can go in front of me if you want. Okay, that's good. Great. Yo, Twinch Popo better not be watching me right now. Yo, this must be the big boss man. I just I just started hitting buttons, Bro, I had to be an IRL streamer. That's what they want me to do. Hey, what are you doing? You can't be back here. I tell him I'm I work here. I'll work here now. Uh I'm here for my first day. Yeah, it's my first day. Ah, okay. You must be the new hire that Jeremy interviewed. What's your name so we can print out a name tag for you? Buck. I'm Buck. Okay. And last name. Neaked. Buck neck. Okay. Welcome aboard. Uh Buck Neaked. Yeah. Don't worry about my name. What matters is that I'm so excited to start working. Oh, okay. That's terrific. I missed your initial interview. So, you can tell me a little bit about yourself. I'm a streamer. I've got to tell him I'm I got experience cooking fire clips and brain rock content, Brad. That's impressive. We'll have you cooking soon. For now though, just head on up to the front desk and help take orders from customers. My favorite color. What's up, fat? Yo, welcome to Red Girl Burgers. What's up, fat [ __ ] You only got one girl right now, though. What do you want? Do you work here? Where's your uniform? Oh, he must have had to walk. Yeah, dude. I just got hired. I'm doing a challenge where I spend the whole day as a wage cook. A wage cook? Okay. Are these donuts for sale? Well, gave it away, bro. I don't know. What kind of service? I'm trying to lose weight, but I just got done with my 30 minute walk, so I feel like I deserve one. I think you deserve three. I'm going to give them for you for free. Yeah, dude. Have one. In fact, you should have three. You really worked hard today. You deserve a reward. Hello. What kind of service is this? I don't know what to say. I really don't. Where is the man? Wow. You didn't know? I I I swear to God I didn't know. I I I promise you like I I'm being completely honest 100%. I have not watched anyone play this game. I saw there was like one clip of like I think it was like IU reacting to a thing where it was like Miz on the game. I didn't even watch it. I just saw the [ __ ] headline. That was it. I have never played this game. I didn't know anything about this game. I swear to God. I was not a dev. I was not questioned. I had no idea about it. I didn't know what was going to be in the dialogue. I had no no clue whatsoever. Cuz I feel like at this point it's weird. Like that's actually weird. God damn. That's That's weird, bro. Like can you give me a I Okay. Um let me talk to this loser. Yo, welcome to Red Grilled Burgers. What you want? What you want, [ __ ] Can I have a double cheeseburger, a large fries, a 20 piece nuggets, and I'm not interrupting. Hold on. Slow down. You're going too fast. You wanted a a cheeseburger. Cheeseburger. No, no. I wanted a double cheeseburger. Hurry, I'm hungry. Mocker. Ooh, a double. She's a big girl, isn't she? Get a fat [ __ ] That's right. How rude. It's not for me. I'm also ordering for my children. I want to talk to the manager. I am the manager. That would be me. I'm the manager. Is there a problem? You are. And this is how you run your establishment. You should be ashamed. I'm leaving you a one-star review. I don't give a [ __ ] You should leave several. In fact, you should tell your friends to leave reviews, too, since we're so bad. This is ridiculous. I'm starving and I don't have time for this. I'm waiting for someone else to take my order. Let me go. All right, I'm gonna take this guy's food. Oh, wait. Oh, no. That's not it. Okay. All right. Let me get the [ __ ] out of Where is the manager? Oh, who's this other fat? I'm I'm going to make fun of him. Fat. Big dog. You waiting for someone or are you just really eating that all alone? Lowkey sad, bro. Three burgers on the table. Three burgers. What's your problem, kid? I'm just trying to eat. Yo, bro, you look like an expert. My chat always burger chain and [ __ ] Thoughts? Huh? What? Bro, am I muted or some [ __ ] I asked what the best burger chain is. It's Burger King. Burger King. Um, what do you think is the best? Oh. Oh. Uh, uh, Five Fries. Five fries. Burger Queen. No. No. It's definitely not water burger. I'll tell you that. Give me I have to get pissed. Five no five guys bash burger. Honestly, reading that I might have to go there tonight. All right, I'm back. five fries. Five fries is the goat, bro. I want all five to run a train on me on God. Damn. Damn. Let him know. Are you serious? [ __ ] you laughing at, [ __ ] I'm right, chat. This guy's a [ __ ] Don't listen to him. Just a second. Okay. All right. We can stop that. Oh, wait. Fat Fatty don't want to talk to me anymore. [ __ ] him. [ __ ] [ __ ] We got Why aren't you guys subbing? Get him out of here. Get him out of here. I can't break this. I I got too high of a purple bar. What's behind here? Who's this? Huh? Bad sid, huh? You got any money, man? Uh, yeah. I'm going to give money. H only if you spend it on drugs and lottery tickets. That's right. Don't forget Don't forget alcohol. Yeah, you got it, man. I'll buy some snooze. Give me money. Okay. All right. Uh, ask about snooze. Okay. I'm going ask it. What's snooze, bro? Some vape flavor. Uh oh. You wouldn't understand, man. You're in the game. What the [ __ ] Shut up. You want to I'm smart, bro. Try me. He's smart. Oh yeah, bro. Yaba daba do for real. Yeah. Yeah. No doubt. For sure. Save gate. Oh, be safe. there it is. Probably Swedish after snooze. I don't know what the hell that is. And we can live in a garbage can. I'm not going to live in a garbage can. All right. Now, let me [ __ ] let me [ __ ] this entire place up. I'm going to [ __ ] everything up. Who's old ball? Hi, welcome in. It feels like a great day today. I really hope it continues going that way. Can I fall? Where do I fall over? Oh my god. It's right over here. It's over here. It's over here. Martin will prevent any sabotage. Get rid of him first. I got to get rid of him. Hello. Hope you're having a great day. Tell him there's a homeless guy in his alley. Did you know there's a homeless guy in your back alley and not in the gay way? Oh, that's just Sebastian. You and I are…

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