i had a health scare

a couple months ago I got an MRI done on my chest and whether or not that was technically a bad growth we didn't know I also don't know why I keep coming back to this stupid Park every time I'm emtional finding out when you're like on the operating table that they're going to put a metal piece in you is very [Music] frightening hi guys how are you good I'm so happy to hear that me well um honestly there are some things I haven't been so forthcoming about not because I didn't want to but just because there are some things that weigh so heavily on you that they're very very hard to share you especially don't want them to weigh heavily on others so it kind of only feels right to share when everything is kind of straightened out so let me explain and let me run you back the last few weeks have you heard of evil eye it's a concept that's really really popular in Middle Eastern Arab and Muslim culture it refers to the concept that someone can essentially curse you with their gaze with their eye although typically this is referenced to good things like luxurious items or money things that other people Envy so whether it's something that's really good but personal or really bad but personal I tend to keep it to myself until I can properly handle it digest it process it before I share it with anyone else and in today's video we'll be going through a few of those things and what I've been up to the last few weeks let's start off with something good as some of you guys may already know Lily and I launched a podcast together it's called the sweet and sour podcast as you know I used to do a solo podcast on Spotify called DTA don't tell anyone however at one point I realized it is really hard to talk to yourself for an hour and a half and come up with new or interesting things to say Loki I ran out of stories to say like there's just not that many things happening to me so Lily and I came together to launch this podcast the podcast is now our hey P can you T your microphone please please stop yelling at me we're only this is the first day of work we need to have a good work culture cute I have also learned not to share too many things if something is still on the works because frankly a lot of things fall through but I'm so glad that this didn't it's honestly been the most exciting and fulfilling Endeavor that I've done in quite some time and I'm so glad that it's resonated with so many of you guys as well you can check out the sweet and sour podcast anywhere that you listen to or watch podcasts including YouTube my brother also visited me in La for the first time ever which I know is crazy cuz I've lived here for like 7 years we're arriving at one of my favorite French spots in La look at all those suckers in line should have got a reservation like me very thoughtful very mindful very demure I don't need to stand in line it was such a good time he came with his fiance I took them to a bunch of my favorite food spots and it was just so nice and refreshing crushing to see family and it's really been quite the reminder of how I always feel like there's a hole in my heart living in LA because I don't have family here it's important for me to always try to see them as much as I can I also went horseback riding for the first time ever my friends took me as a little birthday gift and it's been on my bucket list this year so I'm so happy to have checked it off it was really fun L bro is doing amazing he has pooped a lot he's farted a lot and I'm proud of him and I've already gone back so so I think this might be a little hobby that I pick up on the side oh my God look at them they're so little they will make for such a good KFC dinner so those are some of the more fun and exciting things that have happened recently however throughout these last few weeks there has been one big underlying thing that has caused me unfortunately a lot of stress basically a bunch of parts of my body including my chest and when I went to my gynecologist she looked at those MRIs and she said that some of the areas on my chest were a little bit hard to read just to be certain she wanted to order some more tests I had to do a couple other ultrasounds and when she saw the ultrasounds she still felt kind of uncertain about the findings every night before one of these appointments I always sleep so bad cuz I'm just so nervous so hopefully it goes well also a few years ago I had a lumpectomy done which is basically when they find a lump somewhere on your body and just try to remove it entirely but essentially what these tests found and what I kind of suspected all along was that the lump that I had removed a few years ago had been growing back and so on the tests that's why it kind of looked weird and whether or not that was technically a bad growth we didn't know so after already stressing about the MRIs I had to get done the ultrasounds I had to get done my doctor ordered not one but two biopsies and that really freaked me out because I've never had a biopsy done oh my God I'm sorry I'm having a hard time even talking about it like even though I went through all of this already it still gives me such Stress and Anxiety even just to express to you I guess to give an example of how this was stressing me out some nights I would just wake up in the middle of the night feeling so panicked and the lump in my chest would start hurting and then I would just start spiraling because I genuinely thought something must be wrong with me if I had to undergo all of these tests if you don't know what a biopsy is they basically inject a certain area of your body with a numbing agent so let's say your chest they do a little incision a little cut and then they put in this thicker needle that is supposed to extract tissue samples and it's usually like four to six tissue samples here's the thing there's so many things about biopsies I never knew and I wish someone had told me for starters when they take the tissue it sounds like a stapler gun I kid you not I'm lying there with the doctor going beep and every time he takes a tissue sample it sounds like it's frightening luckily I can't feel anything cuz I'm numb but still very frightening and then after a biopsy they put in a small metal marker into your body when they first told me this I was like M no I think not I would not like any foreign objects permanently plac in my body what do you mean but in reality it's actually standard procedure and it's really good that they do this because for starters the little piece of metal that they do to Mark the spot where they did the biopsy it's really really tiny it's biocompatible and God forbid if your results are concerning in any way any future doctor knows exactly where that sample was taken where they might need to do surgery so overall the markers are really good I just didn't know about them and finding out when you're like on the operating table that they're going to put a metal piece in you was very frightening actually I've got so overwhelmed I just started crying and I want to cry now you just talking about it but I also really don't want to cry I've cried enough on camera throughout my years of being a content creator we don't need to do all that so I'll try to keep it in but yes I was very overwhelmed because this such a new experience you could say because you just don't know how worried to be and especially when you feel like you're having done a kind of scary procedure that only really makes you think like oh something scary is happening to my body something bad is going on but really these are meant to be tests to help you just find out more information but yeah having to make that decision last minute about the markers about what to do really freaked me out I rushed to call my friend who's a doctor and luckily they reassured me and then they texted me everything will be okay and that's actually what made me cry I also highly recommend for my second biopsy I wound up going with the loved one that helped so so so so much so that biopsy went well I got the results and luckily it was benign which means non-cancerous however I still had to get a second biopsy and this one was an MRI assisted biopsy on another part of my chest which means not only are they cutting me open and injecting things and taking things out I'm also in an MRI machine if you've never gotten an MRI good for you you're literally in like this claustrophobic tube with these sounds going taking Imaging of your body it's freakish every time I've had to get a test done all the staff and employees were so nice sometimes they're girls sometimes they're guys it doesn't matter everybody was so warm and comforting and really tried their best to make sure that I was comfortable and I appreciate that like beyond words beyond words I appreciate that so much I really appreciate how nice all the employees are it makes the process a little bit easier wish me luck this time it was two guys who did my MRI and they were really young but I wasn't uncomfortable at all actually were really really nice ghost to show doesn't matter who's your nurse they're probably good at their job if they spent that many years training for you oh wow so between each test was maybe 2 or 3 weeks and I'm not going to lie throughout that time I was really just trying to be like haha everything's fine this is fine cuz they can't schedule you in for an MRI or a biopsy or anything as soon as you want you have to wait until there's an opening I really thought I was doing a good job at coping but it wasn't until after my second biopsy and me finally getting the results a few days later that I realized holy guac I was holding in so much stress and tension and concern all of these weeks it was just building up beneath me how also don't know why I keep coming back to this stupid Park every time emotional I just feel so overwhelmed I'm like these tears have been building up in me for weeks luckily when I finally got the results of my second biopsy and it said they were benign I was so relieved and I was able to really process everything cried out a little bit maybe and interestingly enough the results actually came on the same day as my mom's birthday so it was a nice gift for her and me I was kind of unsure whether to share all of this I decided I wanted to for mainly two reasons one I wish I had seen someone go through these things and tell me what it would be like and tell me that everything would be okay and tell me that often times it's standard procedure and it's just to be sure and it's good to be sure like the reality of it is what I experienced wasn't just a health scare it's actually kind of a routine part of taking care of yourself and of screening for things as early as possible which brings me to number two I have family members who have had breast cancer I have PCOS when I go to my gynecologist I can see in my folder bolded High lifetime risk of breast cancer and that's something that I need to accept and be responsible for and part of being responsible means getting screened means getting tests like these done routinely or whenever it need be it doesn't have to be a bad thing I'm actually so lucky that I'm able to get these tests done that I'm able to God forbid if anything was wrong likely find out really early on ultimately you always want to catch things as early as possible so I hope this can serve as encouragement for anyone please get tested when or if you need to please stay on top of your health and it's just as important for to get tested for testicular cancer prostate cancer really any type of cancer that your doctors might be concerned about no matter who you are please take good care of your health it's something that frankly we can't buy back health is wealth and moments like these really really make me realize that nothing else matters thank you guys for watching and we'll see you in the next one